Penelope sat down wearily and propped her feet on the paper mache footstool that the fourth grade students had made for her.  It was bright yellow and a lot sturdier than it looked.  Every time she saw it, she smiled and today was no exception.  It was a little lopsided and extremely gaudy but she wouldn’t trade it for anything.  They’d made a couple of them for several of their elders as spring time gifts and she’d been one of the lucky recipients.

 What a day it had been, she sighed to herself.  Another alert had sent everyone scurrying for shelter and she was about out of Doctor-Sam-as-a-young-boy stories.  She might have to start digging out her old memories of when she was a child to keep the youngsters occupied.  The days before computers would seem like ancient history to these kids.

 She snorted out loud.  Hell, it felt like ancient history to her these days.  The Base computer was so far beyond the machine that she used occasionally for e-mail in Florida that it might as well be called the Entity or Deus Ex Machina.  She was developing a personality by leaps and bounds.  Penelope raised her voice a trifle and asked the question that she asked everyday at this time.

 “Computer, have you chosen a name yet?”

 “No, Penelope, not yet.  Did you know that your name was from ancient Greece?  And that the first Penelope was married to Odysseus but may have also been the mother of Pan by Hermes?  I found that very interesting.  There is so much to learn about Earth’s cultures.”

 “Thank you, Computer.  Yes, I did know that the first Penelope was married to Odysseus but I didn’t know that she fooled around with the God of Messages.”  She grinned to herself and made a mental note to mention that little fact to Julie in their next phone call.  She dearly loved to shake things up.

 “I have a message for you from Running Elk.  He requests your presence at dinner at seven in the dining hall.”

 Penelope smiled to herself.  Life seemed very good to her these days.  “Tell him I’ll be there and thank you for the invitation.”

 “Certainly.  Is there anything else, Penelope?”
 “No thank you, dear.  I’ll just have a little nap and a shower before dinner.”

 “Very well.”

 Penelope shook her head and prepared to get to her feet.  They seemed to have swelled in the short half-hour she’d been seated.  Something in her diet wasn’t right if her ankles were any judge.  They always seemed fat nowadays.  Standing up slowly, she pondered the hard floor under her feet.  Maybe pads and carpet would help soften the impact of walking on solid moon rock.  She’d bring it up at the next meeting.

 Walking into her bedroom, she removed her clothes and shrugged on the warm cotton robe for her trip to the bathroom.  The sonic shower had taken some getting used to but now she was an old pro at sloughing away the dead skin.  They needed a good hairdresser though or perhaps a barber.  Everyone was starting to look a little shaggy.  Except for those who had long hair already, she thought fondly of Running Elk.

 Looking at her nude body in the mirror over the sink, she turned sideways then back.  Not bad for an old lady of 77.  I could give points to some of the women half my age.  She blessed her mother’s side of the family for the thousandth time.  Good genes and longevity were legacies from the O’Neill side.  Sure she sagged a little and the little potbelly was nothing to brag about but she decided that was just gravity at work.

 She shrugged on her robe and left for that nap she had promised herself.  One of the perks of her age was the ability to take naps when she wanted to.  Or needed to.  And the other perk was the firm mattress covered with a fleece cover that cradled her like no bed cover ever had before.  It was a positive pleasure to go to bed these days.  Pulling the sweet smelling quilt up to her chin, Penelope settled in for a forty-minute nap.

**********

 She listened to Dr. Reinbeau talk about the latest radiation readings that his counters had picked up along the rim of their crater, Plato.  He was passionate about his work and she approved of that in a scientist.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ruth slip from the dining hall like a wraith.  Her thoughts were troubled about the woman who was the pivot of their community.  She just couldn’t help feeling ambivalent about her.

 The last week had seemed to pare away the flesh from her bones until she appeared all angles and sharp corners.  There wasn’t an ounce of anything extra on her body and yet that seemed to only enhance her presence.  Her spirit hadn’t lessened but she’d taken to listening rather than talking.  Penelope rather missed the stories she told in some of the classes she was helping with.

 “What’s wrong, Grandmother?”

 Her eyes went to her favorite grandson, seated on her right.  “Is Ruth all right?”

 Sam’s eyes clouded.  “She says so, but she’s losing weight that she can ill afford to lose.  I’d like to think it’s just worry and tension over these attacks.”  He gave her a shadow of his usual smile.  “But I don’t think that’s it.”

 “What do you think it is?”

 His voice dropped and she leaned closer to hear him.  “I think she’s taking all the energy that she can gather and internalizing it.  There are no tests that would prove my hypothesis because healers have never been seriously studied.  And there are none like her.”

 Penelope frowned.  “I’m not sure I understand, Sam.  I would think if she were gathering energy, she’d bulk up like I do when I have too much salt in my diet.  Or those animals who store water.”

 Sam chuckled gently and kissed her cheek.  “You’re thinking of camels, Grandmother.”  The smile faded and the faraway look came back.  “I can’t think of an apt comparison that explains what I mean.”

 A deep voice from her other side joined in their conversation.  “Think of metallurgy, Penelope.  When a sword is fashioned at a forge, the thick bar of steel is beaten and folded over and over again into a blade no thicker than a quarter inch.  I read once that a Japanese sword maker had spent four years folding a single blade over and over again.  The total of folds was well over 30,000.  The sword’s edge was sharper than any razor and the pattern of the blade had an artistry that no other blade has ever shown.  Ruth is like that blade.”

 Sam’s face twisted a little and he dropped his eyes to his hands laid flat on the table.  “Yes.  Thank you, Running Elk.  That’s exactly what I meant.  Everything nonessential has been shaped into spirit . . . her spirit.  I’m afraid that she’s preparing for something that only she sees.  Perhaps an extraordinary act of healing or a confrontation with those who want this base for themselves.”

 Penelope shivered and split her gaze between the two of them.  “What if she isn’t strong enough to effect the healing or face the enemy?”

 Running Elk smiled.  “She will have the strength.  It is afterwards that I worry about.  Will she be able to survive the battle?  Because that is what it will be . . . a battle for this base and for all our lives.  Failure is not an option so she will not fail.  But will she pass on to the other side afterwards to rest?”

 Sam’s eyes were haunted and Penelope wondered what sad vision he saw.  “I think she is keeping nothing back this time.  She’ll sacrifice herself in a heartbeat.  It’s why she’s drawn away from all of us and given us more power in the decision making.  So that when she dies, we’ll be able to keep moving ahead.”

 “She’s always the onlooker.”  Penelope thought out loud.  “Is there no one here for whom she’d come back?  Has she closed her heart completely?”

 “Oh, Penelope.”  Running Elk took her thin white hand in his brown callused grip.  “Her heart is so full that it bleeds.  But she does not see that there is anything within her to warrant love from us.  She’s too scarred, too old, too ordinary and a host of other ‘too’ things that she’s listed in her own mind.  Perhaps it is the sure and certain knowledge of her past lives when all she was, was a tool of the Great Goddess to be used at Her bidding.  In those lives, she loved a world, then a people and finally a family.”

 “And this time, she’s back to loving an entire world and the people of Moon Base who have become her family.”  Sam half whispered under the ongoing conversation at the other end of the table.

 Running Elk smiled gently and looked beyond them.  “Perhaps, Sam but have you thought that maybe this life, she’s fallen in love with a person.  And she’s fighting for him or her with all her will.”

 “What?  What did I miss?”  Sam’s look of consternation matched what Penelope was feeling.

 “I may be wrong but it just seemed to me to be very . . . personal to her.”  The elderly Apache lifted his shoulders and let them drop.  “Something to think about.”

 Penelope cast her mind over the last few times she’d seen Ruth with others.  “She always looks so wistful when she’s watching you and Seth.  And when Wolf and Marag hold each other, she smiles so tenderly.”

 Sam flushed a little.  “She says that lovers give off more energy than any others.  It’s why Seth and I always hug her when we see her first thing in the morning.”

 “Why . . . never mind.”  Penelope held up her hand.  “I really don’t have a need to know that.  I think you may be right, Running Elk but I do hope it’s not Father Adam.  He has enough to contend with without adding that kind of battle with his conscious.  Although, he seems to have found some peace lately, don’t you think?”

 The two men traded looks and she wondered what she was missing.  It was one of those looks that said they’d seen something that she hadn’t.  She made a firm resolve to watch Ruth more closely.  What ever it was, it could effect all of Moon Base and she’d made too many friends here to risk losing any of them to a leader on the edge.

*****************

 Three days later, Penelope was about ready to give up the search for what Ruth’s motives might be.  Every time she had the chance to watch her interacting with others, something came up that sent her out of reach.  Jane Hyde and David Elliot had arrived that afternoon for an update on their progress to becoming self-sufficient.  It was so good to see someone from outside of their community.

After a concert in the main hall on the evening of the third day, she mingled with the musicians and surreptitiously watched Ruth smiling at some of the youngsters’ antics.  It was hard to see which way her gaze was directed because there was only one eye to track.  And the silver eye was always moving unless she was talking with someone.  Penelope had to give her credit for being able to focus.  She always gave her full attention to whomever she was talking.

 “Shima, did you hear my drum?”  Dakota tugged just a little on her skirt.

 “Goodness, yes.”  Penelope smiled down at the child who’d been practicing assiduously for days.  “A very good tone, I thought.  And your timing was excellent.”

 “Thank you.”  The little girl smiled brightly and hugged her once before moving on to her grandmother.

 Penelope mused on how natural it felt to be here surrounded by people she’d never have known in her old life.  It was like being reborn into a community of friends that widened with each new arrival.  Crossing her fingers, she sent up a fervent prayer that no one would come to destroy their harmony.  Moving slowly through the dispersing crowd, she watched everyone smile and interact with each other like they would with their own families.

 Ruth was still speaking with one of the students who’d played a flute solo.  Her hands were clasped behind her back and she was flanked on either side by her familiar shadows Joe and Father Adam.  She was smiling and the tension that never seemed to leave her was absent.  For a moment the world grayed out and Penelope had one of her split-second visions.

 A limp body with white hair sprawled on the cold floor of the Moon Base.  She was alone and Penelope could tell that she wasn’t breathing.  Then it was gone and the familiar colors of the meeting hall replaced the vision.  All her life, she’d had these foretellings of the future.  Mostly they were a moment out of time, silly little pictures that gave a warning or showed a promise.  But this one seemed different.

 This one felt real.

 “Penelope, would you care to share a pot of tea with me?”  Ruth’s voice broke into her thoughts and she realized that they were now alone in the center of the hall.

 “Yes.  I . . . I’d like that.”  She stammered slightly, wondering how much real time had passed while she was seeing the future.

 “Joe, is making it now and he’ll bring it down to the observation dome if you wouldn't mind walking that far.”

 “What a good idea, I haven’t been down there in weeks.”  Penelope recovered her poise and walked by the side of the shorter woman while they made their way to the quiet room at the end of the storage spoke.  “You know, I’ve wondered why this observatory isn’t at the end of the science hall.”

 Ruth chuckled.  “It was supposed to be but Regani read the blue prints a little differently than we expected.  I guess on the Ikiiri outposts, each arm that radiates out from the center ends in an observatory dome.  Something about their need to be able to see out, even if they’re underground.”

 “Ah, I see.  Peter must have stopped them from doing so to the other arms.”

 “Yes, but I’m rather glad that he left this one.  It’s peaceful down here and all the little problems that come up during the day seem so petty when put into perspective.  Most nights you can find me here.”  She quirked her lips up and speared Penelope with a glance.  “It’s a good place to talk about things.”

 She blushed all the way up to her hairline.  “That obvious, was it?”

 “Not to anyone else.  Your aura has some patches of lavender in it and that usually means concerns or problems.”

 They reached the dome and sank into two of the comfortable chairs that were pulled up close to the dome wall.  Penelope swung her feet up onto the footstool and laid her head back against the smooth leather.  The chair enveloped her into a quickly warming embrace and she found herself relaxing immediately.

 An answering sigh from the other chair made her tilt her head towards Ruth.  Her chair seemed to have swallowed her up too, the shock of white hair showing against the dark leather.  Her eye was closed and her pale face seemed even more wan than usual.  The clink of a tray warned them of Joe’s approach and Penelope tried to sit up a little straighter only to find herself caught fast in the depths of the chair.

 “Rose hips and hibiscus flower tonight, Ruth.  You need more vitamin C in your diet.”  Joe explained while setting down the tray between them and pouring each of them a cup of steaming tea.

 “Thank you, Joe.  It smells delicious and you’re probably right.”  Ruth sat up a little and accepted her cup.  “We’ll bring the tray back with us when we finish star gazing.”

 He bowed to her and shot Penelope a piercing glance that seemed both a warning and a plea.  Don’t hurt her, it seemed to say.  And find out what is wrong, it pleaded.  She nodded her head in acknowledgment and took her first sip of tea.  It tasted of citrus and sweet flower.  The silence that fell was oddly companionable and she let it fill her with quiet warmth.  She and her husband used to sit like this on the patio behind the house down in Tucson while he was stationed there.  Edward had just been born and his cradle sat between them so they could take turns rocking him.

 “The sacred silence, Queen Terana called it.  A moment when you simply exist, not doing or thinking just alive in that space of time.”  Ruth’s voice was contemplative.

 “Something’s bothering you.  Can you share it?”  Penelope didn’t know where the question had come from but somehow she’d slipped into nurse mode.

 “Dakota called me ‘Shima’ today.  Do you know what that means?”  Ruth took another sip of tea while her eye watched the stars above them.  “It means ‘grandmother’.  I’ve never felt old before.  But for some reason that made me feel my age and more.”

 Penelope thought about that.  “How old are you?”

 “Forty-five, soon to be forty-six.  My birthday and Seth’s are about a week apart.  We’re both born under the sign of the Bull, Taurus.”

 “Oh, I didn’t realize.”  Penelope had thought she was in her fifties for some reason.  “It’s probably just your white hair.”

 “No, she sees clearly is all.  I feel ancient.  The weight of six thousand years sometimes feels too heavy.”  Ruth cradled her cup between her hands and kept on speaking.  "I only ever once had children and that was in China with Toby and Mei Ling.  Chang was a good man but it was an arranged marriage as they all were back then.  All my love went to those two little boys.  Sometimes, my arms ache to hold them again, to feel the sweet weight of their heads against my shoulder and their solid warmth in my lap.  I’m afraid it’s too dangerous for me to even touch a child now.”

 “Is there no way that you can protect against the energy drain?  Wearing gloves perhaps?”  Penelope ventured a suggestion.  It was only two weeks since she’d been let into the circle of people who knew about Ruth’s healing abilities and what fueled them.

 “I’ve tried it all.  The Goddess didn’t leave me an owner’s manual and I was only an apprentice priestess in Atlantis.  I remember most of the teachings on healing but I guess I hadn’t gotten that far when I fought the Ikiiri the first time.  And I haven’t spoken with Her in months.  I try not to pester her with my little problems.  She has a whole world to take care of and I’m just one of her children.”  Ruth sat up and reached for the teapot.

 This time, Penelope found the energy to sit up also and hold out her cup for more tea.  Part of her pondered the matter-of-fact way that Ruth spoke of her deity while the rest of her brain tried to come to grips with the problem.  “But why now are you feeling so old?  You’ve had time to come to grips with your past lives.  Something personal must have happened to make you feel this way.”  She thought over Ruth’s earlier words.  Arranged marriages . . . a good man . . . all my love . . . children.  She was beginning to see a pattern.

 Perhaps Running Elk was right and she had fallen in love.  But how could she bring it up without embarrassing them both?  A glimmer of an idea fluttered through her mind and she decided to take a chance.

 “I thought I was past all that nonsense now that I’m in my seventies.  Enjoying the give and take of debate, feeling that little shiver of need when someone you like looks at you with sultry eyes and certainly not falling in love again.”  She fixed her eyes on the steam drifting up from her cup.

 “You and Running Elk make a very nice couple.”  Ruth’s voice had a smile in it.

 “I’m not too old, do you think?”  She risked a look over at the other woman.

 “Love doesn’t have an age limit.  It’s a blessing that can come at any moment.  I was rather hoping that your Peter and Jane might come back together again.  They’re both so vibrant and their friendship is such a good base for love.”  Her voice was wistful again.

 “I can’t say that I didn’t hope so too but I think they grew too far apart to come back together again as anything but friends.  That David she works for seems to be half in love and half incredulous that she might love him back.”  Her eyes searched for Ruth’s reaction and the rueful smile seemed to say it all.

 “Yes, Jane is gently encouraging him to meet her halfway but I know exactly how he feels.  You’d think I should know better.  I had my shot at love years ago and now it’s years too late.”  Ruth shook her head.  “Is that what you wanted to know, Penelope?  Whether or not I am too distracted by my emotions to protect the base?”

 Penelope blushed again.  “Something like that, Ruth.  You have a lot of people worried about you and depending on you to keep them alive.  To keep all of us headed in the right direction.”

 “The path is clear, Penelope.  And I trust the Council to keep all of you safe.  The Goddess wants you to succeed.”

 “And what about you?  What do you want?”  Penelope dared to bluntly ask.

 “You and Father Adam ask the same questions.  Thankfully, the seal of the confessional keeps him silent.”  Ruth leaned her head back against the chair.  “What do I want?  World peace . . . a better life for all my children . . . someone to hold me and tell me it will all be all right.”

 “Big dreams, Ruth.  World peace will come when we grow up and leave the games of war behind.  When we put children and love ahead of power, then the better life will come.  And is the last so very impossible?”

 “Yes, it is completely out of the question.  He’s too young and too beautiful and headed straight towards his most cherished dream.  I’d just embarrass him with my feelings.  The most he might feel would be gratitude and that’s a poor substitute for love.”  Her voice dropped to a whisper.  “I try not to even think about him except as a friend.  I try not to . . . dream.”

 Penelope didn’t know what to say to her while her mind sorted through all the possible men in Moon Base.  It didn’t sound like it was Father Adam.  “He’s already taken then?”

 Ruth scrubbed her face with her free hand.  “No, it’s not Sam or Seth or Wolf.  It’s just someone very inappropriate.  Penelope, I’d appreciate it if you would keep this to yourself.”

 “Running Elk’s the one who asked me if you might be fighting for a lover.”

 Ruth snorted.  “I should have known that wily old man would suss me out.  It doesn’t really matter.  We’ll be through the worst of the threat soon.  Jamie is working on some of the leads that Martin developed about the people who seem to have targeted us.  Hopefully, we’ll be able to stop them before they can target us again.”

 Penelope took the change of topic graciously but determined that she would keep watch to see who Ruth interacted with in the coming days.

***************

 Six days later, she found herself a part of the welcoming committee for some scientists who were joining them.  Sam and Dr. Reinbeau were by her side to welcome Dr. John Soval and his family.  They needed another radiation specialist and he was reputed to be the best.  She just hoped that he, his wife and their two children wouldn’t miss the warmth of their native Australia.

 Checking the list on the computer screen, she smiled at Dr. Longer who was practically vibrating in wait for the earthquake expert, Dr. Quentin and his family.  They’d been experiencing little quakes since they’d arrived and with only one geologist on staff, he’d been run ragged.

 All in all, they were expecting nine new souls to join them.  When she turned back to the air lock door, she spotted Ruth for the first time.  She was always there to greet the new arrivals and welcome them to Moon Base.  Remembering her first sight of the small woman, she stood back to let her go ahead.  For some reason, neither Joe nor Father Adam was at her side and that sent a shiver of unease down her spine.

 The door opened slowly and Ruth was there to shake hands with the two children who had raced ahead of their parents.  The greetings were exchanged amid laughter and Dr. Soval proved to be a jovial Santa Claus clone with his charming wife Elizabeth and his two freckled sons Denis and Paul.  They left for the meeting hall and the next family came into the corridor.  The sense of unease was back and Penelope wandered at Ruth’s touching of the new arrivals.

 Ruth shook hands with dark haired Dr. Quentin, holding on to his hand between both of hers and speaking quietly.  Whatever she’d asked seemed to satisfy her and her smile was calm as she passed him on to Dr. Longer.  Bending down, she solemnly shook hands with eight year old Justin Quentin while brushing back a lock of hair on his forehead.  Then dropping to one knee, she held out her hand to shy five year old Naomi who gave her a long hug instead.

Penelope was waiting for Mrs. Quentin to disembark so she could shepherd her and the baby to their quarters.  She waited patiently while Naomi and Ruth put their heads together for a whispered conversation.  Then Ruth was standing up and introducing Penelope to the smiling child.  They had their own little talk and when next she looked up, Ruth was holding the fussing baby to one shoulder, patting the tiny back with an experienced hand while talking calmly to his mother.

 Jennifer Quentin was smiling and shaking her head to some question Ruth was asking.  Loosening her right hand, Ruth held it out to the tall willowy woman with the sweet smile.  Their clasp lasted a long moment then Ruth handed back baby Aaron.  She stepped aside and waved them on towards Penelope who was holding hands with small Naomi and telling her about Dakota and the other children she’d be playing with.

 They had started towards the meeting hall, all of them chattering away when she saw Sam pause and look back towards the airlock.  At that moment, the klaxon sounded loudly overhead and Penelope swung Naomi up into her arms and headed for the family quarters.  Calling to Jennifer to follow her, she looked back in time to see her latest vision come true.

 Ruth lay in a crumpled heap on the ground with Sam racing back to try and reach her before the doors automatically closed her in the airlock.  He reached her just as the doors shut them from her sight.  And then the alarm went quiet.  Immediately, she hugged young Naomi close and began to pray with all her heart that Ruth would survive this latest attack.

 Whatever it was.

*********************
End of chapter 35