Toby came awake with a start, sitting up in bed with a gasp and the traces of tears on his cheeks.  “Shit, that was worse than last night.”  He rubbed his face with shaky hands.  The emotions were so strong with this dream.  Taking a deep breath, he let it out and reached for the notebook and pen he’d started leaving by his bed.  This was the third night of dreams and he was beginning to think that he was going to have to talk to someone about them.

He wrote down every detail that he could remember and when he was done, he set the notebook aside and got up to head down the hall to the bathroom.  It was quiet in the dorm halls, everybody was either out taking a test or studying for one.  The hall clock said it was 6 a.m. and he swore silently.  This was way too early to be up and about but he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.

He finished pissing away the beer he’d consumed the night before and pulled his sweat pants back up.  Going out to wash his hands, he looked at himself in the mirror above the sink.  He looked the way he always looked.  Straw colored hair tousled every which way, green eyes and his mom’s nose instead of the hawk nose that his big brothers had inherited from Dad.  6 foot 4 inches, not three foot nothing and Chinese to boot.  For a moment though, he saw the dream Li reflected back at him.

Clutching the sink, he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cold mirror.

“Toby, are you all right?”  A concerned voice came from the swinging doors.

“Yeah.  Fine.”

“Now, why don’t I believe you, Hot Shot?”

Toby stepped back and opened his eyes to meet a soft pair of brown, almond shaped eyes.  “Because you know me pretty well, Mei Ling?”

“That could be it.  You’ve been getting tenser since Tuesday.  Is it your Psych exam?”  The petite Chinese student stood beside him and looked up from her diminutive height of 5 foot 4 inches.  Which meant she looked up quite a ways.

“No.  I don’t think so.”  He thought about that for a moment.  “Although it does have to do with some kind of weird psychology.  Do you have time to talk for a bit?”

“Sure.  My calculus test isn’t until 8:30.  Let me take care of business and I’ll come down to your room.  Or better yet, you can buy me breakfast at the Student Union.”  She waggled her eyebrows at him and he grinned down at her.

“Sounds good.  I’ll see you in a minute.”  He left and hurried back to his room to get dressed.  Jeans and a sweatshirt didn’t take long but he was still lacing up his boots when she tapped on his door.  “Come on in.  I just need to get something for you to read.”

“Well, that’s a better pickup line than the one you used on Natalie last week.”  Her dry tones always made him laugh and today was no different.  She was wearing a black jacket with the collar up and her red mittens waggled at him comically.

Grabbing his green quilted vest, he stuck the notebook in his outer pocket.  “Let’s go.  I’m suddenly starving.”

They exited the dorms and headed across campus with its light dusting of snow.  He breathed deeply and let it go with an explosive exhalation.  “Damn, I’m glad mid-terms are almost over.  I’ve just got Psych at 10 this morning and then I think I’ll head home for a visit.”

“That’s new.  I thought you were going to New York with Rick for a Broadway fix.”  She tugged on his elbow and glared him into slowing down.

Obediently, he shortened his stride and shrugged.  “Yeah, I know.  But . . . I just need to touch base.  Do you ever get hunches?”

“It’s called women’s intuition, thank you very much.”  She cocked her head and looked sideways at him.  “I have my fair share.  Does this ‘hunch’ have something to do with what you want to talk about?”

“Yeah.  For the last three nights, I’ve had the same dream.”  He held the door to the quietly humming Student Union for her and followed her in.  The cafeteria was open 24/7 during midterm week and they quickly chose their favorite breakfasts before finding an empty table near the big plate glass windows overlooking the outdoor patio.

He handed her the notebook open to what he’d written after the first night.  “They’re all pretty much the same.  But last night was a little different.  Read first while you’re eating then ask me questions.”

“Sure.”  She propped it up on the napkin holder beside her corn flakes and poured the milk first before starting to read.

He buttered his warm blueberry bagel and opened the container of plain yogurt while watching her out of the corner of his eye.  She flipped the first page over and read the second dream, her spoon moving slowly from the bowl to her mouth.  He realized that he had always approved of her eating habits since he couldn’t stand people who chewed with their mouths open.  Grinning faintly to himself, he reminded himself to give his mom a hug when he saw her next.  That foible was all hers.

That thought, however, reminded him of his dream-self and the pain of losing his mother to the Goddess.  He chewed thoughtfully and wondered why he thought of it that way.  Somehow, he knew that Li’s mother had never come home to her sons.  The little boy had realized that when he saw the light cascading over her.

“Well, these are really detailed.”  Mei Ling’s voice broke into his thoughts.  “Were the dreams as full of energy as what you’ve written seems to say?”

“Yeah.  I was there, Mei Ling, in the courtyard, looking at the bamboo.  I could taste the cold mountain water, feel Ping’s hand in mine, smell the almond flowers in the tree where Mama was sitting.”

“Well, I have to say that it sounds to me more like a past life experience than a dream.”  She said matter of factly.  “What kind of robes were the monks wearing?”

“Brown with blue sashes.”

“Hm-m, pre-Buddha.  We’re probably talking B.C.  Describe for me the mountain.  One peak or two, what kind of elevation are we talking?  Himalayas or maybe the Altai Mountain range?  Former Han or Later Han?  Did your father have a title?  How was he dressed?”  She flipped to an empty page and started taking notes.

“Past life?  Are you nuts?”  Toby finally broke through her questions.

She leveled a measuring gaze at him.  “Fine.  Your subconscious is simply telling you that you’ve been abandoned by your mother and suffer from a neurosis because of those feelings of rejection.”

“Mom didn’t abandon me.  She doesn’t know what to do with me sometimes but she never rejected me.  Not even when I told her and Dad that I wanted to be an archaeologist.”  Toby glared at her.

“Then explain the intense detail of a China that no longer exists.”  She went back to spooning up her soggy cereal.

Toby opened his mouth then stopped to think, closing his eyes and concentrating on the scenes that were becoming so familiar.  Some of the details were more vivid than his memories of his last trip home.  “Shit.  This is too weird.”

Mei Ling snorted.  “Is your mother in the dream your current mom?”

“No.”  Toby opened his eyes, surprised as his quick answer.  His eyes met his friend’s and he saw the compassion there.  For the first time, he wondered why the first person who’d asked him what was wrong, was the person who specialized in the ancient history of his dream-self.  “Oh hell, it does feel like memories.  But why now?  I’ve never wondered about reincarnation or karma or any of that religious stuff.”

“Good question.  Nothing from home that might have raised up hidden memories?”  She asked quietly while peeling her banana.

He watched the yellow peel fall to the table.  “Nothing.  The dreams just started three days ago out of nowhere.”

“But you are feeling an urge to go home because of the dreams.”  She broke the banana in two and offered him half.

Toby shook his head no and ran the fingers of his right hand through his hair.  “Yes.  Part of this feeling is the need to touch base and collect some hugs.  But part of it is an . . . I don’t know what to call it, an itch at the back of my mind that says I’m needed somewhere.”

“Cool.  Can I come too?  I do speak the language.”  She batted her eyes at him and he broke into laughter, finally accepting the half of banana from her fingers.

“Sure.  Why not?  The more the merrier.”  He finished the banana in two bites.  “Now, what were your other questions?”

Mei Ling took notes while she quizzed him about all he’d seen around him.  Halfway through a question, she noticed the time, shrieked in dismay and ran from the cafeteria.  Toby checked his watch and realized they’d been talking for two hours.  Oh yeah, she had a midterm at 8:30.  Shoving the notebook into his pocket, he cleared the table of their breakfast debris and headed back to the dorm.  He wanted to pack before his Psych test so they could leave right after.

His test went like a breeze; all the answers clear in his head.  The essay part was a little trickier since the urge to leave was getting stronger but he buckled down and wrote three pages of semi-intelligent answer.  Handing in his blue book with a sigh of relief, he practically ran to the dorms, only stopping on third floor to tell Rick that he was going home.  When he got to his room, Mei Ling was waiting on the floor outside his door with a big book in her lap and her backpack by her side.

“Won’t be two minutes.  I’m already packed.”  He said, stepping over her and unlocking his door.

“No hurry.  Can we stop for lunch on the way?  I’m starving.”  She spoke around the apple in her mouth.

“Why you don’t weigh three hundred pounds is beyond me.”  Toby said over his shoulder while he found his car keys and picked up his small suitcase.

“My metabolism takes care of all that.  The women of my family are all big eaters.  If I remember correctly, your mom is a very good cook.”  Mei Ling stood and slung her pack over one shoulder.

“Yes, she’s a good cook and yes, we can stop for lunch on the way.  If we take highway 9, we’ll be in Worcester before you faint from hunger.”  He dodged her blow and let her chase him all the way down to the parking lot.

*********

“Mom!  I’m home.”  Toby called out while ushering Mei Ling into the kitchen.  He headed first to the cookie jar and brought it back to the table before checking the message center on the refrigerator.

“Keep it down, Toby.”  The voice startled him into spinning around.

“Sam?  What are you doing home in the middle of the day?”  Toby took a good look at his big brother and wondered when he’d last had a good night’s sleep.  His hair was standing up every which way and the circles under his eyes told of sleepless nights – a lot of sleepless nights.

“I could ask you the same question.  Did Mom know you were coming home this weekend?”  Sam ran one hand through his hair and sat down next to Mei Ling.  “Good to see you again, Mei Ling.  Are there any cookies left?”

“Yep.  I guess I could spare you a couple.”  She grinned at him and slid the jar over.  “Of course, they’d go better with milk.”

“I’m getting it, I’m getting it.  Sheesh, you’re so impatient.”  Toby grabbed three glasses from the cupboard, bringing them and the milk to the table.  “Is there a problem, Sam?  Why you’re home, I mean.”

Sam cocked his head towards the open door to their grandmother’s suite before answering.  “I brought home a patient a couple of days ago and we put her in Grandma Penelope’s room.  She’s got pneumonia and it was kind of touch and go there for a while.  We’ve been taking turns watching her.”

“Is she going to be okay?”  Mei Ling poured a glass of milk and slid it to Toby before pouring one for Sam.  “Toby and I could help, too.”

Rubbing his temple, Sam nodded his thanks for the milk, draining it with a long swallow.  “She’s better.  The problem is her lungs.  When she went through the explosion, she shredded her left lung. So when her good lung started filling with fluid, she was in big trouble.  Dad brought home some experimental drugs and they started to work yesterday.”

“But you’re still not sure.”  Toby shook his head affectionately at his favorite brother.  “You can be such a worry-wart.”

Sam chuckled tiredly.  “I know it, Toby.  But the important thing is that she is getting better.  Now, why did you come home so unexpectedly?  Is everything all right?”

“Mid-terms went okay.  But I just had an itch to come home.”  Toby debated with himself for a moment then went ahead.  “Had some strange dreams that kind of threw me. Mei Ling and I thought we’d do a little research at the Peabody while we were here.”

“Care to share them?”

Toby grinned at the question.  The really nice thing about his brother was his ability to focus completely on you when you had his attention.  And he always wanted to help.  “Mei Ling has them.  She was taking notes while I drove.”

“Here, Sam.  Start with dream one.”  Mei Ling had already pulled out the notebook and turned to the right page.

Sam started reading and the other two watched him while he skimmed through the first dream, read the second a little less quickly then very slowly read the third.  Toby poured them all more milk, getting up to rinse the gallon jug clean and write ‘milk’ on the ongoing shopping list on the fridge.  Sitting back down, he saw that Sam had finished reading and was staring into someplace very far away.

“They’re very detailed, Toby.”  Sam came back to them, his eyes turning to Toby as if measuring him.

“I know.  I swear that it felt like I was there, Sam.  All my senses were tuned up and feeding me so much data that it felt a little overwhelming.  I woke up crying Li’s tears.  Weird.”

“I can imagine.”  Sam was turning his glass around and around.

The sound of hoarse coughing came from the room behind them and Sam was on his feet in an instant, moving quickly back into bedroom.  Toby grimaced at the ugly sounding cough that never seemed to end.  Sam’s gentle murmur was soothing and pretty soon the room went quiet.  His brother appeared in the doorway then crossed to the table.

His voice dropped to almost a whisper.  “She’d like to meet you.  I need to warn you that she’s very badly scarred.  Her left side is disfigured and she lost her left eye in the explosion.  Just . . . be prepared.”

Toby nodded solemnly at the same time Mei Ling spoke up.  “Should we go in separately?  Will two of us be too much?”

Sam shook his head and smiled faintly.  “Nothing much phases her.  I think she’ll enjoy you both.”

Then he led them both into the dimly lit room.  Toby was last and for a moment he couldn’t see the bed at all, then the white head on the navy blue pillowcase turned towards them and he saw her.  All the air seemed to leave the room and for a long moment he couldn’t breathe.  The silver eye locked on his and before he knew it, he was on his knees beside the bed, holding her and being held fiercely.

“My little Li.  How very big you’ve grown.”  The soft voice was the voice of his dream mother and suddenly another time shift occurred and he remembered all that had happened after they left her at the temple.

“The earth shook and shook.  The river changed course and flooded the village.  Ping was swept away and we never found him.  Papa was killed when the fighting broke out.  There was much sickness that seemed to rise from the ground after the fifth day when the earth shook again.  The mountain disappeared completely and I knew that you wouldn’t ever come back.  I had a fever and then . . . I don’t remember anything after that.”  Toby used his hand to brush away the new tears then gently patted the tears streaming from her eye.

“I hoped that you and Ping would be safe so far from the battleground.  I knew Father Chang would protect you well but the only weapon I had was the earth.  A major fault led directly under the mountain range.  When I used the crystal to signal the Ikiiri, I didn’t even think of the river.  I knew only that the strike had to be swift to take their Queen out in the first encounter.”  She ran a shaky finger down his cheek.  “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you, Li.  In a very real sense, I was fighting for you.  But still I failed.”

“Was it worth it?”  Toby asked.

“It bought Earth another two thousand years.”  She leaned back against the pillows with a sigh and the beginning of another coughing spell.

Sam was right there with a spoonful of something green and Toby got out of his way, turning to Mei Ling and surprising a look of awe on her face.  “What?”

“That was the most incredible thing I ever heard.  Do you realize that you were speaking Chinese?  It was a very ancient dialect that I just barely understood.  She was the mother from your dream?”

“Yes.  When I saw her, I remembered what happened after we left her at the monastery.  Earthquakes devastated the whole area, the river changed course, everyone went nuts and we all mostly died.”  Toby watched his friend absorb the baldly stated recital and thought over the wrenchingly sad emotions he had ‘remembered’.

“What did you ask her at the end?  I couldn’t catch it although I got part of her answer.  Something about years.”  Mei Ling wore the intense look she always had when she was deciphering things.

“We’ll have to ask her, in English, this time.  This is kind of intense.”  He felt a sudden need to do something strenuous.

“Sam, I believe that the two of you need time to talk.  If this young lady would be willing to sit with me, perhaps you could go running.  Chase away the cobwebs and exchange information.”  The tired woman in the bed looked at Sam then Toby before smiling faintly.  “It seems my past is catching up with me.”

“Good idea, Ruth.  I’m willing if Toby is.”  Sam stood and shot his brother a look that told him he’d better be willing.

“Yeah.  Sounds good.  It was a long drive and I could use the exercise.  Let me get the bags from the car and I can change upstairs.  Mei Ling, I’ll put your bag in Pete’s room.  He’s not here, is he?”

“Not yet.  But who knows if that will change?”  Sam shrugged fatalistically.

They both changed clothes and headed out to run the back roads near the golf course.  Jogging slowly, they eased tight muscles until with a nod to each other, they began to run.  Toby breathed in the cool autumn air and felt his lungs expand with the familiar scents of home.  No matter how often and how far he traveled, this would always be home to him.

“We need to talk, Tob’.  Something is going on here that I don’t understand.  It’s like we’ve become participants in some strange play.  And I don’t know what our lines are or where the next act is.”  Sam turned his head to look at him.  “And what the hell was with the Chinese?”

So, Toby told him what the conversation consisted of and the feelings he’d felt at holding his . . . ‘mother’ for the first time in 2000 years.  He could see Sam absorbing the facts and feelings, slotting them into the jigsaw puzzle that was his patient.  In return, he spoke of how he’d met Ruth and some of the strange things she’d said.

They ran in silence for almost two miles.  Toby let his thoughts go free, concentrating only on his body and the rhythms of movement.  His muscles began the burn that presaged that place where he always did his best thinking.  Pieces of the puzzle began to come together for him and he slowed into a jog.

“She said it gained two thousand years.  That means it’s time for this . . . threat to return.”

“The word ‘Ikiiri’ doesn’t mean anything to me.  She said her past was catching up to her.  But she doesn’t look Chinese to me so she can’t be two thousand years old.”  Sam slowed too and grinned at Toby.

“Mei Ling said my dreams were past life memories.  Could the explosion you spoke of have sent her deep enough to awaken past memories of her own?”  Toby was still trying to make logic out of illogic.

“I’m afraid I’ve never heard of anything like this happening.  Then again, if it ever has happened, the recipient is probably in a mental institution.  That’s probably why she wouldn’t go to the hospital.  I expect she’s on some state’s ‘missing believed to be nuts’ list.”

“So why are we taking her seriously?”  Toby wasn’t really asking a question.

“Why are you having dreams about ancient China and being a little boy named Li?  And how did she know your dream name?”  Sam sighed and slowed to a walk.

Toby walked beside him, stretching his arms out wide then dropping one around his brother’s shoulders.  “I expect that we need to talk to her some more.  You know it’s the Chinese who have that great saying.  ‘May you live in interesting times.’”

“That’s a curse, Tob’.  And you’re probably right.”  Sam had that far away look again.

“Is there something else we need to talk about, big brother?”  He teased him gently and was surprised to see him frown heavily.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

Sam tried a smile.  “Just something I’m working on in my head, little brother.  Nobody can help me try and figure this one out.  I’m . . . readjusting some of my thinking.”

"This doesn’t have anything to do with that silly Eleanor does it?  I mean you’re not really serious about her?  She’s like a total wench.”  Toby took his courage in hand and said what he’d wanted to say for several months.

This time the smile was genuine.  “Don’t worry, you won’t have to call her sister.  My standards are much higher than that.  She was just handy to take out while I worked through something else.  I’ve broken three dates in as many days so I expect I’m off her list by now.”

“Never happen, Sam.  You’re a single, white doctor for God’s sake.  You’ve made all the Debs pant for years now, man.”

“Don’t be silly, Tob’.  I’m just handy for going out and not embarrassing them in front of their friends.”  Sam shook his head with a grin.

“Oh man, you have no idea what you do to them, do you?”  Toby flicked his ear with his forefinger.  “They’re all practically salivating over snatching one of the Hamilton boys and you think they’re just putting up with you?  Talk to Mom about this, Sam.  She’ll set you straight.”

Sam winced and started walking more quickly towards home.  “I think you’re wrong but then I’ve been wrong a time or two.  Just lately, in fact.  What are we going to tell Mom and Dad about Ruth?  How is Mom going to feel about you having another mother in house?”

Toby stopped dead by the side of the road.  “Oh wow!  I never even thought about that.  I mean, I feel something for Ruth but it’s nothing like what I feel for Mom.”

“Then tell her that and give her one of your great hugs.  That will go a long way to reconciling her to this odd little menage a trois we seem to have landed in.”  Sam nudged him in the ribs and they started walking again.

“I wonder what she and Mei Ling talked about while we were gone?”  Toby cast a speaking glance at his brother.

“Three blocks to go and we can find out.”  Sam grinned and they started walking faster.  “Interesting times, huh?”

“Gotta love it, Sam.  Beats being bored any day.”  Toby grinned back.

“Let’s hope we both think that when the next ‘scene’ of this play begins.”

*********************
End chapter four