This fic is inspired by a country song I heard on the radio. I know it's short, but it's my first one ever. Let me know what you think, please.
Acknowledgments: A big hug and thank you out to my beta, Mady Bay, whose help was so invaluable to me and my pesky voice problem.

Lord, but it hurt.

Not the frantic penetration of heated flesh, as Chris thrust wildly into me. It was my heart that hurt.

I remembered Chris coming back again tonight, stinking of cheroots and not a little whiskey. Chris was always good to me, kissing me hard. Chris's kisses were like lightning on my lips, bright and shocking.

"I want you, Buck," was all Chris had had to say. All he would say.

Rough fingers pulling at my clothes, Chris stripped me fast, but stretched me slow. As I felt the hard member edge inside me, I felt a ...completeness, that's the only word ... and it filled my soul. It burned a little as first. No, don't think of burning, I reminded myself. I tried to focus on the pleasure, the warm hands, the hot flesh, but my thoughts betrayed me.

Chris was pounding into me now, his sweat dripping from his heaving chest to drip onto my already sweaty back. I tried not to think of it as punishment, how could you be punished by something you love? I loved Chris, and I loved getting fucked by Chris. But I knew why a tiny part of my heart screamed, "This is your punishment, and you deserve it!" Chris could take me, use me, as hard as he liked, because it was my fault. It was my fault that Chris was here, that Chris was fucking me and not Sar... No, don't think of her. Not now. Just take this moment, this incredible moment that is like a dream come true, as Chris holds you close and fills you so completely.

"Yes, Yes, YES, YEEEEESSSSSS!" came a guttural cry from Chris's throat as his seed boiled up from low in his balls. His hips threw one last jab, pressing tightly against my ass, all his muscles clenched tight. I could feel it inside, as the rampaging member seemed impossibly to get even bigger, swelling and pumping hot liquid deep inside. Feeling the warmth fill me sent me over the edge, my orgasm shooting from my dick to the mattress below, my ass clutching and squeezing the last drops from my best friend's cock.

Chris rolled off my back and before he could even catch his breath, started to pull away. The pale moonlight from the window barely lit the tears that started to roll unnoticed by him down his face. I saw them and tried to kiss them away.

Tears this time. Better than the shouting or the drinking or shooting up the streets. Maybe he's better. Maybe this time, he's ready. Ready to forgive me. He says it's not my fault, but I know better. It was my idea to stay one more night, just ONE more night, damn it, before heading back to the ranch.

"I don't blame you," whispered Chris, as if reading my thoughts. "I don't know how to go on, but I can't stop. I just want to stop, but I can't. Why? Just wanna stop... " Chris's voice trailed off, then as if hearing himself for the first time, it grew rough again. "I need a drink."

"Please" I cried, not willing to let him slip from my arms, not yet. Please just an hour, a few minutes, one second, just to hold on and pretend that the world didn't exist, that the man I loved could feel love for me, or feel it at all. If his heart hadn't been torn out and replaced with a smoking cinder. "I thought this time...."

"Next time, I'll stay," he said, but I could tell from the tone that this time was the last time. Chris would be lighting out of town here to find a new town where the reputation of the notorious Chris Larabee maybe hadn't grown so big and terrible. He sure was in a hurry to get his clothes back on.

"I have to go," he said, grabbing his black duster. "I'll .... I'll see you around, Buck." Yep, he was definitely leaving, maybe even tonight. My own tears started to fall as Chris walked away without a glance back.

That's it, no more crying. Buck Wilmington wasn't gonna pine away, not anymore. No sirree. There were a lot of soft, warm, beautiful ladies in this world, and I've got animal magnetism going for me. I love the ladies, and the ladies love me. That's what life held for Buck Wilmington.

There would never be another man, because there was no other. Not like Chris.

And someday, when we meet again, if Chris lived that long, I'll smile and put my arms around my old friend. I'll look into those gorgeous grey-green eyes and love him with all my heart. But we would never share a bed again. It hurt every time.

Every time Chris said it was over; that he had healed; that he could love again.

Every time, he lied.
And every time, I cried.

THE END