The big man leaned against the wall behind him, his knees crossed in front of him. His feet resting on the edge of the concrete wall, his arms looped loosely around his knees. Turning his head slightly he could see the party going on inside his apartment. His six closest friends in the world and respective dates and friends were all inside.

His deep blue eyes were blind to all but one of the room's occupants. His troubled gaze followed the careless movements of his young flatmate as he played the gracious host. Something he himself should be doing but couldn't quite bring himself to do. To play host to his friends was to spend the night most renowned for sharing kisses with the person he would never kiss. That was something his heart could just not bear.

Tipping his head back until it rested on the wall that supported him, he closed his eyes and sighed in weary frustration. He wasn't even aware of the lone fat tear that escaped his eye until the gentle breeze blowing against his flushed skin touched it. Lifting callused fingers to his face he collected the moisture on his fingertip and lifted it to his lips, kissing his unshared sorrow away.

Hearing the sliding door beside him being pushed open he drew a deep breath and turned his head. He wasn't ready yet to talk to anyone. His emotions were too raw, too intense to confront the source of his demons. He hadn't even needed to open his eyes to know that his young flatmate had stepped out on to the balcony. The scent that clung to his young friend, was imprinted onto his soul. Even the slightest hint of it and he knew that JD was nearby.

"You're gonna miss the countdown Buck," JD stated and stepped closer to his housemate.

"It's only midnight JD," Buck shrugged, swinging his legs around and sitting on the rail looking for all the world like he was poised to jump.

"It's the start of a new millennium Buck," JD sighed. "This isn't just another new year. Aren't you the least bit excited about being here for the start of a new millennium?"

"The number don't matter kid, it's a new year that's all" Buck spoke dismissively.

"A new millennium Buck, not a new year, how many times do I have to tell you?"

"Shouldn't you be inside with Casey?" Buck sighed wearily listening to the sounds of the party within.

"Nope" JD spoke softly. "I'm with the one I want to be with at midnight."

Buck's eyes flashed to JD's guileless face trying to read the meaning of his words there. His mind rifling through any conversation they had shared in the last few weeks that may have given his true feelings away.

"Kid, you don't know what you're talking about," he swung his legs over the railing and moved to face the younger man, his eyes studiously fastened somewhere above JD's head.

"Guess not," JD shrugged "I'm just a dumb kid who hasn't got a clue how to look after himself let alone understand what's going on."

"What's going on where?" Buck frowned his eyes flying to JD's hazel orbs "Who the hell said you're dumb?"

"You don't have to say it Buck" JD shook his head as he reached out one hand to trail his thumb across Buck's moustache.

Buck recoiled from him as if burnt, his mouth desperately trying to blow JD's fingers away from his upper lip.

"What the hell you talking about boy?" Buck frowned backing up against the wall. His own hands trembling as he grasped the railing trying to put some distance between them, even as JD stepped forward.

"I'm talking about us Buck," JD murmured. "You think I don't see the way you look at me?" JD shrugged as he pushed forward intent on bridging the chasm that was growing between them.

"Because you're family JD," Buck sighed realizing that he wasn't going to get away from the smaller man. "Of course you're important to me."

"If I'm just family," JD spoke softly. "Why the hell haven't you got a date for the most important night of the century."

"How many times do I have to tell you kid?" Buck sighed impatiently. "This isn't an important night. It's just another night."

"You are so full of crap," JD spoke, his hand reaching up to once again trail his thumb across Buck's lips. "If it's not an important night, why are you sitting out here looking like you've lost your best friend?"

"Dammit," Buck roared at him. "Leave it alone JD." Pushing past him and stalking to the other side of the small patio, desperate to put some space between himself and the touch he craved.

"I won't," JD shook his head and followed him placing a trembling hand on his back. "You're not the only one that feels like that Buck."

Buck allowed his heart a moment to absorb the words that washed over his aching heart like a healing salve, but his mind wouldn't allow him to accept the bliss they created.

"You haven't got a damn clue what you're talking about JD," he spoke harshly. 'Go back inside and kiss your girlfriend."

"I don't have a girlfriend Buck," JD shrugged. "Casey's just a friend, I've known for a while now who I truly want"

"I won't let you do this JD," Buck shrugged out from under the younger man's touch. "Just go back inside and forget about me."

"Can't do that," JD shook his head, his tousled hair falling into serious hazel eyes. "Promised myself I wouldn't let you get away this time."

Buck turned to look at him at the whispered words, seemingly believing them for the first time. One callused hand reached out with chilled fingers to cup JD's cheek as he looked into his eyes searching for some sign of fear or uncertainty.

JD froze, his eyes transfixed to Buck's, longing to reach out and touch the larger man, knowing that he couldn't. He could see it in Buck's deep blue orbs, he was as skittish as an unbroken horse, but transfixed like a rabbit caught in headlights. Long moments passed before JD lifted a hand, his eyes never leaving Buck's and covered the larger hand, pressing the featherlight touch harder against his face.

"God help me," Buck whispered as he slowly lowered his head toward JD's face. "I can't not do this."

"Shut up Buck," JD murmured as he tilted his head up, his tongue nervously tracing his lips as he waited impatiently for the kiss he'd waited for a lifetime.

His lips touched JD's slowly, tentatively, pressing warmly against the moist fleshy skin they met. His hands hovering over JD's shoulders almost fearful of touching him and breaking the spell that had wound itself around them. Pulling back he opened his eyes and smiled almost shyly as he took in JD's flushed cheeks, his thick black lashes dark crescents on his pale cheeks, his lips parting invitingly. Leaning forward once more he pressed his lips against JD's.

His own lips parted his tongue slipping slowly, almost tentatively forward to trace against JD's fleshy lower lip. Unable to restrain himself at the sound of the younger man's hungry moan, Buck let his hands touch JD's shoulder and slide down his arms, even as his teeth gently worried JD's bottom lip.

For his part JD's hands were not still. Reaching out he ran them across the corded muscles of his roommates back, tracing teasing movements through the light sweater that Buck wore, his own tongue pressing forward to trace Buck's white teeth as a moan escaped his lips. This was something he had longed of doing for months and now bliss was within his grasp.

Hands moving slowly, he hesitated for a split second before he allowed his fingers to trace across the faded denim that encased the firm buttocks his fingertips shadowed. Kneading softly, his index fingers tracing the centre seam he pulled Buck closer, their lower bodies rubbing slowly against each other.

"JD," Buck murmured, pulling away from the kiss his blue eyes filled with wonder and fear. "I won't let you do this for me."

"I'm not doing this for you," JD reached up to place gentle kisses all over Buck's chin, suckling slowly as he did. "I'm doing this for me," he extended his tongue and traced it along Buck's trembling lower lip. "Now shut up and kiss me."

"Never could resist an invitation like that," Buck growled low in his throat as he leaned his head forward, capturing JD's lips with his own.

His fears at least partially resolved, he allowed touch-starved fingers to caress JD's back through the sweater he wore. Work roughened fingertips feeling the tight muscles under the chunky wool as is fingers ran up and down the length of JD's spine. Moving against JD he turned slightly pressing the smaller man against the railing. His legs spread wide, he leaned into the kiss, their bodies touching from hip to lip. Both reveling in the experience that they shared.

JD's body strained against Buck's even as his mind registered the countdown that was happening in the room behind them. Regretfully pulling his lips away from Buck's he watched Buck's passion glazed eyes focus on his face.

"Six."

"This is why I'm here Buck," he spoke softly, one hand reaching up to push a stray lock of hair from Buck's face.

"Five," came the call from behind the glass doors beside them.

"I don't want to lose you as my best friend," JD continued earnestly, pressing a finger to Buck's lips as he spoke.

"Four."

A long second of silence stretched between them, both peering into the others eyes searching for the answer.

"Three."

"But I won't spend the rest of my life missing you as my lover," he murmured.

"Two."

They could almost hear their hearts beating in the silence that stretched between them before they listened to the clock strike midnight. A resounding chorus of Happy New Year from inside their apartment and a burst of fireworks on the horizon in the night sky sounded as their lips met in a long tender, drugging kiss.

"Happy New Millennium Buck."