there is little het in this story. don't worry buck is not part of it.

// It's always hard letting go.
Letting go of the first and only love you ever had. But as they say... " If you love them, let them go." And that is exactly what I'm doing. //

He looked down at the piece of paper in front of him and sighed. It was harder than he'd thought. Writing the last letter, Letter to Chris, the only person who had ever really mattered to him. His hands were shaking and eyes were shining with unshed tears. And all he could think of was his shining smile as he told him he was getting married. That was the moment he knew he had to leave.

Chris entered the saloon with a smile that was so rarely seen on his face. He came to Buck and suddenly hugged him. "Wow, what's going on? Is everything alright?" Chris just smiled and then turned to see all the others of the 7 men. "I'm getting married!!" It was quiet... so very quiet. And then every one was hugging and shaking hands. Batting them selves to the back and saying "I told you so!" Buck just looked at his friends back and said "congratulation" as cheerfully as he possibly could. The turning away from the marry croup of men.

That was when he knew he couldn't stay anymore. He couldn't just stand there and look as the man he loved was in someone else's arms. So he made his decision to leave as soon as his duty was done. As soon as the wedding were over. He couldn't possibly stay here, it would just be too much for him. He knew it was the cowards way out but... He just couldn't watch from the side as his beloved was with someone else.

The day was sunny and warm as it always is. The Town was livid and the people were merry. All except one, who was sitting alone in the saloon. He was wondering how it had again come to this point in his live. Him leaving all that he knew behind, him watching the bottom of an empty whiskey glass...

//Maybe it's destiny...// he mussed. //To live alone until death takes its harvest on me.// He was feeling melancholy for a good reason. It was the day he was leaving the four corners for the last time. It was the day after the wedding.

The sun was shining down to the church that was decorated with roses and lilies. The bell was calling the town people to the church to witness the joy of two people joining their lives as one. The day was perfect, the atmosphere was merry and joyous only one man's mind was somewhere else than in the day of joy. He only could see the last time he had watched his love be given to someone else. And the day his love had lost the love of his live.

That day had too been perfect. But to him it had been the worst storm ever even though the sun had been shining outside. That day he had broke his heart for the very first time. And today he was about to do the same thing all over again. Then when this would be over he was going to leave just like he had after Chris had lost his family to the fire. He held himself still responsible, if he just hadn't asked him to stay another night... If he hadn't been so greedy to want to spent one more night with him. But then Chris too might be dead. At least this way he was alive and was happily getting married for the second time.

The ceremony was beginning and the last people were just coming in. The priest looked at the town's people and then started talking about love and friendship, about family and hospitality, and gods great wonders. I wasn't listening much for I had heard it already once before. I just stood there in the corner that I was supposed to be standing and looked as He took his second wife and pledged to love her until death do us apart. And like I had done last time I said the very same words to him even though he would never hear them. He watched as he kissed his bride to seal the union. He smiled as he saw the smile spreading to his face as he looked at her then. He knew he would be happy for the rest of his life with her.

But what he didn't notice was the look she gave to him over Chris's shoulder. She sighed and looked away knowing Chris had broken the man's heart even if unknowing what he had done. She felt sorry for Buck, for never having the love he graved from the man he loved more than life itself. He could understand the pain but not comprehend its width.

The celebration was next in the saloon. Every one was happy and, if not little then, very drunk. Almost everyone was dancing or talking with someone. And it was almost certain that no one would go to bed alone that night. No one except perhaps Buck who was still nursing his heart with that whiskey in his glass the day after the wedding.

He poured another glass of whiskey to his glass and took the letter he had written out of his pocket. He looked at it and sighed with heavy hearth. He knew this was the last time he would see Chris ever. He couldn't possibly comeback after all this. He couldn't face Chris with the knowledge of how he felt for him.

He heard the footsteps of the others to come his way. The saloon was son filled with merry voices of the seven men. Only Buck didn't join them in the joyous talk. He just watched the letter in his hand until turning to face the merry group of men, including Chris. Buck looked at them but he never met Chris's eyes. He tried to draw their faces to his mind so that he could remember them always. Nathan, Joshia, JD, Ezra, Vin and of course Chris. He tried to burn their features to his mind so they would never fade away. He silently left the saloon and went to see Mary.

The sun was setting and the Four Corners was getting quiet. The only place still livid was the saloon. Buck was standing in front of the saloon listening the merry voices of his friends and towns men. He was trying to memorice everything about the town he had earned to call his home. But in the end all he could do was say goodbye and leave.

He was in the hill looking down at the city for the last time. He had given his letter to Mary knowing she would in turn give it to Chris after he left. He hadn't said any goodbye wanting to remember them happy. The goodbyes would only make him sadder. He was looking down and remembering all the things he had been through with all of them. He laughed a little as he remembered Ezra's adveture in the womans clothing and JD's comments to him when they first met. But in the end... that was all they were... memories. And so he went and left with tears of goodbyes that were never said.

THE END