Some of us on the lists did a Christmas card exchange and I wrote this little story as a Holiday present. I give it to all of you now in the same spirit. As I celebrate my holiday today I send out a Joyful Yule and beautiful Winter's Solstice. To all of you of other faiths I say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanzah and any other holiday of the winter season you might be celebrating. Oh and of course, a Happy New Years will soon be forthcoming, what will I do for that? Who knows!?

The snow was lightly falling as five men sat down to have breakfast. "Where's JD and Ezra?" asked Chris.

Buck took the coffee handed him with a smile. "Thank you darlin'," he told Inez before turning back to Chris. "JD's just finishing somethin' at the jail, Ezra, he ain't been fit company lately nohow."

"I noticed," Nathan added in. "He's been downright mean and rude too. It ain't like him at'all. Usually he smiles and manages to keep everyone entertained whilst he's takin' their money, but not this last week."

Inez sat plates in front of the men and one in front of the empty seat next to Buck. "Not only has he been bad-tempered but he's drinking more than usual, and it isn't his usual kind. Usually he drinks good quality scotch or whiskey, but lately he's been drinking that cheap garbage that Chris drinks." She turned to the blonde, "No offense meant Senor Chris."

Chris smile, "None taken." He turned to Vin to ask a question when the youngest of their group came in and plopped down in his usual seat. "Is this mine? Looks good Inez, could I get some coffee and a glass of milk too please." Turning his attention to the other five men he started talking, "Man it's gettin' cold out there, the snow is really startin' to come down. Is everyone set for Christmas? We are still having a get-together here for friends aren't we? Oh, hey, Josiah, Mary asked me to give you this," the kid pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it over to Josiah.

Josiah took the envelope and looked at the name of who it was from. Maude Standish, this probably ain't good, he thought to himself. He opened the letter and started reading as he ate. "Oh dear Lord." the others looked at him but he never looked up from either his breakfast of the letter. "Well that explains a lot," he muttered quietly. He looked up to see six sets of eyes staring at him. "What?"

"That's our question, what?" Nathan asked the big man setting next to him. "What's so all-fire important in that letter that you cain't even take the time ta actually taste this good cookin' a' Miz Inez here." Inez nodded in agreement.

"It's... well, it's a letter from Maude."

Vin spoke up for the first time, "You mean Maude, as in Ezra's ma, Maude?"

"Yeah, that's what I mean. Inez, you might as well pull up a chair and listen, you're as much a part of Ezra's family as we are." The ex-priest shuffled through the pages before he began to read.

Dear Josiah,
I am writing this letter in hopes that you can assist me during this holiday season. As usual Ezra has asked me to come share this time of year with him and as usual I have refused. To be honest the last Christmas season Ezra and I shared together was when he was five years old. I have never been with him at this time of year since, by my own choosing.

"That ain't right!" JD said angrily. Josiah motioned for him to be quiet before continuing on.

I am sure this is only reinforcing what you believe is my appalling lack of maternal instincts, but I will explain and hope that you, all of you will be there for him where I cannot.

I am unsure what, if anything you know of Ezra's father so I will share a bit with you. Robert Standish was a beautiful Irishman I met while running a con. He was not overly tall but had a fine figure, he had wavy chestnut-auburn hair and the most incredible green eyes. It seemed to me as if I could see his very soul in his eyes when he allowed me to. If that description reminds you of Ezra it should, for he is the very image of Robert. Even many of the things he does reminds me of Robert.

Robert owned a saloon I was 'working' out of in New York City. From the moment I met him I knew he was the man I wanted to marry. He insisted I give up the business before he would marry me, for him I would have done anything. I loved him -- as I had never loved before or since, well except for my son.

When Ezra was born it was a wonderful thing, here was a living embodiment of the love we had for each other, but it seems perhaps I was never meant to have that kind of love and passion in my life.

Ezra was five and we were out strolling about the city on Christmas Eve when we came upon a group of people. A mob of angry, out-of-control animals would be a better way to word it. They had a young black man in their clutches and were yelling about hanging him. Robert never could mind his own business, especially if someone was in need. He asked someone what was going on and someone else told him that the young man had raped a white woman. Both the young man and young woman in question immediately protested, they were in love and only wanted to be together. The mob grew angrier and Robert motioned for me to try to get the young woman out of there, which I quietly managed to do.

Robert somehow managed to free the young man and pushed him away, yelling at him to run, he did. The crowd grew angry and turned on Robert, grabbing him and beating him. I tried to stop Ezra from seeing this, but I was largely unsuccessful. When the mob finally disbursed there was Robert, lying on the street, dying. He had only time enough left to tell us that he loved us both before he was gone.

Josiah looked up to see tears coming from the six people in front of him, he could feel his own tears sliding down his face. He took a quick sip of his cooling coffee and then a deep breath before continuing.

I took Ezra to a hotel and bundled him up into bed, the poor boy was in a state of shock. The next day I spoke to Robert's partner and sold him the business and left with Ezra, never to return.

No, I was not a good mother, my only defense or rather excuse, was how much he looked like his father. Whenever I looked at him I realized what I had lost, so I stayed away. I was a fool! I was so concerned with what I'd lost that I never paid heed to what I had until I'd lost Ezra too. It's too late now, he's found a new family. One that sees him for who he is and what he can be, not who his father was.

I tried to teach Ezra to never care, to never let anyone get close to him, to never get involved. I hoped to save him the same fate that had befallen Robert; to save him from the same fate I had befallen, a broken heart.

I tried. I was wrong and I failed, thank God. The man Ezra is today is much like the man Robert wanted him to be. He would be so proud of his son, our son; just as I am. Ezra has opened up his heart to his friends, just as you have opened yours to him, giving him a home, a family, a place where he is wanted and belongs.

I beg of you, Josiah, not to let him shut you out. Not now when he truly needs someone to tell him that none of this was his fault. His father dying was not his fault, it was the fault of angry bigots who could not see love is more important that a person's race. Love is more important even than the sex of your partner, be sure you tell him that Josiah. That loving someone and being loved in return is more important than who you love.

At this Vin's head popped up, he looked at the letter Josiah was reading, then up the stairs toward Ezra's room. He smiled before settling back in to listen.

Tell him that me not being there to see him grow was my fault, not his. My own fear and stupidity made me lose a lifetime, his lifetime.

Also, please find enclosed the deed to the Saloon I so unkindly and unfairly cheated him out of. For God's sake, do not allow him to call it the Standish Tavern, Robert would roll over in his grave. He told me that one should never name a business after a living person, it was bad luck. Maybe he could name it after his father, or even that quaint little dirt-hole of a town that you'all are so fond of.

Yours,
Maude Standish.

A quiet say over the saloon until Inez finally broke it, "So, I guess this means Senor Ezra is once again my boss. It isn't as if he hadn't already been doing all the work of it anyhow. I guess he just wanted to see that his business was taken care of until it was his again."

Vin slowly rose to his feet, "If'n ya'll excuse me, this solves a problem I've been dealin' with." He nodded to everyone else before heading up the stairs to Ezra's room.

"I don't know about it solvin' any problems, but it sure answers some questions fer me." Buck turned to Chris, "Where'd Junior go?"

"To see a man about a problem."

"Uh-huh. And the man with the problem is...?"

"Vin."

"'Kay, and the man with the solution is...?"

"Ezra."

"'Kay. You got anything else ta say about this whole thing?"

"Yep."

"And that would be..."

"Josiah I want you to head over to the telegraph office and send a telegram to Maude." He wrote something on a piece of scrap paper, "This is what I want you to say." He slid the paper to Josiah before turning to JD and Buck, "I want you two to head out and find us a tree, nothing' too huge. Somethin' that will decorate well." He turned to Nathan and Inez, "You two figure out what we can decorate this with and start plannin' a menu. Josiah, after you finish with that telegram I want you to start makin' out a guest list. I'm gonna go find us somethin' for dinner. Would you prefer venison or turkey Inez?"

"Both..." she answered questioningly. "It depends on how many you are expecting. Turkey is always good, but I could do a lot with a deer." Chris just nodded his approval.

Josiah sat looking at the paper, "Chris are you sure this is all you want me to say?" Chris nodded. "Should I put your name down as the sender?" He nodded again. "Okay, I hope you know what you're doing."

"To be honest Josiah, I'm doing this by instinct. It will be alright though."

"Do you want me to talk to Ezra? Wouldn't Vin be a better bet to bring home the meat?"

"Nope, Vin and Ezra got a few things to work out amongst themselves. Although I think I will take that letter and deed and slide them under the door to Ezra's room. We'll let Vin handle this, this time he's the best man for the job." Everyone took off to do their appointed job, Chris put the letter and deed back in the envelope and walked up the stairs and quickly slid it under the door. All he could do now was hope Vin was successful, for both his and Ezra's sake.

Vin gently rapped at Ezra's door, "Ez. It's Vin. Let me in."

He heard a muffled voice through the door, "Go away."

"Cain't do that, either ya let me in, or I let myself in. Ya ain't gonna 'preciate the way I let me in."

Footsteps slowly made their way to the door. It jerked open and Ezra stood there glaring, "What do you want?"

Vin just smiled, thinking to himself how cute and approachable the gambler looked right now, all ruffled and worn-looking; definitely not his usual spiffied-up self. "Josiah got a letter from yer ma, she jist wanted him ta know how come ya hated Christmas so bad. Me I jist wanna know about what else she had to say in this letter." Vin entered the room, then turned, closed and locked the door. He turned back to see Ezra red-faced and angry.

"What does my mother think that sharing my personal problems is going to be solve. It was not for her to say anything."

"All 'n all, I gotta say I'm sorry 'bout yer dad, but it don't really interest me right now." Vin slowly advanced on the gambler until he had forced him into the rocking chair by the bed. "I'm more int'rested 'bout what she had ta say 'bout love. Said Josiah was 'posed ta tell ya that it didn't matter who or what sex the person was, jist so long as ya loved them and they loved ya back. Is this true? Do ya love other men Ezra?"

The gambler turned white and started stammering out a response, "W-well te-technically speaking I don't love anyone." Vin advanced closer to the chair, "But if you are trying to ask me if society deems me to be a pervert by loving my own sex then, yes that's true." He closed his eyes and waited for the blow, he should be used to it by now.

Instead of a blow what he felt was a caress on his cheek, then Vin slid the chair back closer to the wall before sliding his knees to the outside of Ezra's legs and sitting on top of the man's lap. When he cautiously opened one eye he could see Vin smiling at him just before he leaned forward and slowly kissed Ezra. It was a gentle and sweet kiss, the kind that promised things, the kind that allowed hope to soar inside the gambler's heart. "Vin?" he softly asked.

"I've been lovin' ya fer a long time now Ezra, jist never said nothin', didn't figure ya'd do much else other than pull that little pea-gun a' yers and shoot me. It was enough ta jist get ta be around ya, but now, now I got hope that maybe someday you'all learn ta love me too." Vin smiled, almost a little sadly.

Ezra leaned forward this time and gently returned the kiss, "You don't have to wait. From the first time I saw you I wanted you. After I got to know you then I realized that my lust had somehow turned to love, but I didn't believe you would be interested in me, so I said nothin'."

Vin chuckled, "A coupl'a a' regular fools we are. Guess this is what they mean when they say good things come to those who wait. I waited and done caught myself a gambler." He smiled down at Ezra, noticing the dark circles for the first time. "I got a lotta plans fer us, but first thing I'm gonna do is slowly undress us both, then we're gonna get in that nice soft bed a' yers and then..." Ezra leered up at him, "then we're gonna sleep."

"Sleep!"

"Sleep. You ain't been sleepin' cuz of bad memories, I ain't been sleepin' cuz I been worried 'bout you. We both need ta sleep and then get something ta eat. Then I got big plans for you." Vin slid off the chair and slowly unbuttoned the gamblers shirt, pulling it off and standing the man up and removing his trousers before pushing him down to sit on the bed. A few seconds and he was undressed and sliding both of them under the covers and wrapping himself around Ezra. "Go to sleep, I ain't gonna let no bad dreams come an' get ya, jist sleep and think of yer own plans fer me." The gambler blinked once or twice and gently laid his head down on Vin's shoulder and closed his eyes. They both were asleep in a few moments.

Ezra woke first and decided that he'd sneak down for something to eat for the both of them. He reached his door and lightly kicked something. Leaning down he found an envelope addressed to Josiah from Maude. So this was "the letter" that Vin had been referring to, he looked over at the sleeping tracker and then back at the letter before settling down into the rocker and removing the letter from the envelope.

That's where Vin found him, tears running down his face, the letter clutched to his chest, the deed lying on his lap. The younger man quickly scooped him up and set him back into the bed before finding the silver flask that Ezra always carried. "Have a sip of this," he said before tipping the flask into Ezra's mouth. He quickly gathered him up into his arms and sat there holding him until Ezra's tears had finally stopped. He gently kissed Ezra, kissed him all over, his mouth, his face, his eyes. The only way to call it would be he worshipped the older man. He worshipped with his mouth, hands and eyes. He showed his love and adoration in every movement, every look from those shining blue eyes. Finally he slid on top of Ezra to lay full length atop him, a few quick rubs and both men found their completion. He smoothed the sweat-soaked hair from Ezra's face before he gently kissed him. "Ya know what we need ta do now?" he asked the gambler. Ezra just shook his head no, "We need ta find us a meal, a bath and shave, fresh clothes. Not in any certain order either."

Ezra laughed, the kind of laugh that he hadn't been doing lately, the kind that Vin had been missing for these many weeks now. "Well, I could provide the shave, then we could proceed to the bath house with our clean clothing. After that I'm sure Inez would be more than happy to fix us somethin' to eat. After all, it seems as though I'm once again her boss. Actually..." he stopped mid-sentence and pulling on a shirt and pants headed for the door.

He found Inez on the other side preparing to knock. "Senor, I was just going to see if you were hungry perhaps." Ezra smiled and stepped outside the room and closed the door. Vin could hear mumbling between the two before Ezra stepped back in and closed the door behind him.

"I've asked the imperturbable Senora Recillos to bring us up some food and arrange to have a bath sent up. After all if I am indeed the owner of this fine establishment then surely I should be able to have some demands met. I've also asked if she could have one of our fellow lawmen fetch something from your wagon." No sooner had he finished this statement then a knock was heard. Ezra turned to answer the door to find Chris standing there.

"Ya gonna let me in Ezra?" Ezra motioned him to enter. Vin looked up and caught Chris' eye. You okay? came the silent question.

Never been better, came the equally silent answer.

You work out things between ya?

Yeah. He loves me too. Guess sometimes ya do get what ya ask for.

"Well if you two fine gentlemen are finished having your little mental conversation, then perhaps I might ascertain what has brought you here Mr. Larabee."

"Clothes, Mr. Standish."

"Mr. Standish?"

"Mr. Larabee?"

Vin just chuckled at the sight of the usually unflappable gambler being bothered by use of his surname, something they had all tried to break him of and failed. Maybe Chris was finally going to win.

"Vin's clothes, Ch-chris?"

"Now did that hurt?"

"You have no idea."

Chris laughed and handed over the pile of clothing to Vin. "Inez is bringing up something light and JD and Buck are getting the tub and water. Once you're finished then we should be ready to start the party."

"Party?" asked the gambler with the quirk of one eye.

"Yeah, figured it was time fer both of us to remember what we had to be thankful for. Time fer us to let go of what we've lost. Now if you boys will excuse me, I'm headed for the bath house and clean clothes myself. Mary and Billy are gonna be joinin' us and it wouldn't hurt for her to see that I am capable of being a gentlemen if I choose. Inez and Nettie have been cooking up a storm while you two were up here sleepin'; JD, Casey, Buck and Nathan been decorating the place, it looks nice. Josiah had to do an errand for me, but he should be back anytime." Chris and Vin both looked at the flabbergasted gambler, it was rare to see him get confused once, none the less twice in such a short period of time. "We thought that it would be a good time to celebrate with our family, so dress nice and hurry down," Chris said to the two of them as he headed out the door.

"My god," Ezra said turning to Vin. "Was that our fearless leader? A holiday time and he's not only sober, but smiling. What is this world coming to."

"It's cuz a' you. He's been too busy worryin' 'bout you to feel sorry for himself. Maybe he really does mean it when he said it was time to rejoin the livin'." Vin just smiled and shrugged and answered the next knock on the door. It was Buck and JD with a tub, being followed by Nathan and Casey with buckets of water. Just behind them was Inez with a tray of food.

Once they'd gotten the tub filled they took turns washing and feeding each other the bread. cheese and soup that Inez had brought up. They had no sooner gotten out of the tub when someone came to whisk it away. The two men dressed carefully. Ezra thought that Vin looked so dignified in his clean black pants, snowy white shirt and long dress jacket that he couldn't help but steal a few kisses as he helped with the younger man's tie. Vin thought Ezra looked so holiday minded in his bright red jacket and Christmas tree green vest that he couldn't help but steal a few kisses. Once they'd finally gotten dressed they headed out the door and down the stairs to find an entirely different world awaited them.

There wasn't an inch of the saloon that wasn't decorated, it was truly a holiday wonderland. JD was patiently awaiting them at the foot of the stairs, "Well, what do you think? Did we do an okay job of decorating?"

"I have rarely seen better, not even in the finest homes in New Orleans. This looks... it is beyond words."

"Well Ez, if we shut you up, then it must be good." Buck jovially slapped both of the men on the back.

"You and Mr. Dunne should be indeed proud of yourselves Mr. Wilmington."

Buck smiled at JD, "Well that's a nice thing to hear Mr. Standish. Don't you think so Mr. Dunne?"

JD replied, "Absolutely Mr. Wilmington, don't you agree Miss Well, Miss Recillos?"

Both of the young women nodded before answering, "Absolutely Mr. Dunne, Mr. Wilmington. How are you doing today, Mr. Standish, Mr. Tanner?"

Vin grinned, "Just fine ma'am." He nodded to both of the women.

Ezra was shaking his head and when he lifted it all could see he was laughing. "All right! Do not let it be said that I cannot learn from others. Did you aid M... JD and Buck in this fine decorating job? Casey, Inez?"

"We did," voiced Casey. "Aunt Nettie, Mary and Inez have been cooking all afternoon. Chris shot us a deer and a turkey so we have lots of meat to work with. We're having a real holiday meal with all the fixin's. Lots of pie for dessert too." At this Ezra's head popped up, everyone knew of his fondness for pie. "'Course that's fer after dinner." Ezra frowned at this and all gathered started to laugh.

They had all settled down to hot cocoa and stories, Chris assuring them that Josiah would be there shortly. When they heard the door of the saloon open they all looked up to see Josiah and Maude Standish. She smiled, her eyes bright with tears and just held out her arms. Ezra almost ran into them and they held on tight to each other and cried, tears of healing. No one noticed the telegram slip from her grasp as Ezra pulled her into the warmth of his family. The telegram sent to Maude Standish, from Chris Larabee. Only four words in the body of the message. It's never too late!