The room spun giddily as Ezra tried to stand up. With a groan he sank back into his armchair. He reached down for the whiskey bottle at his feet and peered at it. He shook his head regretfully, and then dropped the bottle to grab hold of his head before it could roll away. Slowly he lowered his hands and winced.

Aspirin would probably be a good idea but he'd never make it to the bathroom. He tried to focus on his sideboard across the room. He knew there was at lest one bottle left. He tensed to stand but a roll of nausea persuaded him any movement was a bad idea. He was stuck in the chair, just like Chris Larabee was stuck in a hospital bed.

Damn, he didn't want to think about that. He'd gone to considerable effort and faced considerable pain tomorrow, precisely in order not to think about that. Not to think about Chri- Mr Larabee's white still face, a splash of blood the only colour. Not to think about Vin's white scared face. V- Mr Tanner was so pale he was almost green. Ezra could feel the whiskey in his stomach move uneasily as he thought about the two men who meant so much to him.

Somewhere under the fear for C- Mr Larabee he was furious, boiling furious with the man. How dare he risk himself like that? Shouting and drawing the attention and bullets of the smugglers. Didn't he know Vin wouldn't survive without him? That Ezra couldn't? Not that Mr Larabee needed to consider the effects of his ill-conceived actions on one Ezra Standish but Vin... How could he do that to Vin?

The image of Vin running towards them replayed through his mind. Ezra had moved to Chris as soon as the shooting stopped. Stripping off his jacket he had pressed it to the bleeding shoulder wound. A loud clatter nearby made him look up. He saw Vin's rifle fall to the floor as Vin jumped the remaining six feet. He ran towards Ezra and Chris white-faced with wide sick eyes. He dropped to his knees, clutching for Chris' hand. Then he'd looked to Ezra.

"H-ow bad?"

The betraying tremble in Vin's voice had sliced at Ezra's composure. He'd wanted nothing more than to wrap Vin in his arms and assure them both that Chris would be fine. He wanted Chris to be fine. Failing that he wanted to scream. Instead he smiled as best he could,

"He should be okay, it's his shoulder and it is not bleeding too badly."

Vin smiled shakily and reached for Ezra with his free hand. Then Nathan was there, pushing Ezra away from Ch- Mr Larabee. They all knew better than to expect Mr Tanner to leave Mr Larabee's side.

Ezra had slowly drifted back, not wanting to be in the way. Unable to stake a claim where he wasn't wanted. Eventually Buck had collected him up and they had driven to the hospital. They found Vin pacing the waiting room. Ezra couldn't make his throat work and JD had asked the vital question,

"How is he, Vin?"

"Should be okay, jist his shoulder."

"Well that's a relief, aint it Ez." Buck had jostled him, trying to jolly some enthusiasm into him. Ezra shrank back to sit in one of the hard plastic chairs. He sat there for the next half an hour; watching Vin pace and worrying about Chris.

Finally, blessedly, the doctor had appeared to tell them that Chris would be fine. Ezra ignored the mess of medical jargon and watched Nathan instead. When the medic smiled and relaxed, Ezra did too. Turning, he realised Vin had been watching Nathan as well and they shared a relieved smile.

Then there was a concerted rush for Chris' room. In the confusion of being allowed in only two at a time, Ezra slipped away. His poker face had dissolved as a tear dripped down his face. He knew he couldn't see Chris without betraying himself; knew he couldn't see Vin's pale face without folding him in his arms. No it would best for everyone if he just left. He had driven straight for his condo and proceeded to get as drunk as he could. As if that would help.

Ezra snorted inelegantly as he tried to restrain the sudden rush of tears. He was beginning to think it would be better for everyone if he just left permanently. He had made a mistake, he had got involved. Mother would be furious. And what was worse he'd known he was making a mistake but had done it anyway.

He had known, right from the beginning, that he was attracted to Chris Larabee and Vin Tanner. He'd attributed to gratitude to begin with. The two men had swept down like avenging angels and bore him away from Atlanta. And then Chris had given him a second chance. Chris had given him, screw-up Standish, a second chance. Nobody had ever granted him a second chance before.

He had still been reeling from that when Vin had offered him friendship. Surprised and wary he slowly accepted the overtures and discovered he had six friends and a place in the world. He knew then there wasn't anything he wouldn't do Chris and Vin. He'd go to the gates of hell for them, he'd crawl over hot coals for them, he loved them.

He never expected anything to come from it, he wasn't that stupid. And somehow it had been enough just to be there with them, to watch their backs, to be trusted to watch their backs. He'd known, almost before they did when their relationship changed. He'd watched cautiously and unobtrusively their careful courtship. Their growing joy had filled him with reflected happiness. Never having expected anything, it had been enough to know that love, real true love, existed. Seeing Vin's eyes light up when they fell on Chris, or the way the tension left Chris when Vin rested a hand on his shoulder, had been enough for him.

It wasn't enough anymore. He had thought he could cope but it was growing harder and harder to maintain control of his wayward emotions. It had all changed four months ago. He had been at Chris' ranch recuperating from broken ribs and bruises. He was mostly healed and wanted to go home but Chris wanted him where he could keep an eye on him, so he had stayed.

Vin had shown up for dinner. Ezra had known he should retreat to his room to give the pair some privacy but hadn't been able to tear himself away from the laughter and companionship. He had moved, reluctantly, into the sitting room.

"Mr Larabee, I will leave you to the washing up."

"Now Ezra..."

"You informed me I was here to avoid over-exerting myself. Washing- up is positively deleterious to my health."

"You know somehow, Ez, that doesn't surprise me." Vin had rolled his eyes.

Ezra moved into the lounge and turned on the television to avoid listening to their quiet -voiced conversation. He was feeling pleasantly sleepy when the two men entered the room. Ezra had purposely taken the smaller sofa and was therefore surprised when Chris and Vin dropped in place either side of him.

"Huh..."

"Can't have you putting strain on them ribs." Chris said as he ruthlessly shifted Ezra until he was leaning against him.

"My ribs are fine." But Ezra's protest faded as he realised how comfortable he was.

"In that case," said Vin and wriggled back until he was leaning against Ezra. Ezra's arm had fallen hesitantly but naturally around Vin's lean form. From behind he felt Chris' arms snake around his own waist. Ezra's mind was screaming at him that something was wrong but couldn't break through the waves of contented warmth to do anything about it. He felt so safe and protected like this. Sleepily he nuzzled Vin's hair.

Vin purred and rubbed against him. Ezra tightened his grip one hand sneaking under Vin's t-shirt to smooth small circles across his warm back. Drifting happily in his supposed daydream Ezra pressed soft kisses along Vin's jaw before running his tongue from chin to ear. Rough stubble stabbed at him and the small pain made him blink.

The vision before him didn't vanish, so he blinked again. His eyes widened as he realised this was real. His mind wrenched back control of his body as fear drenched him. Gasping, he struggled to untangle himself from the two bodies. Pulling back from Vin as if the man had burned him, all he accomplished was to force himself up against Chris Larabee. Turning his head, his terrified eyes fixed on his boss.

"Sorry," he whispered, the words sticking in his dry throat, "I'm sorry." He couldn't understand why Chris hadn't killed him yet. His boss didn't even look mad, the stern glare he was accustomed to had been replaced by warm affection. Then Chris leant forward and pressed his lips to Ezra's. His eyes rolled closed as the soft pressure increased, demanding a response. A warm, agile tongue took advantage as he opened his mouth to question this amazing turn of events. Gentle hands stroked across his stomach and up his chest. A body pressed close and a mouth began to suck at his neck.

The need for oxygen forced him to pull his head back and pant for breath. His five dollar words had deserted him long ago, it was all he could to open his eyes and stare at his two friends in disbelief.

Chris was sitting back slightly and smiling tenderly at him. One hand rested gently against Ezra's throat and a thumb traced the delicate skin beneath his ear. Vin was curled against his side. His hands stroked the skin just above Ezra's belt and his blue eyes glowed with mischief.

Ezra started to stutter, "W-what... I mean... M-m-mister... Why are...?" Vin just grinned harder and even Chris was starting to look amused. Ezra tried to squirm away but there was nowhere to go. "I don't understand!" he wailed.

"Aww Ez," said Vin softly. "This aint a trick. You don't want it you just say so."

Ezra instinctively grabbed at Vin. His mind might have its doubts but his body knew exactly what it wanted. Vin's hands had never stopped moving and now they slid below his belt. Desire, sweet and hot, rushed through Ezra washing away any vestiges of common sense.

Growling low in his throat he yanked at Vin's wrists forcing the teasing man flat against his chest. Vin hissed and rubbed against him before allowing Ezra to capture his mouth. Ezra sank his tongue deep and moaned softly when Vin began to suck.

He whimpered when Vin pulled back. Ezra tried to follow him Chris' arms locked around him pulling him hard against his chest. Teeth latched onto his neck, sucking pressure. Ezra's back arched at the sucking pressure and he ground back against Chris.

Vin stripped off his t-shirt shaking his head as he tugged away the confining cloth. Ezra stared at the firm torso revealed to his avid gaze and his breath caught as Vin shook his golden hair loose.

He turned his head to see Chris was just as enthralled as he was. Then, as if aware of his attention, Chris looked down at him. His face seemed almost young, lines of weary sorrow were erased, and he seemed light up from the inside. Ezra's heart twisted painfully. He kissed Chris quickly and then turned back.

Vin leaned over him to kiss Chris. Ezra thought they also exchanged one of their speaking glances. Then the sparkling blue eyes were grinning at him again. Vin set to work on Ezra's shirt buttons stopping to stroke and kiss each newly revealed inch of skin. Chris' hands had snaked around Ezra's hips and undone his belt, releasing the zipper of his pants to slide inside and caress his hot flesh.

Ezra writhed between his two tormenters. His hands clutched at Chris thighs, using them as an anchor against his increasing need. Working in tandem Chris and Vin conspired to drive Ezra higher and higher. Vin had reached his navel and stopped there to lick the skin and blow cool air across his quivering flesh. Chris tightened one hand around his hardening cock while the other slid back to deliver the lightest most tantalising of touches to his balls.

The wet torment of Vin's mouth began to move back up his chest before stopping abruptly. Ezra groaned in disbelief. With some effort he regained enough control to look and see what the problem was. He looked straight into bright blue eyes. Vin winked naughtily at him.

Vin bit at one hard nipple while pinching the other between his fingers. At the same moment Chris pressed a thumb to the sensitive spot just behind Ezra's balls while dragging a clenched hand over his cock.

Ezra exploded into Chris' hand, his head falling back as he gasped out his release. The bolt of pleasure was so intense the world greyed out for some moments.

When he came back he was still nestled snugly between the two men he loved. Vin had pressed closer and held Ezra's head between two gentle hands as he spread kisses across his face.

"Damn Ez, yer beautiful," Vin muttered.

Ezra smiled dreamily, Vin was the beautiful one. He opened his mouth to say so but Vin kissed him. As his tongue tangled with Vin's, Ezra wriggled back against Chris. He shivered at the hardness pressing against him.

He pulled free of Vin and turned to grin at his boss.

"Can I help you with anything Mr Larabee?"

"Chris, Ezra, my name is Chris, it's honestly not that hard."

"Well?" asked Ezra again, trying to side-step the issue. He ran one hand down Chris' chest to settle on the bulge in his pants.

"Only if you want to Ez."

Ezra blinked, did that mean Chris wanted him, or not? He wished Mr Larabee had been a little plainer about his desires. He turned to Vin, hoping for a clue.

"Do ya want us?" asked Vin. Ezra bit his lip, unsure how to answer that without giving away just that he did indeed want these men, badly. As he watched, the teasing light in Vin's eyes died and he began to withdraw. Ignoring the pleas of his more rational self Ezra lunged after him, locking his mouth to Vin's and his arms around Vin's waist.

They slid inelegantly from couch to floor, landing with a thump and twin gushes of breath. Ezra had landed on top and wriggled until Vin's legs parted. Kneeling between the lean thighs he smiled at Vin, then leant forwards to swirl his tongue round Vin's navel before biting gently.

Vin's hips bucked and his hands began to scrabble for the opening of his pants. Ezra moved so Vin could see his grin and then clucked his tongue in disapproval. He pushed Vin's hands up by his head.

"All mine," he growled. A frantic sound came from the back of Vin's throat but he nodded. Ezra slid back down and kissed his way south as his hands worked on Vin's pants.

Finally free Vin's hard cock popped upright. Grinning Ezra licked from base to tip, loving the involuntary jerk of Vin's hips. He moved his hands to grip those hips firmly and took the head in his mouth.

Gasps came in stereo from the squirming Vin and from behind. Turning head he saw Chris was watching them with glazed eyes, his fingers still covered with Ezra's cum. The hazel eyes refocused on his face and Ezra wondered that he didn't catch fire under the intensity of that gaze.

"Help you with anything, Ez?"

"Chr-is," he whined, wiggling his hips. Chris dropped to his knees on the floor. Ezra groaned with satisfaction as he felt strong hands grab his butt. He turned his attention back to Vin and began laving the straining cock with his tongue. He couldn't hold back his gasp as two slick fingers pushed inside and began to stretch him.

Looking up he could see Vin was watching them eagerly. As the fingers left his behind he caught his friends eye and grinned. Settling his lips around the very tip of Vin's cock he sucked gently as he waited for Chris to get ready. The Chris slowly inched inside him, Ezra slowly took more of Vin's cock into his mouth, relaxing his throat until his nose rested against Vin's groin.

With Chris fully seated inside him he swallowed hard as he waited for the man to move. Vin shrieked at the sudden extra pressure and twisted in his hands, begging for movement. Behind them Chris chuckled and, achingly slowly, began to pull back. Ezra copied the movement. Vin muttered,

"Please, oh, please." Which Ezra could sympathise with. Unable to speak he concentrated on fluttering his tongue along the underside of Vin's cock. Vin shrieked again. Ezra chuckled around his mouthful, he would never have guessed Mr Tanner was a screamer.

Chris was moving faster now and the strokes were coming harder. Ezra released Vin and allowed him to fuck his mouth. Pleasure rippled through him as Vin and Chris worked him in unison. Ezra shuddered at the electricity that shot through him as Chris started to slam into his prostate. He was hard again and the tension ratcheted tighter and tighter as they ground into him.

Keeping on hand for balance, he slid the other forwards and used one finger to trace Vin's opening. Then he plunged a finger into Vin at the same moment he tightened his throat.

Vin howled like a banshee and came hard.

Ezra continued to suck until he was spent. Then he released Vin and pushed back hard against Chris. Chris hissed and increased the speed of his thrusts, hitting Ezra's prostate with each stroke. Ezra closed his eyes and gasped painfully for breath. He was strung so tight he could barely stand it. And finally Chris took pity on him, rubbing his cock and driving him into blissful completion.

When they had all recovered themselves Vin and Chris had borne him upstairs to their bed. That night he had spent resting safely in their arms meant as much to Ezra as the sex. He had never felt so cherished. If he hadn't been in love with them before that would have done it.

>From that day on he lived solely for their invitations to the ranch with the unspoken invitation to bed. And he had to face the fact the invitations had been tapering off this last month. He had to accept that their interest had waned, as he knew it would. He found heaven and now he had to pay the price. He hoped it wasn't more than he could afford but Chris and Vin were worth any price.

He blinked back the tears he could feel gathering. He shouldn't have replayed their first night together. It made their absence more tangible. He had to stop feeling sorry for himself. Mr Larabee was injured, albeit not badly and Mr Tanner was distraught. He should be there as a friend, offering support; not weeping over what he had no business wanting.

Ezra straightened his shoulders and pulled himself together. He was not going to continue crying for the moon. He decided on an achievable goal. If he crawled he could probably get across the room, find another bottle of whiskey and unconsciousness.