Warnings for the next few sections: There will be some fast-forwarding here. I don't have the medical knowledge, the time, the patience or the inclination to do a blow by blow accounting of Vin's recovery, Chris' rehab or Mary's pregnancy. I'm concentrating on the events significant to Vin and Ezra's relationship.

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Fields of Need: Building the Blind
By Starwinder
Part 4 (encompassing emailed parts 13-14)
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Nettie looked up when JD, Casey and Buck returned to the exam room. "They're gonna move him to a room in a few minutes," she informed them.

Buck nodded and, sighing wearily, sat down in the chair beside the examining table.

Nettie turned to JD and Casey. "Who's with Mary?"

"Mrs. Potter came by." Casey said, "She said she'd stay the night. I don't know who's going to be there tomorrow."

Nettie nodded. "JD, can you take Casey home? I want to check on Mary."

JD looked uncertain.

Buck spoke up, reaching in his pocket for the keys to his truck. "You can take the truck. I'll stay here tonight. Don't want him waking up alone. Call Inez for me, will you? Tell her I'll see her tomorrow."

"Sure, Buck." JD took the keys, then gave Buck a brief hug. "You going be all right?"

Buck nodded. "I'm used to this, Kid. At least here, if he wakes up violent and ranting, they can sedate or restrain him."

JD stepped back, regarding his best friend with a slight shake of his head. Buck looked worn out. For the first time, he began to realize just what being Chris Larabee's oldest friend entailed.

"I'll be back in the morning," he promised. As disgusted as he was with his boss at the moment, he'd do whatever he could to make things easier for Buck. He knew that there was no way that Buck would abandon Chris. He was just plain too loyal.

JD, Casey and Nettie left.

***************************

It was nearly midnight when Nettie pulled into the yard at Chris' ranch, but there was still a light on in the kitchen. She parked and climbed the back steps to let herself in the back door, knocking briefly to announce her arrival.

Gloria Potter looked up from where she sat at the kitchen table when the door opened. "Hello, Nettie."

"Gloria," Nettie responded then nodded her head towards the room where Mary was ensconced. "How is she?"

Gloria shook her head, "Napping. She doesn't sleep much really. Too bored with not being able to do anything, I think."

"Gloria!" Mary called from the other room, "Who's there?"

Nettie crossed to the doorway. "Just me, Mary." She walked on into the room as Mary struggled to sit up. "Here, let me help you."

She helped the other woman sit up and turned on the bedside lamp for her.

"Thank goodness, you're here, Nettie. Maybe now I can get some straight answers. Where is Chris and why won't anyone tell me anything?"

"He's in the hospital. Drunk as a skunk. Got a broke nose and some bruises. Reckon they figured you didn't need to be getting upset."

"I'm more upset not knowing what has happened to my husband." Mary snapped. "Tell me how he got a broken nose."

"Ezra punched him."

"Ezra? Ezra punched him?" Mary asked in disbelief.

"Yep." Nettie sounded very satisfied about it.

Mary raised a brow at her.

"He had it coming." Nettie declared. "About time somebody quit taking his crap and nailed him one."

Mary chuckled suddenly. "I have to admit there have been times when I'd have liked to punch him one."

"Reckon every wife feels that way from time to time." Nettie regarded her seriously for a moment then asked. "Do you love him?"

"What? Of course I do!"

"Better be sure about that. It's going to be a rough row to hoe for a while at least. Nathan and Josiah are going to try and get him to check himself into the Substance Abuse Center."

"Is that necessary?"

"Mary, he assaulted Ezra. Attempted to *sexually* assault him." She stopped, letting Mary absorb that.

"Oh, Lord!" Mary breathed. As hard as it was for her to accept, she knew that Nettie wouldn't lie to her. Nettie was the one person who would tell her the truth and not pull any punches. Still, she had to be certain. "Are you sure?"

Nettie nodded. "Josiah was there. Pulled Chris off him. They're planning to keep it quiet, though. Ezra refused to press charges, but I don't know what will happen if Chris refuses rehab."

Mary nodded her face serious. Her mind was racing. If it came out that Chris had attempted to sexually assault one of his men, or rather a former member of his team since Ezra had resigned, it would destroy his career. Hell, it could destroy her career as well. Now she understood why Nettie had asked her, if she loved him. She would have to decide if she loved him enough to stand by him through the scandal that would erupt if it became public knowledge.

She sighed, one hand going unconsciously to rub her swollen belly. She loved him. Had loved him almost from the first moment she had seen him. She loved him enough to risk a pregnancy at her age, even if she had gotten more than she bargained for. She closed her eyes, then opened them to look at Nettie. "For better or worse," she said quietly.

"Don't reckon it'll get much worse than this." Nettie said.

Mary nodded. "If Chris goes into rehab, I'm going to need someone to stay with me. It'd be easier for everyone if I moved back to my house in town, but I don't want it to look like I'm abandoning Chris, because I'm not."

"We can work something out, if you want to stay here." Nettie blinked, "Oh! In all that's going on, I forgot to tell you the good news! Vin's awake."

"Oh! Thank God! Is he going to be all right? I mean...." She trailed off not wanting to ask if he was all right mentally.

"Yes. Seems fine. Don't remember what happened but the doc says that's not unusual with a head injury. He's weaker than a kitten. Pissed off about that."

Mary smiled. She could well imagine how upset the independent man was at not being able to do what he wanted. She knew how he felt about that. She sighed. Three and a half months to go before she could be up and around.

They talked a while longer, agreeing to call Casey, Inez and Raine the next morning to set up a schedule for the five of them to stay with Mary. Since Vin was awake he wouldn't need Nettie and Gloria to set with him although they would both stop by and see him right on until he was released.

***************************

Chris Larabee came awake slowly. His head felt like it was going to fall off, if he moved it, and his mouth tasted like shit. He groaned. Hangover hell. He knew it well. Had been awhile, though.

Finally forcing his eyes open he groaned again at the sight that greeted him. He was in the hospital. It must have been a bad one. He hurt all over. Damn! He couldn't breath through his nose. He reached up groggily and touched it. Taped. Broke. Damn!

Finally his eyes settled on his oldest friend, waiting patiently for him to get the world into focus. "What time is it?" He moaned.

"Might do better to ask what day is it." Buck informed him as he held the cup of ice water and directed the straw into Chris' mouth. "Just sips. You ain't been keeping it down."

Chris sipped slowly taking just enough to wet his mouth good. Then asked, "Okay. What day is it?"

"You've been here three days." Buck informed him.

Chris blinked and silently thanked Buck for the fact that the room was dimly lit, knowing that his friend would have been the one to see to it that the blinds were closed and only a small light was on.

"What happened?"

"Aside from you getting drunk out of your mind, you mean?"

"Who broke my nose."

"Ezra... and you had it coming. You're lucky you're not in jail. Josiah wanted to call DPD. Ezra refused to let him. You owe that man for that."

"Don't owe that man for anything after what he did to Vin!"

"Ezra didn't *do* a damned thing to Vin! By the way, Vin's awake. He ain't none too happy with the way you've been treating Ezra. If he finds out what you tried to do while you were on this bender, I don't know as how he'll ever forgive you."

Chris froze. Vin was his best friend, there wasn't anything that he wouldn't forgive Chris... at least he didn't think there was. After a long moment of silence he asked, "Just exactly what am I supposed to have done?"

Buck stood, turning his back to Chris unable to face him as he told him, "You went to Ezra's, blind drunk. He had just got out of the shower, didn't have on anything but his bathrobe and boxers. You had him face down on the floor, his bathrobe up and his boxers half down. You were tying his hands behind his back with the belt from the robe when Josiah pulled you off him." He turned to face Chris. "Legally that constitutes sexual assault. Attempted rape."

Chris' face went white. "I... I couldn't have..." it was little more than a whisper.

"You did." Buck's voice was hard and implacable.

***************************

Vin Tanner sighed as he lay in the hospital bed. He'd just gotten back from physical therapy and ached all over from having muscles that hadn't been used in over two months put through the range of motion exercises. He hated how weak he still was. He watched as his lover paced back and forth between his bed and the spare one that Ezra had been sleeping on.

"Settle already, would ya?" He demanded irritably.

Ezra gave him an apologetic look and came to sit in the chair beside the bed, reaching up to take his hand. "Sorry, Love," he murmured.

"What you been up to while I've been sleeping? Josiah said something about you getting the house ready to move into?"

Ezra eagerly launched into a long and detailed description of what had been done to the house since Vin had been injured, ending with, "We should be able to move in when you are released next week."

"That's good," Vin said, then added, "Now tell me what you all have been dancing around ever since I woke up."

"Excuse me?" Ezra turned innocent eyes on him.

"Don't give me that, Ez. There's more to this," he carefully took Ezra's right hand in its cast in his, "than just you and Chris tussling. I want to know what he did to you. I already know it's bad or you wouldn't be trying to hide it from me."

Ezra's eyes dropped. "Vin... I..."

"Ez, please, just tell me. Can't be worse than what I'm imagining. Not knowing's the worst thing."

"Vin, please. It will only upset you and as he did not achieve his goal, I hardly thi--"

"Didn't achieve his goal? Shit Ez! He tried to rape you, didn't he? That son of a bitch!" Vin surged up on the bed, trying to get up.

"Vin! Stop! You aren't strong enough yet to get up! You'll hurt yourself!" Ezra cried out in alarm, catching his lover and trying to push him back on the bed. "Please!"

"I'll kill the bastard!" Vin snarled pushing against Ezra. He hit the cast on Ezra's hand.

Ezra cried out, "Ow!"

Instantly Vin slumped back, "Oh, God! Ez, I didn't mean to hurt you, Babe."

"I know," Ezra quickly reassured him, "it's all right. You just jostled it a bit."

Vin reached out to caress Ezra's face. "Ain't all right. I never want to hurt you, not even a little. I love you, Ezra."

Ezra smiled, reaching up to capture the hand with his left one, turning his head to kiss the palm. "And I love you, Vin," he avowed softly.

Vin grinned up at him, pulling their joined hands down to kiss Ezra's palm in a reciprocating gesture. "You'n me against the world, Babe...."

Ezra grinned, "Together, forever...."

"Through thick and thin...."

Ezra chuckled as he said the last, "and sick and sin."

They smiled fondly at each other for a long moment, then Vin said quietly, "If I promise not to get upset, or make a fuss, will you, please, tell me exactly what happened?"

Ezra sighed and closed his eyes for a moment then he opened them and nodded. "Yes."

Vin listened in silence as Ezra told him exactly what had occurred that night. The only sign of Vin's anger was the tightening of his grip on the hand that he held.

When Ezra finished he swore softly, "Shit! I'd like to strangle the bastard!"

"That bastard is your best friend." Ezra reminded him quietly.

"Not any more!" Vin snarled.

"Oh, Vin! That is precisely why I didn't want to tell you. I know how close you two have been, what his friendship had meant to you and I hate thinking that I'm the cause of your losing that friendship. I already feel as if I have broken up the team... now, to know that I've destroyed your friendship with Chris... I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for! You didn't do anything!" Vin told him. "This is not your fault. Chris done this all on his own."

"Still, I can't help feeling that, if I had done things differently..." he shook his head. "I should never have let the others talk me into barring him from seeing you, that is when he turned truly nasty."

"No. I wouldn't've wanted you to let him keep tearing at you with words the way Josiah said he was. Ez, you got to know, you are the most important person in my life, now. Not Chris, not Nettie, not the rest of the team, you. I'd done figured that out before I got hurt. I was planning on taking you off for the weekend after the bust, was going to have us sort of a honeymoon. Was going to tell you that I still loved Chris but I didn't desire him, anymore. That I reckoned what I felt for him was more like how brothers love each other. But you, you make me burn with need to make love to you. You make me ache with just wanting to hold you. I can't imagine waking up in the morning without you beside me or living to a ripe old age without you there to share those years with me. I love you, Ez, only you."

"As I love you... but we both still need other friends in our lives, Vin. You will always regret it, if you let this separate you and Chris. He was drunk. You know how he can be when he's drinking. I doubt that he even remembers what happened and he truly did nothing that he hasn't done before. He knocked me about a bit, bruised me some." He held up his hand in its cast, "This I did myself and I dare say that he has some bruises of his own this time."

Vin sighed, "All right. I'll try and forgive him. Try and salvage our friendship, but only because you asked me to... and he's got to get help for his drinking... and if he ever raises a hand to you again, that's it, he's dead. I ain't giving him no 'nother chance. You understand?"

Ezra nodded. He had barely dared to hope that Vin would give Chris another chance, but he knew that if he had let this destroy Vin's friendship with Chris, then sooner or later it would have come back to haunt them. Sooner or later, Vin would have blamed him for the loss of the best friend he had ever had.

***************************

Several hours later, Ezra stood outside the door to Chris' room He stood several minutes before pushing it open and going in. He nodded to Buck, and jerked his head towards the door, indicating that he wanted the other man to leave.

Buck started to protest and he shook his head, "There is nothing to worry about, Mister Wilmington. Mister Larabee is in no danger from me."

Buck hesitated a moment longer, then gave a curt nod of his head and left.

Chris' eyes had popped open at the sound of that soft honeyed drawl that he knew all too well. He stared in disbelief as Buck rose from his chair and just left, without a word to him, left him alone with a man who had every reason to hate him.

Chris watched Ezra like a cat watches a snake as the southerner slowly walked over to stand beside the bed where Chris lay.

Ezra's right hand in its cast was held bent, resting against his waist, as if in a sling, but not. For a moment Ezra just stared down at him, that damnable poker face in place.

Chris swallowed hard and turned his face away. "How can you stand to look at me?" he asked, his voice tight with shame.

Ezra's face softened, became almost affectionate. He reached out with the uninjured left hand and brushed strands of blonde hair back off Chris' forehead. The fingers trailed down his cheek, turning Chris' face back towards him, the touch as light as a lover's caress.

"You were my hero, you know." The soft voice was sad. "A knight in black denim, swooping down to rescue me from the living hell that Atlanta had become."

The gentle fingers brushed across his lips. Chris closed his eyes, feeling a shudder go through him. The touch was so sweet, so intimate. He forced his eyes back open, made himself look up at Ezra.

Ezra smiled an infinitely sad smile. "I worshiped the ground you walked on. I would have followed you anywhere, done anything for you... but you barely noticed, passed it off as gratitude I suppose." He paused, the sadness in his eyes deepening. "And perhaps it was. I don't know when my feelings changed, when I ceased to dream of passionate nights in your arms, but there came a time when, while I still loved you, will no doubt always love you, I no longer wanted you."

He paused, the hand moving away from Chris' face to grip the railing on the side of the bed. "Vin and I... in the beginning it was just two friends consoling each other because the man they both desired remained blissfully unaware of that desire. In time, that changed, as my feelings for you faded, my feelings for him grew. He is everything to me, now. I do not believe that I can live without him." The last was barely audible.

Ezra took a deep breath and went on. "I would do anything to see him happy. Anything. You are his best friend and my friend as well. I do not wish either of us to lose that friendship."

"I don't want to lose that either, but I don't see how we can get back to being friends. If I did what Buck says, Vin's gonna kill me."

Ezra's smile widened, "Oh, he did want to, never doubt that."

"But...."

"You are the best friend he has ever had, maybe the first real friend that he has ever had, losing that would hurt him terribly. Sooner or later he would come to blame me for coming between you. Oh, I'm sure he doesn't think that he will but I know how these things go." For a moment, there was old pain reflected in his eyes.

Then he sighed and went on. "He's angry with you now, but that will fade. He will begin to miss you, miss the kinship you share. In time he will look at me and all he will see is the reason he lost his best friend. He will begin to resent me and our relationship will crumble. I will do whatever is necessary to prevent that. I am willing to forget and forgive... on one condition."

"Tell me what I have to do, Ez." Chris' voice was quiet and defeated. He and Buck had had a long talk. Until Ezra had stepped through that door he had thought that he had lost Vin's friendship forever. He hadn't even been able to conceive of Ezra ever forgiving him.

"Get help. Go to the Substance Abuse Clinic, AA, therapy, whatever you prefer, but get help. You're an alcoholic, whether you think so or not, and you need help. You have to deal with why you drink before you can stop and you have to stop drinking if we are ever again to be friends. Because if you don't, you'll just do something like the other night again and Vin has already said that should you ever so much as raise a hand to me again he will kill you."

Chris swallowed hard. He had been told dozens of times in the years since he lost Sarah and Adam that he needed to get help with his drinking but he had always resisted, believing that he could control it, could control himself. But if he had done what they said that he had, then he was definitely not in control. He stared at Ezra for a long moment, taking in the bruised forehead and cheek and the broken hand in its cast.

He had done this, at least according to Buck, Josiah, Nathan and JD, all men he counted as friends and trusted. Vin believed he had done this. That in the end was the deciding factor. Vin was his closest friend, if the only way he could get that friendship back was to get help, then he would get help.

After a long moment he asked, hesitantly, remembering that Ezra had had him barred from Vin's room, "Can I see Vin? Talk to him a few minutes...."

Ezra closed his eyes then opened them again, "Very well.... However I can not guarantee your welcome."

Chris nodded, "I understand that."

"I'll have Mister Wilmington get a wheelchair and bring you up. I shall need to inform Vin that you are coming. I do not believe it would be a good idea for you to simply appear." He turned and left to get Buck.

***************************

Vin was sitting up in the bed, his arms crossed across his chest, a hostile expression on his face, when Buck pushed Chris' chair into the room.

"Vin," Chris said, feeling awkward.

The barest of nods was his answer. Vin wasn't going to make this easy.

After a moment Chris said, "Look I don't remember anything about--"

Vin cut him off, "Reckon you was too drunk to remember, but let's get something straight right now, Larabee."

Chris winced at the hardness in the voice.

"Ezra don't lie. Ain't never lied to me, won't never lie to me. You done what you done. Hell, he tried his best *not* to tell me, didn't want me setting out to kill you and I got to tell you that I was sorely tempted. I know you're a real bastard when you're drinking... that I understand. Reckon I can even forgive you for that, but Josiah told me how you treated Ezra when I got hurt and there weren't no excuse for that at all. What the hell were you thinking?" Blue eyes blazed at him.

Chris sat for a moment, his mouth open. He hadn't expected Vin to light into him about his reaction when he was first hurt. "I... I thought you were going to die and it was..." he stopped realizing that Vin might not take too well to his saying that it was Ezra's fault, then went on, "I mean you were hurt saving him...."

"That was *my* choice, Cowboy!" Vin snarled. "I chose to try and keep him from getting hurt 'cause I love him. Reckon I love him as much as you loved Sarah. How many times have you told me that you wish you could have traded places with her and Adam? I got that chance, to trade places with the one I love, to be hurt in his stead, and I took it. Ezra didn't have any say in that at all. Was me, nobody else. You want to be mad at somebody for my getting hurt, you be mad at me 'cause it was entirely my choice. Understood?"

Chris bowed his head then nodded. "Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry, Vin---"

"Don't be apologizing to me! Ain't me you owe an apology. You apologize to Ezra!"

Chris shook his head, a smile suddenly blossoming, "God! You're a hard son of a bitch, Tanner." But he turned to look up at Ezra. "Ez, I don't know how I can ever make things right with you, but I am sorry... for everything."

Ezra smiled slightly, "I know... and all you have to do is what we discussed."

Chris nodded, then turned back to Vin, "Soon as they let me out of here, I'm checking into the Substance Abuse Clinic." He paused, then went on, "I guess I had better try and have a talk with Mary. Explain as best I can, let her know that I'm going to be there a while. She'll need someone to stay with her...."

"I believe that the ladies will take care of her, Mister Larabee." Ezra said quietly. "They have been staying with her the past few days and already have a schedule worked out."

Chris nodded, "Good... good... thank them for me when you get the chance, will you?"

"Of course... I see them almost everyday. They are still helping out at the house."

Chris nodded. He bowed his head a moment then looked back up at Ezra. "Thank you, Ezra. I know I don't deserve a second chance--"

Ezra cocked his head at him, an enigmatic smile crossing his face, "Did I?"

Chris blinked, "Did you what?"

"Deserve a second chance? When I ran out on you during that first case, did I deserve to be given a second chance?"

Chris swallowed hard then nodded, "Yes. Yes you did... and you've proven yourself a dozen times since then. You're the best undercover operative I've ever known and I'm glad that I gave you the chance to prove it. And you're a better friend than I deserve."

"You are the only boss I have ever had that thought I deserved a second chance, let alone gave me one. Can I do any less than return the favor?"

"Thank you... and I hope I do as well with my second chance as you did with yours."

"We all hope that. None of us wants to lose what we have had in Team Seven. None of us."

Chris nodded then looked up at Buck, "Take me back to my room, please. Then find out what needs to be done to get me into the Substance Abuse Clinic."

"Sure thing, Old dog." Buck grinned using the old affectionate nickname.

When they were gone, Ezra came to sit on the edge of Vin's bed.

"Do you think it will do him any good?" Vin asked.

"Perhaps, at least he is going to try and get help this time," Ezra replied, "and he knows what is at stake here. He values your friendship highly and wants it back."

"What do you want , Ez?" Vin asked gently, pulling Ezra down to lie beside him.

"I want my family back. All of it, complete and intact. I love you, Vin. You are, as you said of me, the most important person in my life but the rest of the seven are my family, our family, and I want that family to be whole again."

"Then we'll just have to see to it that you get what you want." Vin said softly, pressing a kiss to Ezra's forehead.

***************************

The next day, Chris Larabee sat in the passenger seat of Buck's truck and stared out the window. What was he going to tell Mary? What could he tell her? How could he expect her to understand what had happened when he didn't understand it himself? He was going to have to think of something to say and soon. They were turning into the driveway up to the ranch house. In a few minutes, he would have to face his wife and tell her that he had assaulted one of his own men while drunk. Then he would have to tell her that he was checking himself into the Substance Abuse Clinic, that he wouldn't be there for her for at least six to eight weeks maybe longer if the doctors didn't think he was ready to leave the clinic that quickly.

Buck pulled up beside Nettie Wells' small compact car and parked. Chris sat staring out the window at the house, afraid to get out and go in. Afraid that if he did it would be to discover that his world was destroyed, that Mary no longer wanted anything to do with him.

Buck came around and opened the door, "Come on, Chris. You got it to do. Just do it and get it over with."

"God, Buck! What do I say to her? What do I tell her?"

"Tell her the truth. It's all you *can* do. She's already heard all about it."

"I'm scared." It was little more than a whisper. He'd never admitted to being afraid before but now he had to.

"That's all right. You ought to be... and being afraid ain't nothing to be ashamed of. You could have lost everything... still could. You got a right to be scared. Are you ready for this, now?"

Chris shook his head and sighed. "No, but then I don't think I'll ever be ready, so I might as well get it done."

He climbed out of the truck and headed for the back door leading into the kitchen.

Nettie Wells was working at the counter when he opened the door and hesitantly stepped through into his kitchen. She turned to look at him giving him the briefest of nods in acknowledgment of his arrival.

"Mary's waiting for you. You know where she is." She said sharply. She didn't admonish him not to upset his wife, she figured that considering what they had to discuss Mary's getting upset was a given.

He nodded and crossed the room to move into the back den that they had converted into a bedroom for Mary. He stopped in the doorway.

"Mary?" he said, then waited for her to invite him to come the rest of the way in. He felt like a stranger in his own house.

"Chris." She was sitting up in the bed. The doctor wouldn't approve. She was supposed to stay as level in the bed as possible but there was no way she was having this discussion lying flat on her back.

She gestured towards a chair that had been positioned beside the bed so that they could face each other as they talked. Chris crossed the room and sat down, his head bowed and shamefaced.

After an awkward silence he asked, "How are you doing?"

"As well as can be expected, according to the doctor."

"Good."

Silence fell again. Finally he jumped to his feet and began to pace. "Mary," he said, then sighed heavily. "God! This is so hard!" He turned back to face her then said, "I'm checking myself into the Substance Abuse Clinic." He glanced at his watch. "I'm supposed to be there in a couple of hours."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why are you going to the Clinic?"

"Dammit, Mary! You know why!" He snapped. "I reckon they've had a field day telling you all about it."

"Don't you think that I deserve to hear it from you? I am your wife after all."

He bowed his head. "I don't remember doing what they said I did. I sure as hell don't know why I did it. I've never--" he broke off.

"Go on." Mary's voice was implacable.

"I've never thought about a man like *that*. Never wanted one. I can't believe I could have done what they say, but they all agree that I did it." He hesitated. "And I do have flashes of fighting with Ezra that night, but not that. I don't remember anything about that."

Mary stared at him. It was obvious to her that he did, in fact, remember but was just in denial. He had an image of himself and trying to do that to one of his men didn't fit with that image, so he was refusing to accept that he remembered doing it.

"Do you think that the Clinic will actually do any good?" She asked.

He rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm an alcoholic. I've accepted that and I'm ready to get help. So, yes, I think the Clinic will help." He hesitated a long moment then asked. "Will... will you be here when I get out?"

"Yes."

He turned to look at her. "Are you sure that you can forgive me?"

"I love you, Chris and I'll have time to work things out while you are away. I can't say that I'm not angry or disappointed but we made a commitment when we got married and I'm still willing to try and make our marriage work. However I think we need to see a marriage counselor after you come home from the Clinic. I'm planning to talk to a therapist while you're away to help me deal with all this."

He nodded. Running his hand through his hair again, he said, "I can't believe this is happening."

"I don't want to believe it either, but it's happened and we have to deal with it."

Chris looked down at his feet, "You're handling this well... better than I am."

Mary glared at him, her mouth pulling into a tight flat line. "No. I'm not... but I can't let myself get do what I'd like to do. I'd love to yell and scream and throw things, but the doctor warned me against getting too upset. She said that doing so could cause me to lose the babies. She was concerned enough to give me a mild sedative to take before you came."

"Shit! You told her about this?"

"She's my doctor! She saw that I was distraught and needed to know why. It's completely confidential. She promised it wouldn't appear in writing anywhere." Her voice rose and she was becoming agitated.

Chris hurried to her side, falling to his knees beside the bed, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. She's right. You can't get upset." He took her hand and buried his face in the mattress beside her.

Mary took a couple of calming breaths then slowly pulled her hand loose. When he raised his head to look at her, despair in his eyes, she reached up to touch his face. "Oh, Chris, I just don't understand how you could have done this...."

"I can't explain it, Mary. I just don't know why... how it happened. I just know that I'm sorry. I've hurt everybody that I care about. I've got a lot of fences to mend and I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I know that the first step is admitting that *I* have a problem, that *I* am the problem. You, Ezra, Vin, none of you caused any of this, none of you deserve any of this. I'm the one with the problem and I'm the one that has to get help and try to make amends."

Mary nodded slightly. "Just tell me one thing. Do you want to try and save our marriage?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll be here when you come home. I love you, forgiving you will take some time."

"All I can ask for is a chance to try and make things right."

She nodded again and he moved back a bit, then stood slowly.

"I have to go. I'm due to check in at the clinic." He said awkwardly.

"Take care." She said just to have something to say.

"You, too." He backed away a bit, then turned and walked out of the room.

She watched him go then slid farther down in the bed. God! Her life was falling apart.

***************************

A week later

***************************

"Easy, Darling."

The comforting sound of his lover's soft drawl did little to soothe Vin Tanner's annoyance. He hated being weak or feeling helpless and right now he was both. Between the two month long coma and the barely healed fractures he was literally weak as a kitten. A week of physical therapy hadn't improved him nearly as much as he would have liked. While he understood what the doctors meant about taking it slow and building up his strength and endurance, it was still frustrating. He was used to being strong and capable, doing whatever he pleased. He had always been athletic and found the limits now placed on him almost unendurable.

He sighed and smiled at Ezra, as he let his lover guide him to the wheelchair. For Ezra he would endure it. He was going home. That was something to celebrate. He couldn't wait to be alone with Ezra, to cuddle up with him in their big bed. He might not have a lot of endurance yet but he was bound and determined to at least try to make love to Ezra. The most they had been able to do in the hospital was kiss and cuddle.

Ezra eased him down into the chair then came around to kneel in front of him, "Are you okay, Love?"

Vin smiled at him. "Yeah," he reached out, cupping Ezra's chin and brushing a thumb across Ezra's lips. "Can't wait to get ya home."

Ezra blushed then grinned. "I do believe, Mister Tanner that I am the one that is taking you home," he teased.

"Same difference," Vin avowed. "Me'n you, home alone...."

"Well," Ezra grinned, "we'll be home, definitely. Alone may take a bit more doing."

Vin raised an eyebrow.

"There are quite a number of people at the house, Darling. I hired a housekeeper. I believe you know her, Mrs. Garcia, little Rosa's mother."

"Yeah, I know her. She gonna be staying there?"

"Not at the moment but when the servant's quarters are restored, yes. I thought that it was a good idea. I worry about her and the children living in Purgatorio."

Vin nodded. He knew that Ezra had a soft spot for children and Mrs. Garcia was a widow with three small children.

"Uh, Ez... does she know...."

"About us? Of course, she does. I was quite up-front with all the employees about that."

"All the employees? Just how many people do we employ, Ez?"

"Well, it's a big house, Vin. Upkeep alone requires more than one person. I hired Mrs. Garcia as the housekeeper. She's in charge of everything inside the house. I also hired Mister Hernandez as the groundskeeper. He and his sons will take care of the grounds, tending to the yards, flowerbeds and garden. Mister Sanchez has offered his services as handyman. I know that he doesn't feel it's necessary for us to pay him but I must insist, since he is retired from the ATF now, he needs the extra income."

"So, there's at least three people there most all the time."

"During the day." Ezra said with a smile. "Only Josiah stays over most nights." He laughed softly, "Don't worry, darling. I believe they will all have the good grace to make a quick departure today so that we may celebrate your homecoming in private."

"Good, cause I think we're going to need some privacy, Babe. I really miss being able to do more'n cuddle a little."

"Me too, Vin. Me too." He stood abruptly, "So, let's get you out of here. I have your discharge papers. Mister Sanchez is bringing the truck around, so, I believe that we are ready to go."

"Then let's hit the road, Babe." Vin grinned up at him.

***************************

As they turned into the long driveway, Vin noted that the underbrush had been cleaned out from among the trees that lined the drive. With many of the trees bare of their leaves it looked a bit stark, but it was autumn, so that was to be expected. Ezra would, no doubt, plan out flowerbeds come spring. As the house came into view, he stared in disbelief. The dark, almost black, facade had been cleaned to reveal the sparkling silvery gray granite beneath it. Their ugly duckling wasn't ugly anymore. It had turned into the beautiful swan that Ezra had sworn was hiding there.

With its twin turrets on either end of the front, reaching up three stories high, it looked very much like a fairytale castle. The multitude of windows, shone in the sunlight, the colored glass panels that surrounded the large, center glass panes, gleamed like jewels.

The lawn had been mowed and the bushes around the house had been cut back neatly. To one end of the wraparound porch, a sloping ramp had been installed so that it would be easy to roll his wheelchair up.

He waited as Ezra got his wheelchair out of the back and brought it around. Looking at it then at the house he said, "I'd like to walk in."

Ezra smiled at him then looked toward the house. They were parked a good thirty feet from the ramp and the porch stretched another forty feet to the door. "It's too far. You'd be exhausted by the time you got to the door. How about we compromise? Let me roll you to the door and you can walk into the house?"

Vin sighed then nodded. He hated being this weak.

Ezra smiled at him, "Don't worry, Vin. It's just a matter of time. You're getting stronger every day."

Vin sighed and shook his head, saying "Don't feel like I'm ever going to be back to full strength." But he let Ezra help him down from the truck and into the wheelchair.

Ezra rolled him across to the porch and along it to the door.

They had just reached it, with Josiah trailing behind them when Nathan opened it for them. "Welcome home, Vin," he said with a smile, stepping back as Ezra helped Vin up from the chair and supported him as he slowly stepped across the threshold into the house.

Vin stopped just inside the door taking in the sight of the wide foyer. He stood leaning slightly on Ezra as he took in the renovated entranceway.

To his right a small table held three Indian pottery pieces, all in tones of tan, blue and pink. Two were shallow bowls, one holding keys the other several pieces of mail. A tall, graceful vase stood between them, a sprig of what looked and smelled like cherry blossoms standing in it. All were reflected in the mirror on the wall behind the table.

To the left a long bench, done in the same warm oak finish as the walls and padded with a thick cushion in true blue, offered seating.

A wide carpet runner in the same color as the bench pads stretched across the wide expanse of the gleaming blue granite floor to the arched doorway into the wide hallway and down the hall all the way to the back door.

On either side of the archway into the hall hung a framed quilt, the mountain scene on the left side and the eagles soaring over the mountains to the right.

The ten-foot tall windows facing out onto the porch were covered with blue velvet drapes, tied back to reveal the snowy white lace panels beneath and flood the room with light.

Centered on the left wall was a man-made waterfall. The soft sound of the water tumbling down the tiers was quietly soothing. Greenery sprouted along the various levels. A series of plant lights in a track above it indicated that the plants were live.

Vin blinked and grinned, "We've got a waterfall!"

"I love the sound and I thought, that as you would not be able to get outside as much as you would like for a while, that we could bring a bit of the outside indoors." He chuckled, "I meant for the pools at the bottom to be reflecting pools, ergo the flat rocks for seating around them however the children have decided that they are wishing pools and are forever tossing pennies in them."

"It's beautiful," Vin assured him. He turned to the right, looking at the grand staircase leading up to the second floor. The banisters gleamed softly, the treads were covered in the same thick blue carpeting as the runner leading down the hallway.

The minimal furnishings should have made the foyer look bare but instead it simply looked open and airy. He nodded in approval. "It's beautiful, Ez. I like what you've done with it."

Ezra beamed. Although he would never admit it, he had been worried that Vin wouldn't like the way he had decorated the house.

Vin looked up and gave Josiah, who was waiting beside the archway into the hall, a nod.

Taking it to mean they were ready to proceed, Josiah led the way to the wide double doors into the front parlor and pushed them open.

Vin couldn't stop a grin from crossing his face as he saw the room crowded with people and the banner over the fireplace, proclaiming, "Welcome home, Vin. We've missed you!"

Buck and JD were at the front of the crowd with Inez and Casey at their sides. Nathan and Raine were close behind them. Miss Nettie stepped around them to claim a hug and guide Vin to a seat. Behind them, Vin could see many of his friends from Purgatorio, then there was a general surge forwards and he was surrounded by well-wishers.

***************************

Sometime later, Ezra guided a happy, but exhausted Vin down the hallway from the front parlor to the back one where he had set up a bedroom for Vin.

"This is only temporary, Darling. As soon as you can climb the stairs without exhausting yourself, we shall move into the master bedroom upstairs. The plumbers and electricians should be finished up there by then. I hope you will like it. I'm having a Jacuzzi installed in the master bath."

Vin turned, stopping Ezra, as he wrapped his arms around him. "I'll love it, Babe. If you designed it, it'll be beautiful, functional and easy to keep nice. 'Sides it'll have the only thing that's really important to me... you, Babe."

"Oh, Vin! I love you so much." Ezra paused, then taking a deep breath to calm himself, he added, "I thought... I thought that I was going to lose you. I'm so glad to have you home!"

"Ez, oh, Ez." Vin murmured, burying his face in Ezra's hair. "You ain't ever gonna lose me. If you go first, I'll track you to heaven or hell or wherever you end up. If I go first, I'll wait for you, won't go nowhere till you're with me."

Ezra drew back smiling softly. He reached up to caress Vin's face. "You're such a good man, Vin. You're sure to go to heaven, but I... well I have it on good authority that I am going to hell in a hand cart."

"You're as good a man as I am and I ain't going to heaven without you so you better just make room in that hand cart for me!" Vin smiled down at him. "Sides, there's them that believe we're bound for hell just cause we love each other. I don't rightly care. I figure anywhere you are is heaven."

Ezra smiled up at him. "Likewise, Darling. Anywhere you are is heaven." He drew back, "Now, we need to get you to bed. You look like you're about to fall over."

Vin shook his head slightly, "Ain't going to bed unless you're coming, too."

Ezra hesitated.

"Everybody's gone aren't they?" Vin asked, drawing Ezra back into his arms.

"Well, yes, except Josiah, and he's staying over tonight."

"He won't disturb us." Vin said firmly.

Ezra chuckled, "No he won't. Very well. I'll lay down with you, but you must sleep first before we do anything more than cuddle. Agreed?"

"Ain't got much choice. I'm too tired to do anything else right now." He paused and grinned, "But I'm warning you, soon as I get rested up a bit, I'm gonna have my wicked way with you, Ezra P. Standish."

Ezra laughed. "I do hope that is a promise, Love."

***************************

Two weeks later

***************************

Maude Standish glanced out the window as her driver pulled up in front of her son's townhouse. She was startled to see the 'for sale' sign beside the walkway up to the door.

Instructing the driver to wait, she stepped out of the Lincoln Towncar and marched up the walk. Not bothering to knock, she used her key to let herself in. A frown crossed her face as she turned to key in the alarm code only to find that it wasn't set.

Her gaze dropped to where the small table usually sat, directly beneath the keypad, giving Ezra a convenient place to drop his keys and mail. It was gone.

Turning she stalked into the living room.

Ezra's big screen TV was gone, along with the surround sound speaker system. His stereo system, the white leather couch and chair that she always disdained while secretly admiring, all were gone.

She looked past the archway into the dining room. The glass-topped, chrome table and its matching chairs were gone. She crossed to the wet bar. Not a bottle of wine remained on the rack, not a bottle of whiskey or mixers on the shelves behind, no glasses or barware. It was totally bare.

She moved into the kitchen and opened a cabinet. Empty. The next was empty as well.

She pulled open the door to the refrigerator. No light. Empty and clean.

She turned and strode back to the living room and down the hall. A glance showed that the guest bedroom was empty, just the bare carpet on the floor. Then she stood in front of the master bedroom door. She had come here expecting to find her son curled up asleep on the big antique four-poster bed with its feather mattress that he loved so. She no longer thought that she would find him there, none the less she had to check.

She pushed open the door.

Empty.

No antique four-poster bed with its hand-carved headboard, no antique wash stand with its porcelain basin and pitcher, no huge, old, oak dresser with the six foot mirror hung on the wall behind it, no full-length mirror in its oak stand in the corner, no cedar-lined blanket-chest at the foot of the bed with the hand-carved wolf pack running along the sides and the mated pair on the lid.

The room was empty.

Ezra was gone.

Gone without a word, without so much as a phone call or a change of address postcard.

A strange and unfamiliar feeling of abandonment gripped her.

How could he do this to her? To his own *mother*?

She walked back out into the hall and down it to the living room. Looking around she spotted the phone sitting forlornly on the living room floor. She walked over and knelt gracefully, picking the receiver up. No dial tone. That explained the 'that number is no longer in service' message that she had gotten when she had tried to call Ezra from the airport.

She stood and pulled out her cell phone, dialing the ATF switchboard, she punched in Ezra's extension.

When someone picked up she was momentarily stunned that it wasn't Ezra's voice. "Ezra?" she asked in confusion.

"Sorry ma'am there's no one here by that name."

"To whom am I speaking?"

"Agent Winworth, ma'am."

"Team Seven?"

"No ma'am. Team Three. Team Seven has been temporarily disbanded."

"What!"

"Sorry ma'am, I'm new here. Heard about them but don't really know what happened."

"Who might know where I can get in touch with Agent Standish?"

"I don't know, ma'am. It's my understanding that Agent Standish resigned more than a month ago."

She paused, absorbing that tidbit of information. After a moment she said, "Thank you, Agent Winworth. Goodbye."

She snapped the phone closed, then re-opened it, dialing the main switchboard at the Federal Building. "AD Travis' office, please," she told the operator.

There was a series of clicks and then the sound of the phone ringing again. It was picked up immediately.

"AD Travis' office. This is Annie, how may I help you?"

"This is Mrs. Standish, Agent Standish's mother, I would like to speak with AD Travis."

"I'm sorry ma'am, Mister Travis is in DC for the week."

"Could you tell me how to get in touch with Agent Standish?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am, Mister Standish resigned several weeks ago. I'm afraid that we don't have a forwarding address."

"What about his supervisor, Mister Larabee?"

"Mister Larabee is on family leave, ma'am."

"Could you give me his home number?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am, we're not allowed to give out that information."

"What about Agent Sanchez? Is he there?"

"No, ma'am, Agent Sanchez has retired."

Maude stood tapping her foot. "Wilmington? Is he available?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I believe he took his vacation this week."

Maude's lips tightened in annoyance. "Tanner?"

"Medical leave."

"What hospital?"

"I believe he's no longer in the hospital."

Maude thought a moment, tapping her lip with a red lacquered nail, "Mister Jackson?" she asked finally recalling the name of the black man that worked with Team Seven.

"He's on temporary assignment with Team Three. Hold on and I'll transfer you down there."

Before she could protest the phone clicked several times then rang again.

"ATF, Team Three, Winworth."

She rolled her eyes. Back to him again. "Agent Winworth, it's Mrs. Standish again. Might I speak with Agent Jackson? AD Travis' secretary informed me that he is currently assigned to your team."

"Yes, ma'am he is... but he's out right now.... Can I take a message?"

"Yes. Could you please have him call Maude Standish as soon as he gets in?"

"Yes, ma'am. What's your number?"

She gave it to him and hung up.

Taking one last look around the apartment she shook her head then allowed herself a small smile.

Ezra had pulled a disappearing act truly worthy of the Standish name. Damn, but she was proud of that boy.

Now, to find him.

***************************

Continued in Part 5 (encompassing emailed parts 15-17)