(Set during part 19)

Legacy Journal: Xander Harris:

I now commit to memory the events of the night we hunted (Derek said I had to be more formal in this thing so I am). It felt so *right* to hunt like that beside Oz. And it was for a good cause I might add. All we wanted to do was to pay the person who shot Buffy back, hurt him as much as he did us. So we hunted. And God, what a thrill it was! It's like, all the leftovers from the Hyena and the Soldier came out, working in perfect harmony to allow me to do that. I *never* understood before what the true merge was like, but last night, I was it. I was totally merged and happy and carefree, even as I was cautious, cruel, and predatory. I took cold to a new level last night with the vamps. Not even that one that helped us, that Detective, Nick, got in my way. It was like he *understood* what I was feeling, though I'm sure he didn't approve of it. Man, he gives Angel second place in the brood war.

But enough about him, this is supposed to be about my hunting and how much in awe I was of it. I was pretty much merged when I ran away after I shot Giles, but this was even more so. In Canada, my mind went almost totally predatory. Last night, I was the perfect mix of all three parts of myself. And I understood each equally. I've had problems understanding the other parts of me (yeah, I admit, I have problems understanding myself too sometimes, but still) but last night it was just like Nirvana, the place not the band. It was everything I've ever hoped for out of trying to merge them, and I hope I get to experience it again sometime in the future. Uh-oh, gotta go, Derek just walked in and he's *pissed*. This may be my last entry, I won't be yelled at for doing my duty to Buffy, and I won't let anyone, not even Derek, come between my duties as a Slayerette and as a friend to her. The Legacy be damned, I've been with her longer and she needs me.