Tiny Bits of Evilness
 
 

Xander walked out to where his prospective spouse and mate was sitting, sliding down next to him on the couch.  "Sam?"

Sam grinned at Xander.  He looked like a little kid for some reason.  He was trying his best to look pathetic.  So this was the begging look Dean had warned him about.  "What's wrong, Xander?"  He pulled him closer to cuddle him.

"Can I have a dog since your brother stole mine?"

He stroked over some hair sticking up.  "You know I don't mind.  Why did you even ask?"

"Because it, um, kinda comes with a Scottish town?" he said hesitantly.

Sam considered that statement for a minute.  That was a good reason for the pitiful look.  "Why would a dog come with a Scottish town?"  And how did Xander find these things?  He had shown a real gift for finding odd things.  He had proven to him a few days earlier that Pokemon was based on certain demons.  Which was very strange to think about in many ways.  Especially since three or four had moved in and he had wanted *so* much to get a capturing ball.  It was one of the few cartoons he had caught at Stanford because it came on right when he got up for his Monday/Wednesday/Friday biology class.

"Because it's cursed and they think the dog caused it so they're going to give the town to whoever takes the dog and ends the curse.  Since we're already tainted and all that, it'd be the perfect dog for us," he said, starting to babble.  "It's a cute little dog, some sort of terrier mix.  I've got pictures of it if you wanted to see him.  He's so cute!  His name's Barney."

Sam kissed him to stop the babbling.  "Would you get in trouble for that?"

"Who else is going to save the town and the dog?"

"That is a point to consider," Sam decided, considering it.  "We should probably ask Cordain for permission since that might be seen as claiming territory."

"We could let them go once we end the curse.  Because I know you miss doing that stuff and you were so good at it."  He played with his fingers.  "Please?"

Sam smirked.  "You didn't have to suck up, Xander."

"You are good at that stuff.  I was all grunt and kill and stake, you did the harder stuff and the research stuff plus the exorcism stuff."

Sam kissed him again.  "You did just as much research for your girls, Xander.  You were more than grunt support, even if you do doubt that now and then, or they do.  I doubt Buffy could've taken over the town to make it safe for everyone plus make it prosper.  You're doing an amazing job."  He teased the edge of one wing, making his boy's body take notice.

"Dean helped a lot with the plans.  Then your dad fixed things behind my back now and then."

"They do have some annoying tendencies about being in control now and then," he agreed dryly.  "Even if you needed input, it was still your plan."

"Angel suggested it."

Sam tipped his face up. "Shut up, Xander.  Angel wanted you to take over the town and kill all the demons but him.  You're the one who made it into a safe haven and who is controlling the hellmouth.  I'm not.  Angel may've given you the idea but it was your hard work that made it come into being.  Quit putting yourself down before I go slay something.  Like him."

Xander leaned against his side, letting his wings wrap around them.  "I take these moods now and then," he said quietly.

"I'm well aware of their cause," Sam promised, stroking over the edge of a wing, earning a shiver.  "Fortunately they moved too.  It'd take me too long to find them."

"They moved to Santa Clara," Xander said dryly.

"Why?" he asked, shaking his head.

"I don't know.  They said something about small towns being nice and this one reminded them of home when they called to babble at me drunkenly the other night."

Sam kissed him.  "Let's hope they're not turned there."  He soothed his boy while he thought about the dog with the inheritance.  "What sort of curse?"

"Disaster.  His last mommy was a witch that blew herself up.  He had a lot of magic laying on him when she died."

"Then we might be able to free him.  Give me the information you have and I'll look it over to see if it can be broken."  Xander handed him a CD, getting a smile.  "Thought I was bored?"

"I thought maybe we could go get him tonight if you agreed.  It's lonely without Dean and Arf being around or your dad nagging me to eat vegetables.  Hu doesn't nag nearly as well as your dad does," he said with a wink for his caretaker since he had seen him coming out to talk to them about something.

"I never spawned, Lord Xander.  Special nagging powers come to those who have spawned."  He looked at Sam.  "Most Evil One, we have to get food from the main storage cavern.  Dinner will be late."

"We were just talking about traveling to look at a cursed dog," he told him.  "Or we can grab a burger, Hu.  Don't worry about it.  We can fend for a meal."

"You should not have to.  Something has been stealing food."

Xander looked at him.  "If they need it that badly I don't care if they do it," Xander said.

"As I figured you'd say but I think it's a prankster instead.  They keep leaving a playing card."  He held it up.

Xander looked then snorted.  "That's some demon Angel keeps tangling with.  Angel was complaining about sunlight so I'm guessing it's either killed by it or it strengthens it."

"We'll bait a trap then," Hu promised, heading off to get them food.  It was good his masters didn't think he was falling down on the job.  This was embarrassing.  He'd just have to get an extra large load of food this time.  Especially since his Lord and Master's Dean was coming back soon with his demon puppy.  That thing did eat a lot of food.  The puppy only needed a dead chicken every night but their Dean was a bottomless pit.

***

Sam knelt in front of the dog, letting it sniff him.  "You poor thing," he cooed, making it whimper and move closer for some affection.  Xander picked it up to cuddle, ignoring the shocked gasps of horror and the stares.  Sam stood up to pet him.  "We can fix that for you, Barney.  You're a good boy underneath all the spells.  We can help you fix that."  He and Xander walked the dog off, taking him into the house that had been his home.  He had refused to leave it.  Sam looked at the ghost, then smiled.  "Morning, ma'am."

"Who're you?"

"Sam Winchester and this is Xander Harris."

Xander grinned when she cackled.  "Knew Willow when she went evil?"  She nodded at that.  "Let us help you help your baby here."  They got to work draining the magic from the beast.  She faded out since her problem was solved and Barney was a happy puppy that got a lot of belly scratches.  Xander laid a protection he had spent the last few hours learning.  Sam gave him an odd look.  "To make sure he can't absorb any more magic."

"That's not a bad idea," he agreed with a smile, taking a kiss.  They walked out and Barney ran over to one of the kids, letting it play with him.

The mother gave the dog a sad smile.  "That's the first time he's left the yard since she died."

"She just faded to her reward," Xander promised with a smile.  "He's warded so he can't absorb any more magic."  She beamed and bent to pet the little dog herself.  He looked at Sam.  "Can we still adopt him?"

"Sure," he promised.  "If no one local wants him."

"No, it'd be better if he didn't have the memories here," one older man said.  He let the child hand him the dog, petting it as well.  "Would you like to live with the Americans, Barney?"  The dog huffed at him.  He smiled.  "I know, it's strange.  They're not like us."

"But we have a huge house and a lot of people around for him to play with," Xander promised.  "Including Sam's family and my friends when they come to visit."

"That's even better," the old man agreed, handing the dog over.  "There you go, lad.  Be good for them, Barney.  They're nice even if they are a bit strange."  Both boys walked off and faded when they got to some shadows.  He relaxed.  Their town would be in good hands.  He looked at the Council.  "Any idea on them?"

"The ghost knew them.  She cackled at the younger one's name.  He mentioned someone named Willow that she knew."

"The only Willow I remember being around her was some young witch with a problem the Council sent us," one very old woman noted calmly.  "That redhead that cried nonstop for a week about nearly ending the human race by turning someone into something."

"Aye, I remember her," the old man admitted.  "Didn't she speak of a boy named Xander?"  She nodded.  "Then that must be him.  A duty to the friend of a friend.  We'll be in good hands."

"I'll let the others of her coven know," the old woman promised, limping off.

The Council nodded.  "That's a good thing," they decided.  They left, going to make notes on that for the future generations.  The agreement said they'd belong to the boys for a full century and a day for saving them from the curses.  It was a good deal to them and neither of them had seemed too bad, even if the priest had taken a look at them then went running for a pint of whiskey.  They had been polite young men, the sort the local mothers could appreciate.

***

Sam landed in Angel's hotel first, smiling as Xander landed next to him and his wings came out.  "Hey, this is Barney," he said in greeting.

"Awww," Fred cooed.  The dog barked at her.  "Hi, Barney.  You're a cutie."

"His mommy had died and magiced him with a lot of magic that was causing destruction," Xander told her.  "I adopted since Dean stole my dog."

Sam smiled at him.  "It's very good of you, Xander.  As long as we don't end up living in the pound."  Xander grinned but shook his head.  Willow came out.  "We think you knew his former mother."

She looked then nodded. "I stayed with her for nearly a month while I was healing."  She let the dog sniff her then petted it.  "Hey, Barney.  I heard your mommy passed on.  Poor guy but Xander will spoil you rotten as long as you don't lay on his feathers."  She felt the magic around him.  "You protected him with a doorway guarding spell?"

Xander shrugged.  "It was the only one I found."  He took his dog back and cuddled him, earning a few laps to his cheek.  "Good boy, Barney.  Let's go see if Hu can find you a good dish for the food we need to pick up."  He disappeared, taking his poor puppy home.  His caretaker gave the dog an odd look.  "His mommy passed on but her death left him cursed and filled with magic."

"Interesting."  He petted the dog, getting a sniff and a bark.  "He's sweet, Lord Xander."  Sam appeared with a bag.  "I could've cooked."

"I told you we could handle it tonight," Xander reminded him, patting him on the head, getting a smirk back.  "If Sam wants to spoil me with a cheeseburger, I'm not going to complain."  They walked off together, showing Barney the way outside and where their room was.  The dog went to explore then came in to rest on the bed with them.  He wisely lay on the top of the pillows so he'd be out of the way since they were kissing overtop of their dinner but that was fine with them.

"Eat then kiss," Hu yelled at them from the hallway.  "You're both too thin and they'll think I don't take good care of you."

"You take excellent care of us.  We're hyper boys; we wear off the food too fast," Xander called back.  He did eat.  Sam smirked at him for it.  "He's very good at taking care of us."

"He is," he agreed, finishing his own dinner before the small demon got upset at them.  Then they went back to kissing, some fondling, a bit of groping, and then the dog decided to be somewhere less wiggly and headed out to jump into the large soaking bath so he could swim around.  Silly humans did strange things.

***

Sam looked up from his reading, smiling at his boy as he walked out twitching.  "Wing problems?"

Xander shook his head.  "Feather bent a bit.  Why are you reading a book on cockateel wing maintenance?"

"Because you bent some of the major feathers earlier.  I wanted to find out why and how to stop it.  Unless you know why you bent them?  Like maybe you landed funny?" he asked, going back to his reading.   It was pretty well a given that Xander had landed wrong somehow and had bent his feathers that way.  They really did need to work on Xander's landing skills.  The last one he had seen him botch he had ended up rolling at the end.  A ball of feathers was cute but it had looked really painful!

"Well, I kinda hit a headwind when I tried to land," he admitted, sitting at Sam's feet to look at the book.  "Does it give ideas?  And does it say why grooming my feathers feels sexual?"

"No, birds don't feel things like we do," Sam said, putting the book aside to look at his feathers.  "Go lay on the bed, on your stomach, and we'll groom them for you."  He heard a pan smack onto the floor by the doorway and looked over.  "What was that?"

"Willow sneaking back in wearing her mouse form.  I only stunned her."  He grinned.  "She was gathering magic."

"Good boy.  I'll return her, you go get ready for me."

"Sure," Xander said, hopping up and heading that way.  Sam was...inventive while playing with his wings.  There's no telling what he'd get today for being such a good boy.

Sam got up and grabbed the stunned mouse, bringing her back to LA.  He held her up by her tail, getting angry squeaks.  Buffy sighed and took her back, and Sam changed her back with a look.  She rubbed her head.  "Next time he won't stop the pan from hitting you full strength, Willow.  You're interrupting.  He needs groomed."  He went back to his mate's side.  Xander was naked, on his stomach, and spread out for him like a good boy.  Just as he had intended.  He had some wicked plans for his mate's wings and ass.  It was the best part of being evil, getting wicked plans and getting to enact them.

"I only wanted to check on them," Willow complained, rubbing her head.  "He hit me with a frying pan, Buffy."

Anya looked over from her bookkeeping task, then shook her head, sending the conversation the two women were having to her master.  He should know.  That's why he had appointed her his messenger.

//Anya, you're interrupting Sam grooming my feathers,// Xander's voice floated into her mind.  //I knew she was there.  I felt her  come in.//

//She's claiming she only wanted to check on you.  Make sure you weren't going more evil.//  She felt the sated contentment and sighed.  //Playing with the concubines?//

//No, Sam's straightening my feathers for me,// he sent back smugly.  //You know very well he's possessive and I can't play with them until we're ready to have evil babies.  Then again, Sam's dad said all babies are evil....//  His mind trailed off and the evil meter they had in one corner started to go off.

She looked at it and sighed in displeasure.  "Sam's playing with his feathers," she pouted.  "He still won't let me be a concubine.  Maybe when they have evil babies I can reapply but Sam said they can't play with them at all until then."

Buffy looked over.  "Babies get in the way of things, Anya."

"So?"  She pouted at her.  "John said babies are evil and I guess they're more evil than bunnies since they kill bunnies to come into being.  I wonder where they are on the demon hierarchy chart."  She went to look it up.  "Wesley, if babies are more evil than bunnies where do they land on the demon chart?" she called as she headed for the library.  "Are they less than most demons and that's why they try to sacrifice them so often or is it because they're stronger because they eventually wear out all the evil and turn cute?"

"I believe their evilness is a matter of opinion," Wesley said patiently.  "Neither they nor bunnies are a recognized category on the demon hierarchy that I've seen.  What brought that thought on?"

"Xander pointed out he can't play with his concubines or me until they're ready to have evil babies.  I was going to apply then but if babies are really evil then it might taint me a whole lot and I'm not sure I'd want that.  I'd have to quit playing cribbage with you and Rupert if I did that."

He patted her on the hand.  "That's a decision that won't be coming anytime soon," he soothed.

She pouted.  "But that means I can't play with Xander for a long time and I'm not getting the orgasms I need."

"I'm sure you could find a few wonderful young men locally if you'd tone down your search for sexual encounters," he said patiently.  "Don't be so blatant and learn some tact from Buffy or her mother, dear.  That would get you a nice young man who would gladly give you as much sex as you wanted."

"I tried that.  He didn't understand me and he didn't have any stamina.  Imps have better stamina when you charm them into the sex toys."  She walked off pouting, thinking about her hypothesis.  She'd have to write John and ask him since he knew about evil babies.  That had to be the reason so many demons wanted to sacrifice them; to steal their evil powers for themselves before it melted into cuteness.

***

Xander frowned and looked up as his mentor and boss appeared.  The scowling he had going on was not a good look on his handsome face, nor were the arms crossed over his chest.  "Did I kill a demon without knowing?"

"You're claiming more territory," he said bluntly.  "We had an agreement, Xander."

Xander frowned.  "I didn't claim it even though they offered it for saving the poor doggy."

Cordain gave him a look.  "What!" he demanded.

Sam came out of the kitchen with a glass of iced tea.  "Xander heard about a cursed dog that he decided we should adopt.  We found out what was wrong and fixed it but we never accepted the town.  Barney?"  He came trotting out.  "This is our newly uncursed dog, Barney."

Cordain stared at the dog then at Sam.  Then at Xander.  Then back at Sam.  "The higher ups claim you two are claiming more ground than allowed."

"We can tell them what happened but we never claimed the town," Sam told him.

Cordain waved a hand to put them both in formal robes.  Sam had to help Xander with his feathers because he was twitching uncontrollably.  The dog growled at him for bothering the masters.  He stared down at it.  "Quit.  Now."  Its growls went up a pitch and the hair started to rise on its head.  "He's very fierce, boys.  Dumb but fierce."

Xander looked at him.  "He doesn't like my wings being messed up either.  Should do it to you some day."  He picked up his dog to cuddle.  They'd both calm down.  "When and where?"

"Now," he ordered, taking them with him.  The High Council of the Demonic stared at him.  "They claim they're not claiming more ground."

Xander shook his head.  "I didn't ask them for the town in payment for letting us adopt and help the poor dog.  Get over it!"  They stared at him, a few glaring.  Xander stared back.  Then he suddenly smirked.  "Hey, Sam.  Remember that thing that we discussed last week?"

"Veelas still aren't real," he complained dryly.

"Not that," he complained, swatting him on the arm.  "The showing thing."

"Oh, that.  Yeah."  He looked at Cordain then at Xander.  "That's your area, not mine."  He took the dog and Xander did something that made all the Council scream in horror.  He grinned at their boss and mentor.  "We are evil now," he offered at the horrified look on Cordain's face.  "We still didn't claim the town."  He disappeared, Xander following.  Xander changed clothes into a pair of snug jeans and no shirt, making Sam hum while he petted the dog.  "I like those on you, Xander."

Xander smirked.  "So did Anya."

Sam growled.  He hated his mate's last lover.  She was pushy, demanding, and wanted him back.  Xander was his!  No wench was going to have him ever the hell again!  He put the dog down with a pat and a smile before pouncing his mate.  Xander made them hover while they kissed.  "Bed," Sam ordered, biting a possessive mark on his throat.  Xander flew them up to the padded perch/hammock/bed that he had put in last week for snuggling and sleeping without being bothered.  Sam groaned, going back to pleasing his mate until all he knew was that he was his.  Anya would not be getting him back.  Ever.  Or else he'd see her tortured in hell for eternity for trying.

Xander kissed him, smiling at him.  "All yours."

"Better be."  He moved back to tease him until he begged.  Hey, being evil meant that he loved the sound of begging.

Cordain appeared, staring up at them.  "None of us wanted to see the thirty naked, sweaty, whalishly obese women who were so fat they couldn't see their stomachs through their chins, Xander!" he yelled at him.  "Nor did we want to watch them have an orgy with food!"

"Then next time leave us alone," Sam called.  "My mate is my mate and no one else is getting him!"  He glared down at him. "Or else I get the next one.  I am creative."  Cordain shuddered, disappearing in a puff of smoke.  Barney barked at that.  "Good boy.  Get Hu to feed you and make us a snack."

"Of course I am, Lord Samuel," Hu called from the kitchen.  "Dog."  It came trotting in and dug into the food he had put down.  He shook his head.  They were enjoying being evil a bit too much today.  All that mating stuff was going to drive them insane.  He decided to call the Most Evil One's father.  He would have a way to calm his son down.  Before they all died from the evil energy coming off them when they got together.

***

John hung up his cellphone, slipping it into his pocket.  He looked at his older son, then at the dog.  "Xander and Sam adopted a cursed dog."

"Not really that unexpected," Dean said calmly, petting his friend.  Arf had been Xander's demon dog puppy but they had kept kicking him off the bed to have sex so the puppy had adopted him.  It helped him pick up women all the time and even let him know when one of them was demonic or had some sort of VD.   He was a very good friend to have.  "And?"

"Hu called."

"Ah.  That's the reason for the look of confusion.  What else is going on beyond the new pet?"

"He said Cordain appeared and took them off to talk about the new town they claimed thanks to the dog.  They came back in a funk and then Cordain appeared to yell at them about the bad mental images the boys had given them before having sex and sending more evil taint into the air.  He said spawning was making them go more evil than usual."

Dean just nodded slowly.  "So the wedding's when?"

"Soon I hope.  Sammy's too much of a girl to make it a quickie wedding but who knows.  Maybe we can talk that Cordy girl and Buffy into taking over and doing it for them?  That way it's tasteful, quick, and girl enough for them?"

Dean snickered.  "I'm sure Sammy would fuss, Dad."

"Probably but couldn't hurt to have it done."

"Good point."  He pulled out his phone to call them.  "Buffy, Dean.  Sam and Xander are incredibly serious about each other.  Like Hu just called to complain about the evil spawning taint they were spewing again serious.  Yeah.  That's what Dad thought.  Sam's nearly a girl and Xander's a bit warped toward your girly ways.  How about you and Cordy find the shotguns and plan things until we can get back there in about two weeks?"  He grinned and nodded, petting the curious dog.  "Sure.  What did they adopt?"  He listened to the story.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "Expect a letter from Anya.  Barney, the new dog, was magiced when his mother died.  They cured it but didn't claim the town that was offered in payment since Barney's curse had been bringing bad things to the town for a while.   That's probably why Cordain was there to yell at them again.  They can do the shotguns for us and it'll be in three weeks if she and her mom have their way."

John smirked, taking a sip of his beer.  "Good for me.  We'll have time to finish this job."  He looked at the sniffing dog.  "What's wrong, Arf?"  He howled and wiggled until Dean put him down, letting them follow out to the pack that was sniffing their cars.  "Get off," he ordered coldly.

Arf nuzzled the head bitch of the pack then nuzzled Dean, getting a huff of irritation.  He growled.  She swatted him.  Dean shot her with rock salt and she yelped, disappearing again.  "Good!  Leave my dog alone!" he told the rest of the pack, making them disappear.

"You're less possessive of him than you are of Sammy at least," John said dryly, going back inside.  He nodded at the woman behind the bar, who was giving him a confused look.  "Some of Arf's kind came to figure him out.  They got the point.  Can I have another, Ellen?"

"Sure, John."  She poured him another beer with holy water, letting Dean deliver it.  "Any other news?"

"Sammy's marrying his winged one," John said dryly.  "In three weeks."

"Winged...." she started then shook her head quickly.  "Do I want to ask?"

Dean smirked at her, stretching out across the bench seat of the booth.  "Xander's the Slayer's Hunter but her witch turned him into a Sividia.  That's a General of Hell's armies.  He and Sammy are adorable together.  Made us gag often from the smut flowing out of them.  They're marrying in three weeks in the town Xander claimed and keeps as a safe refuge for the non-hunting types."

"The one who took over the hellmouth?" she demanded.  They both smirked and nodded while Arf barked happily at that name.  "That's where you two came back?"

"Xander needed help clearing out the hunters.  He called me back and then the vamps started to make reinforcements so I told him to call Dad back," Dean said with a shiteating grin.  "Worked out pretty well.  He destroyed the demons after Sammy and the one who took out our mom.  Sent the head to Sammy to make him join us so he could fix his thing too.  So now they're being evil gay boys with a new cursed dog."  He sipped his beer.  "Hey, Arf, look, it's Jo!" he said with a point.  The dog looked then went to sniff her, barking at her until she gave him a horrified look.  "He's harmless.  He likes hamburger."  He finished his beer.  "Sammy's marrying in three weeks."

"Who?" she asked weakly.  "And why?"

"His Xander," John said dryly.  Shaking his head he gulped his beer.  "I like the boy.  He's a good boy.  A good hunter.  He's good at planning things.  But the boy's a goofball who likes chocolate a bit too much for my sanity."

"He does have nice weapons," Dean pointed out.

"He does," John agreed.  "I'm still stealing half of the stuff he sent with you, son."

"Sure, Dad."  He looked at the women again, seeing the horrified looks.  "He's a changeling.  The witch did it."

"Is she suffering?" Ellen demanded.

"He put her with a souled vampire who fights on the side of the light to learn her way back to the light path," John said with an evil smirk.  "Yes, she is."

"Every day," Dean agreed happily.  He looked over as another hunter came in and stopped to stare at them.  "Sammy's boy brought us back.  He's marrying in three weeks."

"Sammy's gay?" he demanded, looking confused.  "Didn't he have a blonde girl who died?"

"Yeah but Xander's special," John told him.  "Very special now."

Cordain appeared, glaring at them.  "I am going to destroy your son," he growled.

Dean snickered.  "I don't think your army's that big, Cordain.  What did the wonder geek twins do this time?" he asked at the angry huff.

"They've broken the treaty.  Even if they didn't ask for the town it was handed over."

Dean shrugged.  "Half the demons in LA wanted to hand Xander that town too.   If they don't ask for it, they aren't doing it with intent.   Which was the base for the agreement, right?"  Cordain groaned but nodded.  Arf barked and gave him begging noises until he petted him.  "Good boy, Arf.  It's good of you to cheer him up.  The Uncle Sammy is driving him insane."  He took his dog back, staring at him.  "You know very well they don't do it on purpose and if you get pushy, they're going to react.  Xander was the reason the slayer prophecies were so screwed."

John nodded.  "A lot.  I had no idea one person could cause that much mental damage."

"Still humming REM songs?" Dean taunted.  His father swatted him.  "You were!"  Arf barked at that.  "See, my dog agrees."  The hunter in the doorway whimpered.  He waved a hand at him. "Don't worry about it."  He looked at the Sividia again.  "You can try if you want but you know very well Xander's not going to let you push him around if it's going to hurt his family.  Hurting Sammy also gets us involved."  He stared him down.  "Do you really want that?"

"The higher are thinking he was a bad idea to be made."

Dean shrugged.  "Maybe but too late now.  The wedding's in three weeks."

He sneered. "Not if we don't accept it."

Sam appeared behind him and poked him between the wings, then smirked when the general glared back at him.  "Hi.  You were going to do what to my mate?"  He smiled sweetly.

"You are a jumped up human," he sneered, taking him with him.

"Looks like hell's going to have some openings," Dean said.  He looked up.  "XANDER!  CORDAIN STOLE SAMMY TO PUNISH YOU!"

Xander appeared in a cloud of very dark smoke, the dog at his feet.  "Excuse me?"

"Cordain's pissed at you two so he took Sammy.  Need help?" John asked.

Xander smirked.  "Hell no.  I've got Cordy for that."  He looked at his dog.  "Let's find you a puppy sitter for tonight.  Hi, Arf."  He petted his other puppy.  "Good boy."  They disappeared and landed in the Hyperion.  "Cordelia, I need your evil mind," he said with a  sweet smile.  She gave him a horrified look.  "Cordain took Sam."

"Ooooh," she said weakly.  "Why do you need me?"

"I need a leash," he said bluntly, giving her a look.  "Wanna help?  You can make fun of all the stupid fashions in hell.  I'll bring you back tonight."

"Sure," she decided, looking at the dog sniffing her shoes.  "Buffy, come watch the dog," she called, getting up and taking his hand.

***

Four hours later Cordelia appeared covered in fashionable clothes and jewelry, her hair was now a foot longer and had jewels braided into it.  She was cackling.  It was all a bribe to make her take Xander, Sam, and *leave*.  Angel backed away slowly.  She waved a hand.  "He took out two other Sividia with frogs and another one with a piglet.  Sam's back where he belongs and they decided not to mess with them again.  Xander made himself *very* clear when he ripped into the Council down there."  She let out another cackle.  "I had to hold him back but his boss has a very bad migraine and they agreed that Xander didn't do it on purpose so he wasn't violating the treaty."  Cordain appeared so she sneered at him.  "Molting?"

"Your ex makes me," he said grimly.  "Where did he learn that?"

Cordelia snickered.  "His parents, Cordain.  They were like that."  He shuddered. "Then slaying."

"I'll make sure it never happens again."  There would never be another child raised as Xander was if he had his way.  And he would have his way in this matter, as would his bosses.  He handed over a box.  "The new treaty Samuel negotiated.  He'll go far in the higher ranks.  His training to become a lawyer shows."  He disappeared still rubbing his forehead.  Xander sent him an apology present and it was nice of the young one.  At least he was trying to make up for being too evil for the higher ups in hell.  Poor Samuel was going to have a time calming him down.  He sent two more concubines but they got sent back with a simple note:  mine!   He checked on them, Sam was calming his student down.  "I did make myself a very good protege if I ever pass on," he decided, letting the concubines have him instead.  He needed to come down off the evil spike Xander had caused in him.

That boy was too evil for Hell.

They might have to make an alliance with the Light if he ever decided to make a power play of his own.

Fortunately, Sam was a sensible Evil One who was content with what they had.  He would rein in his protege.

The top person in Hell walked into his office, waving him to stay where he was.  "He will not move against us?"

"He reminded me he is a warrior for the light, Sire.  It depends on what we do to those he considers family and those he protects.  I was stupid for testing him that way."

"You were but now we know.  He will destroy us all to get his mate back.  As is proper for one of you."

"He was a warrior before his change," he pointed out.  The concubine looked up at him so he patted her on the head.  "Continue.  You're not distracting me enough yet."  She got back to it.  He moaned, shifting his hips out some.  "He will hold the line if we need him to, Sire.  Just not against the slayers or the Light.  He is a special use warrior."

"Good to know.  Put him into any future plans."

Cordain nodded.  "I already have, Sire."

"Good.  Rest.  You could use it.  You look tired, Cordain."

"I'm mentoring and teaching both of them, Sire.  They've clearly gone past me in some areas, even if Xander does have a problem with landing a third of the time."

The Most Evil One of All Hell Planes smirked at him.  "He's young.  Talk to him about spawning?"

"He'll have pets.  His own words."

"Whatever.  Do as you need to with him."  He left him to his relaxation.  He had to make some plans with the boy.  Unfortunately the boy heard and appeared in front of him, scowling.  "Problems already?"  He would ignore his less than appropriate nudity.  Nudity was for meetings, not personal business unless asked for or when being used as a bribe.

"Leave my mate alone," he said calmly.  "I will react and I did hear you, Sire.  It's instinctive you know."  He disappeared, going back to his Sam cuddling.  It was the highlight of his day.

The Most Evil One of All Hell Planes shook his head.  "Mates.  True mates even.  It's good for hell but we'll have to be subtle in convincing him to move to our side."

"Fat chance of that," Sam's voice floated down to him.  "I don't know how Willow did it, Sire, but we're trying to nap after sex.  Do you mind making evil plots about someone else so we don't have to hear?"

Cordain came out and removed the spell, walking off shaking his head.  "Rosenburg, Sire."

"We'll deal with her some other time."  He went to take his own concubines for a test drive to cure his headache.  It was the only thing he could do.  Even if he did need the magical potion he took occasionally to perform tonight.  Even evil overlords needed viagra when the stress got to them.

***

Sam woke up warm and comfortable, like usual, but this time he also couldn't really breathe.  He pried Xander off his chest, staring down at him, then finally poked him until he woke up.  "They won't win.  I'm not leaving.  Even if you make me mad.  Even if they make me mad.  You're not a rabid animal and you don't need to be put down.  Any other reasons for the insecurity that left me unable to inhale?"  Xander got up and stomped off.  "Fine," he sighed, getting out of bed to follow his mate.  He found him in the armory and pulled him up.  "I was making a point that I wasn't going to leave.  That you had no reason to be insecure.  I didn't mean to upset you, Xander."

"I'm not a girl.  Quit treating me like it."

Sam smiled.  "No you're not a girl.  I was trying to apologize."

"I know that."  He sat down, going back to cleaning the guns.  "I'm not insecure."

"Then why was I being strangled?"

"Don't know," he admitted.  "I was asleep too."

"Nightmares?" Sam asked more gently.  "Worried about what the others are going to do for breaking that treaty without intent?  That someone will get you back for something?"  Xander shrugged.  Sam gave him another hug and got pushed off.  "I wasn't trying to upset you, just make you feel more secure."

Xander pouted at him.  "Not my fault.  I was asleep."

"Sure.  You were asleep.  It was an unconscious action."  Xander nodded at that, relaxing some.  "Want some breakfast?  Or another cuddle?  I do like the way you cuddle when you're awake."  Xander gave him an odd look.  "I do."

"I'm fine."

"I know you are.  Your fineness makes me think sweaty thoughts," he teased.  Xander grinned at that.  "Want a cuddle anyway?"

"Breakfast then a cuddle since we don't have anything to do today?"

"I could appreciate that.  Hu, is breakfast ready yet?" he called, heading for the kitchen.  "My baby's hungry."

"You're with spawn?" he demanded, staring at him.  "It's about time!  You've had plenty of time to practice; it's time to move onto the actual spawning."

"Um, Hu, boys can't have babies.  Girl humans have babies."

Hu gave him a look like he was stupid.  "You're not a human anymore."

"I still look and act like one.  There's no way for me to have babies.  Unless Xander can?"  Hu shook his head.  "Are you sure?"

"As far as I know.  All Sividia spawn are created with higher demons.  Which you are.  The higher must carry them."

"It's good I don't have the parts for that then, huh?"  He grabbed the tray with their plates, bringing it to the armory to sit and eat with Xander in there.  "Hu thinks we should be having babies, that we've practiced spawning often enough by now to have it down pat."

Xander gave him an odd look then kissed him.  "That's an idea to make all of hell cry.  Our kids?  My hyper nature, your pretty eyes," he teased, making Sam smirk back.  "My wings and your height?  My puppy eyes and yours joined together for super puppy eyes?"

"They'd be beautiful.  Hu claims that since I'm me that now I can have kids somehow.  We should ask how."

Xander summoned one of the Council members.  "My caretaker just raised a point and it's about things your people can do.  Can Sam bear us evil babies?  Hu thinks it's about time we start on that."  He stroked Sam's arm with a finger, wrapping one wing around his baby's back.  "My wings, his height and eyes, my nature.  They'd be beautiful little hellions."

The Councilor suddenly saw what baby 'evil ones' from these two would be like and disappeared while shuddering hard enough to shake his dead skin loose.  He went right to the boss.  "Sire."  His boss looked up from his scroll.  "Xander asked if his Most Evil One could bear children for him.  They're planning on having ones with wings and Xander's nature, but Sam's eyes and height."

The Most Evil of All Hell Planes blinked slowly as that idea soaked into his old brain.  Then he suddenly shuddered.  "No, they're not allowed to spawn yet.  Even if that one would take over all of humanity for us it'd take over hell as well."  That got a whimper and a nod.  "No, they may not spawn.  I'll tell his caretaker myself.  Which one is it?"

"Xander called him Hu."

"I know of him."  He sent him the message then got up and left, appearing in front of Buffy.  "You must get them down off their evil kick, Slayer."

She looked up at him.  "Why?  And you are?"

"The Lord of All Evils," he said pompously.  She knocked him down and stood over him with a sword she had been cleaning.  "That will not work on me."

"No but I'm sure it'll hurt when I cut off your boy parts," she shot back.  "Leave Xander alone!"

Cordelia came out and snickered.  "Already back for more?" she asked with a smug look.

"He said Sam and Xander are being too evil."

"Well, yeah, they are kinda evil thanks to Willow activating Sam's prophecy and turning Xander into the big winged chocolate freak.  So?"

"They want babies," he told her.

"Ooooh," Buffy cooed, beaming at him.  "Little baby Sam's.  They'd have to be adorable."

"They'd be half baby Xander's," Cordelia reminded her.  Buffy stopped cooing at that, giving her a horrified look.  "His hyperactivity, Sam's mind, Xander's pranking nature?  Xander's wings, Sammy's begging and pouting skills?"

Buffy wilted at that.  "That might be bad."

"With no mother figure to raise them," Cordelia said, leaning on the table.  "Just Sam and Xander, plus their little caretaker demon to raise them.  Plus the dog."

She blinked then looked at the cowering Lord of All Evil.  "Okay, we'll calm them down but you guys brought it onto yourself by screwing with them for adopting a dog."

"We will never touch Samuel or Xander again," he vowed.  "They are sacred to us, untouchable unless they move against us."

Cordain appeared, frowning.  "Well, the prophecy said that after evil gained power we would be cowering in front of the warriors for the light," he said.  "Odd way for that to happen."

"Xander wants evil babies with Sam," Cordelia said happily, smirking at him.

Cordain had a vision of those children and fell to his knees, holding his head.  "No, it is not allowed," he decided.  "Even if the rest of us must be sterile it will not be so."

His boss looked at him.  "I don't want you sterile.  You have to have children to offset that one!"

"Hey, she called on you too," Buffy reminded the great evil pouting one on the floor.  "She called on three of you.  You guys thought it'd be okay."

"It weakened your side," Cordain complained.  "It was good for us until Xander decided to go truly evil."

"You tried to take Sam," Cordelia reminded him.  "Just because they adopted a dog."

Both evil higher ones groaned and left, going to make plans.  Someone would have to stop Xander.

Buffy grinned at Cordelia.  "One more person who needs to hear?"

Cordelia shuddered.  "Are you tainted?"

"Don't know.  I did get a shoulder pat from Xander the last time."  She skipped off to call John's cellphone.  "Hi, John, it's Buffy.  Just heard some *great* news and thought I'd share.  No, the demons aren't all going home.  Xander and Sam were talking about future evil babies with the higher ups."  She laughed at his 'all babies are evil sometimes'.  "Maybe, but these would be mini Sam's with Xander's hyper nature and wings."  Angel and Wesley came down the stairs to knock her out and carry her off to untaint her.

Cordelia grabbed the phone off the floor.  "Sorry, John.  Xander gave her a shoulder pat and made her a bit tainted too.  No, we just had a Lord of All Evil guy and Cordain both on the floor begging us to not let them have babies.  Xander is an excellent battle planner," she said with a grin.  "Sam's brilliant by what we're told."  She cackled at his assertion those children would take over the world while both sides complained.  "I think that's why we had begging and pouting evil ones here, John."  She hung up and let them lead her off to check her for evil taint too.  Buffy had only needed sleep and sex apparently.  She could use some of that cure too.  Wesley drained the taint off her so she went to call a friend for a booty call.

***

John hung up.  "Xander left a bit of taint on Buffy when he patted her on the shoulder," he announced.  Dean looked over from getting their lunch.  "The fallout from last night is starting.  Xander and Sammy are thinking about evil babies according to the ladies."

Dean nearly dropped the food.  "Excuse me?"

John gave him a smug look and nodded, reaching over to take his breakfast from his son's hand.  "They're talking about evil babies.  Cordelia said that the big guy down there and Cordain both ended up begging Buffy and her for help."

"The scroll said that evil would be cowering in front of the light after gaining power," he said quietly, sitting down.  "I wonder if that qualifies."

"Probably," John admitted, eating a bite of his egg, cheese, and jalapeno sandwich.  "This isn't bad, you're right."  He ate another bite.

Dean considered it while he ate.  "They'd be hyper little chocolate freaks with wings and Sammy's brain, Dad," he said finally.  John gave him a horrified look.  "Xander plays pranks, he was telling me about his former friend Jesse and how they played pranks all around Sunnydale when they were younger.  Sammy's brain, Xander's chocolate freak and hyper nature?  Xander's pouting and begging eyes, Sammy's pout and begging face?"  He sipped his coffee.  "Xander's wings and Sammy's height?"

John shuddered.  "It'd be very sweet.  Xander and Sammy are both very sweet."

"Until you pissed it off," Dean added, giving him a look.

"They'd have to use a surrogate," John decided.  "It'll be a while before they find one to carry for them."

"The concubines, Dad.  That's their other function."  John whimpered.  "Or if Willow got involved...."

John called Cordelia back, getting Wesley.  "Make sure Willow isn't going to help the boys have kids," he demanded.  He hung up and shook his head, looking down.  "We'd have to help train the kids.  They'd be the best hunter ever."

"Yeah but eventually we'd have to give them somewhere to take over.  They'd get both sides for being mean to their dads."

John looked at him.  "We're so screwed."

Sam appeared and gave them each a hug.  "I'm still male, I can't have babies.  It's not happening anytime soon.  Calm down.  Deep breath."  He disappeared again.

Dean took a deep breath.  John did the same.  Then they finished their breakfast and went to the cars.  It was time to hit Sunnydale and help Sammy untaint again.  That was too evil even for the evilest of Winchesters.

***

Xander looked up from reading comics with his head in Sam's lap, his wings hidden, when his boss appeared.  "Hey, boss."  He looked up at Sam, who was sleeping sitting up.  He grinned then at his boss.  "What's up?"

"You two may not spawn yet," he ordered.

"As pointed out, Sam's male, Cordain.  Human males can't do that."

"We've had to stop your friend Willow from helping when she heard.  Her evil is growing again but they're trying to fix her at the moment."  Xander snickered at that.  "Let us put some plans into motion first, Xander.  That child will need special education and places to run around while hyper on chocolate.  Give us a few centuries.  We'll even let you call your friends' shades back so they can see the child when it finally comes."  He disappeared.  Hell would have to do some revamping before that child came to be.

Sam blinked down at his mate.  "Did he just say they had to improve education down there?"  Xander smiled and nodded.  "That would benefit all the other demonic born children.  That's a good plan."  He leaned down to take a kiss, meeting Xander sitting up half-way.  "Nap?"

Xander popped them both up to his perch bed and they snuggled in to nap.  If his mate needed a nap, he was the perfect pillow.

Down in the kitchen, Hu was hugging the personal message he had gotten from the Highest of the High.  His kind of demon never got personal messages from that high up!  It was such an honor to him and his species!  Serving his evil ones was good for his whole kind!  Someday one of his kind would be on the High Council!

***

A few days later, Sam's head popped up when he heard the squeal of brakes.  "Sounds like Dad," he muttered, going to open the door and look out.  "Hi, Dad.  Hi, Dean," he called, waving when he and Arf pulled in.  Barney came out to investigate them, barking at Arf, getting a lick and a bark back.  They ran inside to the kitchen together.  He smiled.  "Arf, play nicely with Barney."  He looked at his family.  "Problems?"

"You're going too evil again," Dean said firmly.  "We've got to fix this problem.  Or else no sex until we can fix you since Hu seems to think that's what's causing it."

"Hopefully we can fix this before the wedding," John added.

"Wedding?" Sam asked slowly, staring at them.

"Yes, dumbass.  If you're thinking about knocking him up there will be a wedding," Dean assured him smugly.

"Um, Dean..."

John patted him on the shoulder, smiling at his strange son.  "Don't worry.  We understand the urge, Sammy.   He's a sweet boy who loves you.  Of course you'll want kids some year."

"That was more to taunt others," he said weakly.

Dean snickered.  "Be thankful you can't get knocked up the natural way.  Cordain said they stopped Willow from giving that as a present."

Sam shook his head quickly.  "Huh?"

"Why is there a breeze?" Xander yelled as he came out of the bedroom naked.  "Oh, family.  Get in here!  It's still chilly this morning!" he complained, heading for the kitchen.  Hu beamed at him.  "Morning, Hu."

"Morning, Lord Xander.  Cocoa?"

"I love you."  He took his cup and patted Hu on the head.  "You're the best caretaker I've ever heard of."  He walked off drinking it, letting Sam put clothes on him.  "Thanks, dear, hands were full.  Back already?  No more ghosts?"

"Wedding plans are apparently going on around us, dear," Sam told him with a smirk.

Xander blinked at him.  Then he looked off to the side.  "Anya."  She appeared.  He took a sip of cocoa.  "Wedding plans?" he asked.

She blinked then nodded.  "It's only right that you marry him since you're shacked up together," she pointed out.  "Especially since Hell is looking for good teachers to buy the souls of for your future spawns."  She sniffled.  "Can I at least carry one?"

"No," Sam told her.  "Mine."  She pouted.  He glared.  She gave him a begging look.  His glare got worse and she 'eep'ed before leaving again.  He looked up.  "Keep being pushy, make me think up a different job for you," he called after her.

"Leave Anya alone," Xander said patiently.  "She's the only Xander ex who never tried to kill me."  He finished his cocoa, looking at the family.  "So why are we back so early?"

"Your wedding in four days," Dean assured him.

Xander frowned, looking at Sam.  "Four days?"

"Apparently.  Not that I've planned anything."

"White Ladies have," Hu said as he came out with plates.  "Sit!"  They sat down and dug into the food he brought out.  They knew better than to argue with him.  "It is all arranged.  Even the peace treaty during it."  He went back into the kitchen.  "It will be in Arizona."

"Like where I changed?" Xander called.

"Not sure."

"Near where you said you were," Dean agreed.  "Closer to the middle of nowhere.  That way some of Sammy's and our friends can find a hotel and the demons won't taint anyone."

"Oh.  Okay.  I guess."  He looked at Sam, who shrugged.  "Who planned it?"

"Buffy, Joyce, and Cordy," John said smugly.

"So I'm guessing I'm in tight pants then," Xander said dryly, cracking Sam up.  "They would."

"They probably would," he agreed, taking a kiss from his mate.  "It's only a symbol of what we already knew, Xander."

"True.  I guess I can't be mad.  Joyce might not get to plan Buffy's wedding for her so this way she gets to plan one."

"Maybe we'll get Buffy hooked into some of the hunters so she finds a nice boyfriend," John said.

Xander nodded.  "Might be nice for her."

They ate, talking about the plans as the guys knew it.  Then they took them to check them for additional taint.  It hadn't grown any so they were sure it'd be fine.  For now.  At least until babies started to come.  Afterward, Dean went to tease the concubines.  John went to look for new things in the armory.  Sam and Xander went to ask their ladies about the wedding plans they had made.  That way they had *some* input.  Maybe.

***

Joyce smiled at the people walking up to the wedding site.  "Here for Sam and Xander's wedding?"  They nodded.  "We've separated it out into one side for hunters and one side for the demons.  Your side is on the left, boys."  They nodded, going through the arch to the glade Hu had transformed for them.  They found seats and looked around.  She looked at the demoness who appeared.  "All demons on the right please.  That way no one has to worry about unintentional taint."  She nodded, going that way.  She was another sividia.  They found their own row that had been put specially spaced for wing room and sat down, letting hers out.  She saw John, Dean, and Sam pull up in the Impala and beamed.  "Nearly time."

Dean glanced into the glade.  "That's about everyone we know.  All but Bobby."

"He's local and on his way.  I called," John promised.  "Pastor Jim too."  That got a nod.  As soon as their friends showed up and got hugs from both John and Dean, they went to seat themselves.  They got Sam out of the back, letting him take off his cloak.  Joyce gasped.  "That's traditional as Cordain said when he appeared this morning," John said dryly.

"I checked on Xander.  His is just as showy of what he's got," Dean said dryly, looking at his little brother's outfit of thin white leather pants and a white vest.  Underneath was a blood-red silk shirt.  "It's supposed to all be red but Sam protested."

"I would too," she agreed.  She fussed with Sam's hair.  "There you go."  Buffy came out to look.  Then she stared in awe.  "Traditional only done in white instead of red."

"Sure," she squeaked.  She went back to her seat and called Xander. "Sam's here.  Give us three."  She hung up.  Sam was walked in by John and Dean, and they stood beside him.

Xander's flash outside and her mother's gasp made everyone stare back there.  Tara walked in wearing blood red.  She was his maid of honor.  The two dogs proceeded her as flower pets.  Then Xander walked into the glade with Joyce walking him down the aisle.  His white leathers were very well molded to his legs.  His chest was bare and his wings gleamed.  Joyce kissed him on the cheek then let him have Sam's hand.  He smiled at the Highest of All Evil that was there to officiate.  "He is mine, Sire.  Make it so.  My mate is ordained and claimed."

He nodded, looking at Sam.  "Mot Evil One Samuel, do you agree to take this one knowing what his job is and that his calling as one of our special generals for emergencies that do not involve the Light fighting against us may call him from your side?  Do you agree to be his mate and calm him down so he no longer torments us?"

"I do but if you piss us off, we'll both get you," he reminded him firmly.  "My mate and I are one organism and will stay as such."  He heard a male sniffle from his side of the group.

The Lord of All Evils nodded.  "As is reasonable.  Sividia Alexander, do you agree to take this one knowing what he is and that his calling as one who is Tainted and Highest of Evils may call him from your side in case of battles that the Light does not call?  Do you agree to be his mate and calm him down so he no longer torments us?"

"I do.  Sam is my mate and anyone who tries to break the bond will be very sorry as only I can make him.  I am Sividia but I am also a hunter and he is mine.  Any who try us will regret it swiftly and for the rest of eternity."

The Highest of All Evils nodded.  "Agreed.  Samuel, as the one who created your position is dead, it is up to you to take it over."

"I don't want it."

"I don't care, son."

"I still don't want it.  I refuse to taint other hunters or to make humanity miserable.  What we have is enough for us.  Holding a sanctuary for the non-feeders is my calling."

The Evil Ones stared at each other then the higher one nodded.  "Even so you may need it if that war is called.  It is still yours, child."  Sam quirked an eyebrow up - a look he learned from his brother.  The Evil One smirked back.  "It will let you catch the one who is yours when he gives Hell more reasons to reach for alcohol and our concubines from the evil he can bring to our minds."  A few of the hunters snickered at that.  "It will also allow you to be at his side when that battle is called."

Sam nodded. "Then I'll accept but I don't plan on using it."

"Fine.  Alexander, you have been called and changed into what you are now.  You are a hunter underneath all of what you now are.  We will not use you in any war against the Light, because we do know that you would work against us.  Therefore you will be called from the sanctuary you hold sacred and pure of hunters only when we are attacked by an outside source."

"Hey, the aliens come and I'm there," Xander promised, getting a poke from Sam and a scowl from John.  "Who else would do that?"

"They have tried in the past," he admitted.  "That is what we need you for.  Are there any who disagree with this pair of ordained mates?" he announced to the group.  A few people gaped at that.  "Then I do acknowledge your mating and claiming.  Do remember to give us time to set up things better before you two spawn."  He disappeared.

Sam looked at his mate, then kissed him.  "All mine now," he said with a smirk.

"Hmm, but that means you're mine and going to be begging later," Xander shot back, earning a few snickers from Dean.  He took another kiss and looked at the others.  "The reception will be in here in a second.  If you'll walk out and back in, Hu will have everything set up."  They led the way and everyone came out, congratulating them on their way past them.  The pets came last and the arch flashed.  He looked inside.  "Hu!"  The demon food and the people food were separated.  "Thank you.  The punch too?"  It was put on the 'human' side for him.  "There we go.  Food, drinks, and music."  They led the way inside and he stretched then let his wings disappear, pulling Sam onto the dance floor to dance with him.  "Think we can sneak out after a snack for strength?"

Sam smiled.  "We'll see."  He took another kiss but kept dancing.

Dean nudged Pastor Jim gently.  "He even puts up with Sammy pouting and whining about things," he said quietly.  The family friend gave him a knowing look.  "He brought Dad and I back.  C'mon, someone I think you should meet.  Buffy."  She looked over so he led him over there, snagging Bobby on the way.  "Guys, this is the Slayer Buffy."

"Hi," she said, shaking their hands.  "We knew Xander only went for evil ones.  I guess Sam's better for him than the last few evil ones."

"Since he was tainted," Bobby agreed.

"Well, yeah.  I didn't figure Dean grew up normal if Sam had been like that the whole time," she said dryly, making him laugh.  She smiled at the Pastor.  "Relax, I'm not mean.  Really.  Not unless you ruin my clothes today."

One demoness came over.  "Dean."  He looked at her.  "Would you dance with me?"

"Why not," he decided.  "Just don't try to claim me or anything."

"I wouldn't.  You're amusing but not my type.  I'm making my own mate jealous."

He smirked.  "I'm more than man enough for that."  She laughed, leading him out to the floor to dance with him.  Her mate growled and came out to steal her back so Dean got to go back to the three chatting ones.  Sam and Xander were in their own world, talking about something.  "You know, they traumatized everyone talking about kids."

Buffy snickered.  "I saw Cordain and the one who married them because of that thought.  Little hyper baby Sam's with Xander's wings."

Bobby shuddered.  "That's a bad thought."

"That made all of hell drink," Buffy said proudly.

Jim snickered at that, shaking his head.  "Figures Sammy could make hell shudder."

"Oh, sweetie, Xander's *so* much worse!  I swear they had him on some sort of hitlist before this.  Every demon we ran into either wanted to kill him or sleep with him.  Even my vampire at the time."

"You need to date better," John called.

"Then find me a nice boy," she shot back with a smirk.  "You've heard what I like from Anya I'm sure."

"Bobby, we've got to set her up with a hunter before she goes back to Angel," Dean told him.

Bobby pointed. "They're over there."  Dean drug her over there and dropped her off after an introduction.  The boys were fawning over her for being who and what she was.  It was good for the girl.  He looked at Jim.  "Now all we have to do is marry off Dean."

Jim snickered. "I'm hoping his is normal."

"No, we cannot see if we can train a mail owl," Sam sighed loudly, giving his mate a fond look.  "One dog and my brother are enough pets for us, Xander."  John moaned and Dean spluttered.  "No more pets."

"Yes, Sam."  He leaned over to kiss him.  "I never considered Dean a pet.  Otherwise, I wouldn't let him play with the pretty weapons."

"Good point.  Fine, he's not a pet.  He's a pest."

Xander pinched him.  "Be nicer to your brother.  If I hadn't asked for him to help me in Sunnydale, I wouldn't have met you and you'd be surrounded by demons without manners who were trying to make you have evil babies with them."

"Good point.  Fine.  I like my brother but if he takes you from my bed again I'm going to beat his ass."

"Sure. You can do that."  He grinned and kissed him again.  "Feed me, my Most Evil One?"

Sam smirked.  "And don't you forget it," he taunted back, leading him over to the human food side so they could eat.  They'd need the calories later when they went on their honeymoon.  "Hey, Dean, Dad, you remember you're watching Sunnydale while we're gone, right?" he called before they disappeared.  Xander came back and cut the cake then handed Joyce the knife before disappearing with a slice of it.

Joyce shook her head.  "Poor Sam.  Feeding him sugar.  He'll have to wear him out."

"He's got eternal stamina.  It'll be fine," John said with a small grin.

She looked at him then shook his head.  "He's come begging twice now to be saved from Xander's tongue and wings."

Anya let out a wail and Willow banished her back to LA.   "Sorry, she couldn't hold it in any longer.  She's Xander's ex, Anyanka."  The demons looked impressed at that. "The only one who didn't try to kill him."

"Sam tried to drown him for a bad joke," Dean offered.

"Knew he was Xander's type," Buffy quipped, making the younger hunters snicker with her.  "Now that the cute ones are gone, let's make this a real party, people.  We need the stress relief.  Because those two drive *everyone* nuts."

One of the higher demons looked over at her.  "You have no idea."  The other demons nodded.  He looked at John.  "Each time someone mentions children from them those of us with the sight see them happening.  You'll need a strong hand with them.  They will have Xander's hyper nature and wings."

John shuddered.  "Far, far in the future?"

"A few centuries, but you'll still be here."  He disappeared.  So did most of the higher demons.  A few of the harmless ones stayed.

Buffy looked around.  Then at the hunters.  "They're all harmless, guys.  The sort that Xander and Sam protect."  That got a nod and the music got turned up so they could relax and destress.  Hell would be having their own party for the boys.  Even when Sam popped back to get some more food and sodas for energy, then popped back out, they were still celebrating.  It was good to celebrate the happies.

***

Sam and Xander appeared from their honeymoon in their living room/throne room area, looking at the ones waiting on them.  "Didn't Dad and Dean handle things?"

"We wanted to welcome you back," one child said with a beaming smile.  "Did you have fun?"

"I had a lot of fun," Sam said.  "Let me put Xander down for a nap."  They all smiled and nodded; the adults all smirked a knowing smirk at him.  He put Xander up onto the perch then sat down to talk with the school children.  Apparently it was a field trip.

Dean came out of the kitchen with Hu, helping carry stuff.  "Here we go.  Cocoa."  They beamed and took theirs to drink while they asked Sam about stuff.  Dean shook his head.  "Why are you asking him about the Council?"

"It's important for them to know," one of the teachers said.

"Ah," Dean said with a nod.  "I guess that's like asking the governor about congress."  He went to the armory.  The kids had already seen it so he could get back to playing with the new weapons Xander had sent back from their honeymoon trip to take down some demons pretending to be terrorists.  Even hell didn't want to deal with them so they had asked from what Sam had sent on a postcard.

One boy walked in to look around again.  "Do demons help the hunters?"

"Not hunters like I am but the slayer Buffy works with vampires and a few demons."

"Wow.  Think we could talk to her?"

"I think I can call and ask if your teachers want."  He ran out to ask her, bouncing around her until she agreed.  He came out and handed over his cellphone.  "She's on."  He went back to the weapons.  The kids cheered a few minutes later so it was good for them too.  Plus it'd give Buffy a reason to dress up and act like a woman instead of a girl again.  She needed more of those.  Once the kids were gone Sam strolled in.  "How was the working vacation?"

"A lot of slaying but it was good for us."  He grinned.  "How was the town?"

"Quiet.  There was a party that night.  Willie gave half-price drinks in honor of the wedding."  He looked up at him. "You two okay?"

"Xander's tired."  He gave him his most insane grin.  "I finally wore him out!" he said giddily.  "I'm so proud of myself!"

"I'm proud of you too, little brother.  Go nap with him so you can do it again later."  Sam flashed up to the bed and snuggled in against Xander to cuddle.  He was wrapped in wings and arms and legs within a heartbeat.  Dean shook his head, going out find his father.  "Did the kids ask you too?"

John nodded.  "I said it'd be better if it came from someone like Pastor Jim.  I might scare the kids."

"Could," he agreed. "Then again they have to know that not all hunters are going to make the jump to harmless demon in the same thought."

"True.  I put the teacher on with Jim and he said he'd come out next week.  They arranged it for him to be there with Buffy and her Watcher.  By the way, he appeared last night."

"He okay?"

"Quiet.  Thinking a lot.  Can't sit from what Buffy said.  She was babying him."

"Why did Willow get off so easily?"

"She's supposed to be doing witch boot camp.  She's AWOL and they're looking for her.  Angel called so she'll be going back soon."  That got a nod.  They both looked up at the perch/bed then shook their heads.  "Let's hope he didn't knock Xander up during their honeymoon."

"Can't happen," Sam called down.  "Even with Willow interfering."

"Thank God.  I'm not ready to be a grandfather," John muttered, walking off to see what else was going on.  There had been a few hunting demons who had tried to sneak into town.  He needed to make sure they were gone.

Dean looked up.  "Need stuff?"

"Nap," Sam agreed.

"Thanks."  He went to do that.  The three concubines were more than happy to help him need a nap.  It was good for them.  Even when Arf came in to cuddle up with them.  The ladies all cooed and petted him so it was good for him.  Sammy was happy and sane.  Xander was happy and starting toward sane again.  Buffy was dating a hunter who loved to make her beg in unevil ways.  He had his playmates and dog.  All was right with the world until the aliens the Highest Evil had talked about came he guessed.

The End.