Old Ones With Powers.










Xander appeared in New York, looking at his uncle.  "We gotta talk."

"Why?" he asked, standing up.  "Is there another battle?"

"Not quite."  Thor followed him to the hallway.  "Sif called me."  Thor grimaced but nodded once.  "She wants to talk to me about your daughter."

"We had no children," Thor said firmly.  "She ran childless."

"She's claiming it's yours.  Also, did you hear that Odin proclaimed that we all have to reup our vows to Valhalla and him?"

"I know not why," he sighed, leaning against the wall.  "We have never done that."

"We did once, but you were pretty young.  So was I.  Odin used it to find a traitor.  Apparently he can feel the truth of any vows to him.  So we have to go up there and do it or else we'll be without the family."

"I will and make sure you get called as well," he said, clapping him on the arm.  "I will not see her.  She fled in the middle of the night like a coward.  I thought her true and she proved herself not."

"I think there's a higher story there and I'll find out and tell you.  Plus about the supposed child."

"Please," Thor said with a scowl.  "I would not like that."

Xander nodded.  "Me either."  He smiled and disappeared.  Thor went back to his meeting to scowl there instead.  He looked at Odin.  "What did you want me to vow when we reup them?"

Odin stared at him.  "You have your position now, Alexander."

"Does that mean I don't have to swear allegiance?"

"No, it would make us happy if you did.  You are still a protector of the villages."

"Thank you.  I warned Thor you had called for it."  Odin grimaced but nodded.  "Is Sif here?  She called for a meeting."  Odin moaned, shaking his head.  "That's why I'm up.  To see what she wanted."

"Go see her outside the halls.  There are many that would still like to pull her pretty blonde hair from her head, grandson."

"I can do that and bring back news."  He disappeared, going there.  "Sif."  She stared at him.  "You needed a meeting?"

"I do, Alexander.  Tea?"

"Please.  It's been a long morning dealing with everything."  He sat down and watched the girl serving them.  She did look a lot like his uncle.  "Is that her?"  Sif nodded.  He looked at her.  "Thor's still highly upset.  He was about to beat a table with his hammer over you leaving even after all this time."

"I found a prophecy saying if I gave him children, they would be destroyed," she said quietly.

He nodded.  "I've seen a few like that.  Mostly they're shit."  She smiled and nodded. "Then again, Ragnarok has been remade."

"I had heard.  That is why I wanted her to be admitted to the family, in the hopes that the one that made me run was gone."

"To do that you'd have to prove parentage."  Sif glared.  "It is the rules.  Even my father did and Freya herself pulled me from the womb."

"I was faithful," she said firmly.

"Not the point.  You have to stand in front of the council and proclaim and prove that she is your spouse's child.  Especially since her father doesn't know."

"How would I do that?"

"There's two ways.  There's a test.  It's very difficult but unless she had blood from the family she can't even get into the caves.  If she makes it out she's definitely from the main bloodline.  Or you can ask John's people."

"John has broken out?  I had not heard."

He ignored the speculative look because he knew John would never go for it.  "No, he hasn't, but he's on the city of Atlantis.  He works with many people who are very smart and they can compare parentage.  Normal humans would have problems with the Godly DNA but his have a way around it."

"Why is he there?"

"That's how he's chosen to protect humanity.  I've been there a few times helping him and hiding from our mother while sick.  Healer Peter is there as well."

"I like not your job or his job," she complained.

He grinned.  "He can take blood from you, the child, and Thor to have tested."

"Odin would accept it?"

"He would but he might still ask questions.  I know Uncle would.  So would my father probably."

"True.  I know they'll ask."  She smiled at her daughter, who grinned back.  She looked at him again.  "It is dangerous to be related to Odin All Father but it is better if she is protected when she marries."

"Is she due to marry?"

"I was hoping one could find her a suitable spouse."

"I don't know.  John might be able to help there as well.  Roque's recently gotten with his mate.  I helped there.  I'm still looking for mine."  She smiled and nodded.  "Since the fated one I had was for crap and she's been dead since that was noted."  Sif sighed, shaking her head.  "Seriously.  If you go by the fated mate prophecy, I should've been with Mylan."

"That would not have brought peace to your house."

"No, not in the least."  He stood up.  "Let me talk to John and Thor.  Maybe I can ease one's temper and John'll be bored this week."  She nodded.  He left, going to New York first.  He looked at his uncle.  "She found a prophecy."

Thor grunted.  "That is not unusual in Asgard."

"Saying that any child of yours would be killed."  Thor looked up, giving him a pointed look.  "She's about eighteen.  About the slow, Asgardian growth rate so she's from when you were abandoned."

"You're sure she is mine?"

"I'm going to have John test that.  That means he'd need some blood from you?"

"That is more than acceptable.  Why did she step forward now?"

"The reupping and she's of marriageable age."

Thor grunted again.  "We shall see."

"Let me get John."  He disappeared, landing in front of his big brother.  John was kicked back in his chair with his feet upon the table looking happy.  "I have a request."

"Formal one?" he asked with a grin.  "Can we tease Mari about getting dressed up?"

"No.  Sif called."  John's feet hit the floor and he sat up, staring at him.  "She was pregnant when she fled."

"Shit."

"She's a pretty, blonde girl.  Of marriageable age.  Odin wants us all to reup our vows and she wants to present her during that.  Which means she'll need to prove parentage."

"We can do paternity.  That's easy enough to do."  Xander grinned.  "Is she going to join the temple?"

"Sif's a very traditional woman.  She noted her daughter was of marriageable age."

"So she's probably been bred and structured to be a housewife.  At least there's some eligible nephews of the lineage," he sighed.

"Yup.  Can we do that today?  Thor's in a scowling, grunting mood."

"Sure."  He went to get the doctor.  "Peter."  Their demi-god healer looked up with a smile.  "Don't.  Sif's wanting her daughter tested for inclusion in the lineage when Odin wants everyone to reswear."

"Wonderful!"  He gathered what he needed and Xander took him to Thor first.  Then up to Sif's house.  He ran a hand over the girl's forehead.  "She's of Odin's lineage but I'm not sure where."  Sif stiffened.  "We'll test it."  He took their blood and let Xander bring him back to the city.  "Wait."  Xander sat down to read a magazine he pulled.  Peter did the test and sighed.  "She's more related to you than to Thor."

Xander looked over.  "Father!"  Loki appeared looking scared.  "Would you like to tell me something about another sister?  Maybe from your brother's wife?"

"Not that I remember."  Peter pulled him over to take blood.  "Why is it important?"

"She's asking for her inclusion so Frigg can find her a husband."

"Oh, I see."  He grimaced.  "It was on Odin's orders.  He thought my brother infertile and I only had you so there were no further heirs."

Xander shook his head.  "Thor needs to get it on sometime soon," he decided.  Peter looked at him.  "I'm the only grandson."

"It'd go to his brothers and then you," Peter reminded him.

"Half of which won't want it.  Outside that one," he said with a point at his Father.  "And then there'd be hell in Valhalla.  Which would then get me demanded to fight him for it."

"True," Loki agreed.  "Though you'd never win, son."

Xander stared at him.  "Unlike you, Father, I've done a lot with my fight training."  Loki shuddered.  He looked at Peter, who was nodding.  "Definitive?"

"Yes."  He looked at Loki.  "I'd hide."

"Definitely."  Xander took the printout with him.  He went to grab Thor and bring him to Sif's house.  "We all need to talk.  Excuse us, daughter of the line.  It's going to get loud.  Go pick flowers?"  She smiled and nodded.

Thor watched her go.  "She seems sweet and simple."

Xander swatted him.  "She's been trained to be a wife like yours was."  He put the paper down.  "Odin thought you were sterile because she hadn't gotten pregnant."  Thor stiffened then groaned and shook his head.

"No, it cannot be," Sif said impatiently.

Xander looked at her.  "I asked Father.  He said Odin ordered it because I was the only grandchild."

"Why would that matter?" Thor complained.

"What happened when Odin ceded power?"

"Loki took over," he grimaced.

"And I got nagged to go kill him to take it from him," Xander shot back.  "I'm the only male of the lineage beyond your generation."  Thor shuddered.  "Which means you need to start putting out, Uncle.  I don't want that job too."

"I can see where that would be worrisome," Sif said, looking at her husband.  She got up and got the scroll she had stared at every day since she had fled her married house.  He took it to read.  "I could not lose what little I would have all at once."

Thor stared at her.  "It would not have happened."

"The house you shared was attacked many times," Xander reminded him.  Thor glared.  "Dad might've taken out any sons too."

"True," he admitted.  He put the scroll down.  "Now it is broken.  I had Freya break our vows."  She nodded she knew that.  "We will do what must be done."

"You have a girlfriend of immense womb potential," Xander reminded him.  "Give her an apple if you can ask Hera for one."

Thor nodded.  "I have broached that subject.  She does not like it and would not like to give up her career for a few years."

Xander sighed.  "Fucking yay."  Thor scowled.  He stared back.  "We've had Loki in charge once already.  We're reupping and something's going to happen.  I don't even need a vision to see it."

"I can sense that coming as well," Thor admitted, standing up.  "I will talk to her about needing heirs for when it is time for the throne to go on.  Odin will like it probably."

"Don't let him treat them like he did me," Xander said quietly, staring at him.

"No, I would have slain something to prove him wrong."  He patted him on the head.  He looked at his ex-wife.  "I will accept her into my house as your daughter.  I will sponsor her before the board."  She sighed and nodded.  "I will not claim her though."

"That is fair," she agreed.  "I thank thee, Thor."

He nodded.  "Get her prettied up.  There is a meeting this week."  Xander went to get her.  He looked at her.  "Have you found another husband?" he asked.  This was probably the longest, most awkward talk he had ever had since Odin made him talk to Xander about married life.

She looked down and shook her head.  "I have not nor will I.  I vowed to you and it was my own doing that broke those."

He patted her awkwardly on the shoulder.  "I wish you peace, Sif.  Future happiness as well.  We must all move past this incident."  Xander came in with her and Sif took her to get her dressed up.  He looked at Xander.  "You'll back me?"

"Yes and Peter did the tests."

"That's wonderful.  Go grab him."  Xander did that.  Thor took them all with him when the girl was ready, opening the massive doors and leading the way in.  "All Father, I have a petition."

"What, Thor?"

"This is the daughter of my house, Abigail."

Odin stared at her.  "Not the daughter of your loins?"

"No, apparently someone thought me unworking," he said with a glare.  "Which led to the dissolving of my marriage house."  Odin winced.  "Sif has asked that I acknowledge her as my stepchild and I shall."  He looked at Frigg, who was over it.  "She also asked that you take her under your protection until she can be found a good, just spouse."

"I can do so."  She walked down to look at the young woman.  "Relax, Abigail.  I am not the mean one.  Healer Peter?"

"I did the paternity test to confirm who her father was."

"And her father is?" Odin asked.

Xander snorted.  "The one you sent to make sure there were more grandchildren, Grandfather."  Odin flinched visibly at that.  The others in the hall winced as well.  "I have noted that there should be more of us," he said with a look at Thor.  "So I don't have to kill my own father the next time he acts up and takes power."  He glared at Loki then at a few others who had pushed that idea.  "Why would I want that seat?  You all complain like Midgard virgins."  Thor snickered, shaking his head.  "I suggest all of Thor's brothers and sisters start to spawn so I'm not the only grandchild."  Those all nodded and a few winced.  "Starting today.  Especially since I can't have children until I clear the mermaid taint."

Odin shuddered.  "That is good to know."

"It will take at least two regenerations to clear it all," Peter told them.  "So I agree, start screwing you lot.  My people have a lot more kids than you do."

Xander nodded.  "So do my mother's people and Zeus's people."  Odin glared at him.  Xander had just called into remembrance the old feud between Odin and Zeus.  "Hell, even Ares has multiple spawn and yet Tyr doesn't?"

"True," Tyr sighed.  "I have been remiss in that duty to the Council."  He looked down.  "I shall start trying to right that duty later."

"And when they come into being and show any sort of warrior's gift, I'll bring them to my people for training if the parents want," Xander promised.  They all nodded that was a good idea.  "That way they get more than one family's learnings."

"That is a good idea," Odin agreed.  "Frigg, is she suitable?"

"She's a darling young woman and Freya should have no trouble finding her a good mate."

Xander looked at his half-sister.  "If that husband should ever bother you in a way that hurts you or upsets you, you will call upon me and I will make it right as your brother."  She smiled and nodded with a small bow of her head.  "Good."  He looked at Peter.  "Let me get you home."

"Let him scan you first," Odin ordered.  "I want to know more of this taint."

Peter smiled.  "I did the last time he was on Atlantis to heal."  He stepped forward to give a report on how he had gotten it, which made even his father moan and walk off rubbing his forehead, and how it would have to be cleared.

"Not until I have a mate," Xander ordered.  "Before then I'll stick to not being able to have children."

Odin nodded.  "That is wise with some who have courted you, grandson."  Xander gave him a pointed look.  "Roque was very nice among them."

"Yes but now he's mated."  He smirked.  "I helped set up the consummation."

"I heard it was very fancy," Freya praised.  She walked down to the young woman, smiling at her.  "I have a great many young warriors who will prove themselves to be your spouse."

"As you will it," Abigail said quietly, not looking at her.

"Good girl.  Come."  She led her off with Frigg so they didn't have to listen to Odin sniping at his grandson again.  "Any others who need help finding a wife, do let me know."

"I am courting someone," Thor assured her.

"A mortal?" Frigg asked calmly.

"There are ways around that," Thor reminded her.  "I have talked to her about them and will not take her as more than a consort if she does not agree."

"Good," Odin agreed.  "I hope more grandsons come soon."

"You know, some of the most deadly in the family are actually the daughters," Xander said dryly with a smirk for his grandfather.  "The girls are more than capable of gutting most of us and then taking over."

Odin looked at him.  "They're female," he pointed out.

"Many places have very effective queens," Xander countered.

Odin grimaced.  "Not in Valhalla.  They're not warriors."  Xander pointed at the nearest Valkyrie, which made Odin wince.  "If it must happen that all of my grandsons are unsuitable, I would look at them.  I would hope that the others would not leave you in the position to make a choice, Grandson."

"I don't want your seat.  You've sweated a lot into it over the years, Odin.  I'd hate to wear your sweat for eternity."

"Good."  He smirked.  "Though if the daughters wanted to start giving me grandsons that would be appreciated."

"You bound our powers with our purity," one reminded him.  "If so, you lose all of us."  Odin shuddered.  "Exactly.  It would mean the worthless offspring would have to do our job and it'd never get done right."

Xander looked back at her.  "Hey," he complained but he was smiling.  "I'd pick good warriors from battles.  They might even be more fun ones, like Roque's mate until he could gather him and his team."

Thor looked at him.  "I met the fireling.  He was very interesting and babbled like you used to."  Xander punched him on the arm.  "You need strength work, nephew," he taunted with an evil smirk.

Xander used his powers to pick him up and make him hover against the ceiling.  "Really?"

Thor looked down at him.  "You've proved your point."

Xander hung him on one of the massive chandeliers.  Then grinned at his cousin.  "The pegasi need exercise anyway and Thor doesn't remember how to ride."  He disappeared, taking Peter home.  Peter burst out cackling, leaning on Doctor Lam's shoulder.  Xander grinned.  "Odin's making everyone spawn soon so I'm not the only grandson."  He disappeared.

She patted him on the shoulder.  "What happened this time?"  He told her between giggles and she burst out laughing too.

***

Xander got summoned by Hera, appearing in front of her and bowing properly.  "Yes, Lady Hera?"

"Alexander, your grandfather has asked that we examine this taint that Healer Peter found."

"Sure.  It's partially mermaid.  A few other things I've run into and killed.  A few possessions."

She shook her head.  "I'm glad none of my offspring's children have that problem."

He grinned.  "You hope."

"True."

"Especially since Odin wants more grandsons after I reminded him I was the only one."  She winced and shook her head.  "Exactly.  Is Lord Apollo doing it or his son?"

"We all wanted to look at it," she admitted.  "We've recently had a demi-god pop out a granddaughter who reminds us all of Joxer from that show my bastard stepson did."

Xander snickered.  "He was cute in it too.  Got many drooling women."

"It figures."  She waved him closer.  He stepped closer and she felt along his energy lines.  She nearly shrieked at what she saw.  "How on earth!" she demanded.

He shrugged.  "No clue.  It happened as it did."

"The fireling taint?"

"I do?"

"Yes!" she said impatiently.

"Huh, Peter never found that."  She called Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Ares, Poseidon, and Hades up to sense him as well.  "Hey, guys."

"Odin wanted us to check on the taint that he somehow managed to inhale."

Xander shrugged.  "It was what happened at the time, Lady Hera."

Ares snorted.  "Mermaid taint again, kid?"

"Not only that," Hera told him.  "Alexander, go to elemental form?"

He sighed and flashed his clothes off then turned into a glowing column of power.  The other Gods stared in horrified awe.  "What?" he complained.

"You have powers from sixteen pantheons noted in your aura," Artemis said.  "There's only twelve active ones."

"I helped the firelings during their last war, before the takeover?"

"No," Athena said.  "That did not flash."  She came closer.  "Hold still."  Xander did.  She tested the ones she didn't recognize.  "Titan blessings."

"One of them sent blessings upon my birth."

"The other two I cannot read."

Hera read them.  Then Hades.  "One's from the ones in Pegasus.  They are linked to Atlantis."  Xander looked at him.  "Perhaps because you used your powers for the Firelings.  Perhaps where you used them to help Jonathan."  He tested the other one.  "That was before the Egyptian one.  The ones before Osiris and Isis."  Hera huffed.

"Again, probably a birth blessing since that's about when I was born," Xander said, changing back.  "Why is this a problem?"

"Some of that will have to come out or else you'll never be able to regenerate again," Poseidon said.  "The mermaid taint will have to be separated anyway.  What tainted Jonathan?  I felt it but I didn't recognize it."

"Iratus, the bug they made the wraith from.  One bit him on a mission."  They all shuddered.  "It's mattered a few times, only once because he nearly turned blue and buggy.  Mother sighed and told him he couldn't become _The Tick_."

Apollo snickered, shaking his head.  "Yes, quite.  By the way, I have her in a sedated state in my temple."

Xander grinned.  "Thank you.  The mood swings got a bit bad.  Is it twin girls?"  Apollo nodded.  "Wonderful.  I look forward to training them so they're not simpering little girly girls."

"I'm sure you will," Hera agreed.  She looked at the others.  "How would we weed out the ones that aren't desirable?"

"The mermaid taint I can have weeded out by him pushing it into a child," Poseidon said.

"Infertile," Xander countered.  "And that's why."

"We can do an energy pregnancy," Apollo said.  "The fireling as well since it's not healthy for him to have."

"The only ones I know are a priestess and a young male."

"Again, an energy pregnancy," Athena assured him.  "A half fireling/half god would be a strong protector probably."

"We'd have to tell them so they can admit them into the clans," Xander said.

"True," Hera agreed.  She considered it then called Frigg.  "We have ideas."

"That's a good thing.  Alexander, did you like Abigail?"

"She's my sister, ick," he said firmly.  "I've been among humans too long to accept that idea."

"Fine."   She tested him.  "Go back to your elemental state?"  He sighed but did.  She stared in confused.  "What's all that?"

"Birth blessings and taint from gifts," Athena said.  "We can weed some out by energy pregnancies.  The mermaid taint can go that way."

"I wanted to wait until I was mated," Xander said.  "I don't want to be an irresponsible sperm donor.  All of my children should come from my mate, not whoever I sleep with."

"We wholeheartedly agree," Hera stated, smiling at him.  "I find that refreshing actually."  She glared at Apollo, who shrugged.  "Do you have one in mind?  We can change the parentage and just use the taint to form the pregnancy instead of making it yours if that's your wish."

"No.  I'm still trying to fight that edict you put out so no one *enchants* someone to be my mate."

"I did not mean for them to do that," she admitted.  "Aphrodite?"  She appeared and hugged Xander.  "We must do an energy pregnancy to weed out his taints.  Have you seen any hint of his true mate?"

"Two consorts but no mates," she admitted.  "But they'd both freak out."  She stroked Xander's back.  "We can take volunteers and adopt them.  The mermaid taint should go to Poseidon so he can handle it and change it.  One of his priestesses would probably be happy to do so."

Ares nodded.  "There's a few who wouldn't mind some of the others if we had to weed it out either.  Including the daughter of Pan."  Hera nodded that was true.

"It wouldn't take the hyena taint.  I've integrated them," Xander said.

"No, but it would help in other ways and that one is beloved of one of Poseidon's many grandchildren," Hera said.

"She's a sensible girl that makes him blush," Poseidon said.  "She has petitioned to ask him."  He went to talk to them.  They agreed and came up.  Hera did the quickie marriage and then transferred the taint to her as an energy pregnancy. Xander slumped.  "It will be fine and the child will be guarded and loved," he promised.

Xander nodded.  "I want to at least let her know and be in her life."

"You'll be her favorite uncle," the new mother said with a smile.  She and her husband disappeared.

Ares disappeared, going to the firelings still in the temple.  The head of the temple hopped up to face him when he appeared.  "Your people gave Alexander a blessing?"

"After he helped us."  She got the scroll from the library.  Each of the temples had a copy.

He read it and nodded.  "Odin wanted it mostly weeded out, which we were planning to go into his child."

She smiled.  "We would accept a child of his with that gift intact, Lord Ares.  How did he want to do that since I'm told he's single?"

"That's what we're discussing.  His mermaid taint got given to a grandson of Poseidon and his new wife.  She'll be giving him a very fishy granddaughter."

"I know of some who would adore having a child who cannot.  Even though it would not be laying an egg they would appreciate it."  She got them summoned and he gathered them.  Ares explained the situation to them and they agreed. 

They got taken to Xander and Hera did the transfer.  She glowed and the baby started to grow very quickly.  Ares put them back at the temple.  They examined Xander's aura for more problems.  There were still tiny bits of the taints they had removed in it but nothing too bad.  Peter was summoned and he tested the boy.  "Will he work?" Hera asked.

"Not yet but the blockage is power in nature now.  That's some of the hellmouth taint.  We can't really make a new one to drain that from him so he'll have to work that out and it'll happen when he's got a mate."

"Good," Hera said firmly.  She handed Xander back his clothes, letting him change back and put them on.  "That is much nicer."  She patted him on the cheek with a smile.  "Now, find a mate?"

"I've been looking."

"I know, dear.  Maybe a male mate?"

"And listen to Odin scream?" Frigg asked.  "Him being the only grandson right now does not work that well."

Xander looked at her.  "If I so chose I could embrace some of those taints and then make sure there's other grandchildren.  Or ask my male sister."

"True, that should suit her."  She patted him on the cheek.  "I will let you announce that."  She left to think.  They had to find their troublesome grandchild a mate somehow.  Somewhere.

Hera shook her head.  "We will all start looking at the grandchildren, Alexander.  What of that pretty young doctor?"

"She doesn't want to be immortal."

"Ah, a consort perhaps?"

"That would hurt like hell.  Probably both of us."

"Perhaps," she agreed.  "I can talk to her if you wish."

"I don't want her to feel forced."

"I'll send Cupie to do it," Aphrodite said with a wink.  "How long did that wing spell last?"

"Two days extra."  She giggled and left.

"I still say it's weird seeing you with them," Ares said, patting him on the back.  "Go rest."  Xander nodded, disappearing to his home. "If Jett was still alive," he complained, going back to his own temple.  Xander's powers were alluring but he'd hate to be pregnant.

***

Cupid appeared next to John, who wasn't on his city it appeared.  He looked around the dangerous feeling forest.  "All right then," he sighed, looking at his nephew.  "Mom sent me."

"I'm not even dating," he offered with a grin.

"Good!  Maybe that'll mean less nagging about wanting wings."  He grinned.  Someone came out of the trees firing on them and he threw a fireball at them.  "You're messing up my wings, dude.  Just....don't.  It's very unhealthy to mess up my wings."

"They never feel right," John agreed.  They shot the other Genii who were trying to kill them and Cupid got one more for them when he was playing dead.  John looked at him.  "So why call, Cupid?"

"Mom."

"Like I said, I'm not dating."

"We know.  No, I'm here because Xander reminded Odin he's the only grandson."  John moaned, shaking his head.  Cupid patted him on the shoulder with a smile.  "It'll be okay, John.  I'm not going to pressure her but we do need to make sure she doesn't have questions and all that good stuff.  Then maybe we can go for a fly," he offered with a wink.

Rodney cleared his throat.  "Should he end up with wings again, I'm going to let the biologists have him because last time he went flying and we got attacked."

Cupid looked at him.  "You must be Rodney.  You *so* need laid, dude."  Rodney started to splutter.  "And I should know."  John nudged him, shaking his head.  "What!"

"Don't.  I'll never hear the end of it if you fix him up."

"I wouldn't.  I don't know hardly anyone in this galaxy yet."  He grinned at John.  "Though, sweetie, to blatantly channel Mom, so find the dildo fountain.  Today."  The others with them walked off giggling.  "The rest of you could use some time in that same fountain but he's uptight and tense."  He stared at Rodney.  "Or you could mutually cure each other.  That'd be hot."  He grinned.  Rodney walked off swearing.  "Whatever."  He looked at his nephew again.  "I need to talk to the pretty young doctor that Xander's been flirting with."

"She's in our infirmary."

"Can we?"

"Sure.  That way I can ignore all the dirty looks I'll get for the next week.  Just like I do whenever Mom shows up.  Speaking of, who tied her to her bed?  No one's heard her ranting in a few weeks."

"We went with Godly Plan #12.  She's sleeping the sleep of the glass coffin in Apollo's temple."

"Hey, that's cool," he said with a grin.  "As long as no Prince is needed."

"Nah.  He can wake her up when she delivers the twins."

"Twin daughters.  The others are going to flip."  They walked back through the stargate and it shut down.  "We all here?" he called up to his gate tech Chuck.

"Yes, Colonel."  He stared.  "Did he do the wing spell too?"

"No, his are natural," John said.  "Chuck, this is Cupid.  Cupid, this is our excellent gate tech."

Cupid grinned and waved.  "Hey.  I'm saving you guys from Mom making the holy dildo spring up here to cure the tension problem going on."  Chuck blushed and ducked his head but he was smiling.  He walked John off.  "So, is she a good woman?  Most of Xander's dates are...interesting to say the least."

"I love Doctor Lam.  She's a great woman.  She's a very good doctor."

Cupid nodded at the guys walking past them.  "Fireling and Yellow furs," he said with a nod of greeting.

"Wow, you must be Cupid," Jensen said with a grin.  "That's so cool."  He beamed at John.  "Did Xander send you up to give Roque's consort and mate new ideas?"

"Jensen, shut the fuck up before I sew your lips shut," Clay growled.  He looked at Cupid.  "He's sorry, he's young and stupid."

Cupid looked at him.  "Roque could use some change up.  Got handcuffs and blindfolds?"

"If I must," he admitted.  Cupid touched his forehead and Clay shivered.  "That's ....  He'd probably kill my ass."

Roque stepped out of a dark room.  "Don't give my mate ideas," he complained.  "I'll never break him of them."  They shared a look.  "But thanks for the idea, Cupid."

"Always happy to help," he quipped with an evil smirk.  He looked at Jensen.  "You need the same dildo spring, dude."

"I know but no one up here wants to play with my magnificence and giant brain.  They're worried I'll pass out or something and they're wrong, but hey, can't seem to prove to them the Power of Geek is awesome."

Cupid stared at him.  "If you were a girl, I'd *so* set you up with Xander.  You could bounce each other into brain orgasms."  Jensen beamed.  "But one of you would still have to get pregnant sometime."

"It'd ruin my abs," Jensen quipped with a grin.  "If I find a girl like me I'll gladly send her his way."

"Please.  He mistakenly reminded Odin he's the only grandson."  Roque shuddered.  "The others all got the hairy eyeball and Xander suggested they all get to fucking soon."

Roque nodded.  "They could use it," he agreed.  "They're all uptight."

"Sif popped up again," John said.  "With a daughter."

"How in the nine hells since she left him and she didn't have any?" Roque demanded.

"Apparently she found a prophecy saying if she got knocked up, it'd be killed.  That's why she fled when she figured out she was.  Odin had sent Loki to make sure that his favorite son had kids since he didn't think Thor worked."

Roque moaned and shook his head.  "That doesn't surprise me with that source.  It really doesn't."

"Sif had her presented as Thor's stepdaughter so she could find a good husband.  Which was when the whole 'grandchild' thing came into play."

Roque nodded.  "It makes sense to me with the ones who came to complain to Xander that he had to take out his father because he had taken over Valhalla.  Any other cheery news?"

"We all have to revow to Odin sometime soon," John said.

"Great," Roque said dryly.  He shook his head.  "Clay, are you going to do something dangerous so I can get those nasty thoughts out of my head?"

"No, we just got back from one," John admitted.  "Sorry."  He grinned.  "You could go get that wing spell from Xander."

"Wings are fun," Jensen said with a huge grin.  "I love mine."

"Shut up, Jensen," Clay and Roque said together.

"I love mine too.  Wing foreplay is the shit," Cupid said, walking John off again.  "Later, dudes."

"Have a better day, Cupid," Roque said, looking at Clay.  "I heard that idea.  Don't even think about it."

"Sure, the next time I have your ass tied down, we'll talk about it," Clay shot back with an evil smirk.  Roque shook his head but left again.  He turned and punched at Jensen, who ducked and cackled, going to do something more life affirming than taunt Clay about Roque.  "Cougar, go beat his ass."

"He might give me ideas," Cougar complained.  "I'd hate that."  He nodded at the female scientist walking past them.  "John and Cupid are in the infirmary."

"Thanks," Mari said, heading that way.  She pounced Cupid, making him cackle and pull her around to hug.  "I need one of you tied up in my closet for easy access."

He kissed her on the forehead.  "Your mother would squeal like hell if you did, Mari.  Beyond that, you're not kinky enough for me."  He winked and she smirked then walked off.  He looked at the genuinely nice young woman - and wasn't that a shock since it wasn't really Xander's type - that he was here to talk to.  "So, let's chat," he told her with a grin.

"I'm still not fully with the idea of the golden apple thing," she admitted quietly, glancing around.

"I'm here to answer questions.  I had a human wife once."  She smiled and nodded, taking him to talk.  "John, go cure that itch before I send you something to help you.  Strife's been itching to come cause your enemies hell."

"I'm not sure if you can chaos the wraith or not," John admitted, walking off shaking his head.

Some woman came in and started to protest that Cupid couldn't be real and the wings had to be implants because humans weren't born that way.  He looked at her and snapped his fingers.  She found herself naked, tied upside down on a pier, with a sign around her neck that said 'Lost doggy, no collar or tags.  If she's yours, claim her.  If not, free to a good home.'  Someone saw it and called Sheppard. 

He came out and shook his head.  "I do not need to see that.  Cut her down, take her to the shrink."  He walked off to get some hooch from Radek.  It was clearly going to be one of those sort of days on Atlantis.  He just hoped that Cupid didn't make a dildo fountain or anything to cure all the stress.  He'd never live that down.  Even the other demigods would pick on him about that.

The sergeant cut her down with some help and they carried her, still tied up and with the sign, to the psychologist's office.  "Ma'am, she appeared on the pier this way.  We're not sure why but Colonel Sheppard said for you to help her."  They handed her over and left at a jog to get away from all that mess.

The psychologist looked at her newest patient, getting some scissors to cut the ropes.  "Did you do this to yourself?"  She sniffled and shook her head.  "Any idea who did it to you?  That way I can file a report."

"Some mean guy that has totally illogical wings.  The ones that corrected me were right, wings are wrong and mean."  She took some tissues to blow her nose and went back to sniffling.  "He was really mean!"

"He was," she agreed, settling in to let the girl cry on her shoulder.  They'd deal with her imaginary winged friend later.  Clearly the stress had gotten to her and made her mind crack in a way that led her to risky sexual practices to get relief from all the stress.  She'd help her find her normal sexual identity and hopefully she'd get to date when she went back to earth.  They couldn't have anyone who couldn't handle stress on the city.

***

Xander appeared to Roque, frowning and pouting slightly.  "You remember that every decade or so surge of needing to get the chaos out?"

"Graphically since it nearly got me married to a demonic gorilla king."  He sat up, looking around his mortal apartment then at his former fiancee.  "Why?"

"It's getting itchy and I have no idea how to use it to help."

"Cupid was saying Atlantis needed the holy dildo spring but it'd mean people would have to fall into it to make it help," he said sarcastically.  "Why bring this shit to me?"

"That's actually not a bad idea, which is why I bring this shit to you."  He grinned.  "During the convention, one of the Xanders with the hormone problems talked about the pool he had that his Cupid help him with."  He created the picture that Xander had shown him in mid-air.  Roque stared and moaned, shuddering.  "Think it might help?"

"Only if people can get into it without being seen.  They *are* military, Xander.  That can get them in trouble."

Xander got that *urge*  that screwy, twisty, itchy chaos causing urge came directly from his father.  He winced and tried to hold it back.

Roque knew it'd be worse if he held it in, like a powerful fart, so he swatted him on the arm.  He felt the powers hit a few places and flopped backwards shaking his head.  "Go home."

"Yup.  Thanks."  He moaned and let out another power flux and then grabbed his stomach.  "I hate being the son of a chaos god sometimes.  Strife, help?" he called.

Strife showed up, nearly vibrating.  "Can't you hit your own people?" he asked, looking pitiful.

"I got that *urge*.  Roque gave me the idea!"  He was groaning and holding his stomach.  "Damn it!"

"Nice to know that  your power surges are really more like farts," Roque complained, kicking at him.  "Did any hit John's city?"

"Not yet," Strife said.  "Zeus's tub and Odin's tub both.  Loki's too."  He hauled Xander up and he did fart and let another power fart rip.  "That one hit Atlantis."  He took Xander to talk to Janus and the other chaos gods still around.  Hera stormed in looking highly pissed off.  "It was the son of a chaos god urge, Hera."

"I'm sorry," Xander moaned, looking at her.  "I tried really hard to hold it in."

She sighed and patted him on the cheek.  "At least he's not pregnant.  It might even do him some good."  She checked the lines of the power surge he had just had and nearly cackled.  Odin had been in his special soaking tub when the surge had hit too.  So had Cupid.  She checked the last one and Atlantis now had tentacle dildos going out to chase people down and take them back to its pool.  "Strife, we might want to help Jonathan," she said delicately.

He looked then at her.  "I'm not touchin' that.  It'll get me and then Cupid will piss himself.  Which will give me an even bigger rush."  Xander let out another fart and another power rush.  Now the tentacles were double-headed dildos chasing people down to pull back into their pool.  No guy was going to be able to cut those off without wincing.  And yup, Roque's mate was up there fighting a few of them off.

Hera got Xander something for his gas problem and sent him home.  She put a temporary shield up over Sunnydale so any other gas related power surges would stay in that town.  The vampires could have fun with that.  Strife whimpered and nearly started to cry when that happened and the tentacles got created there.  Though he did thoughtfully move one to cheer up Angel and his crew.  They needed the pre-battle stress relief.  They both felt Apollo show up with a better gas medicine and force it down Xander's throat, making it activate right then to stop all that problem.  Before the next one got him.

Hera and Strife shared a smile then she went to soothe Zeus's bellowing.  He went to hide with Cupid, who was nearly vibrating too.  Yeah, that was a good chaos son attack.  It'd power all the chaos gods for *years*.

***

Clay's earpiece woke him and he jumped up, grabbing his pants, boots, and his guns.  He headed out at a run, thinking somehow a wraith or a Genii had snuck onto the city and was attacking Pooch.  What he saw.... "What the fuck is that!" he shouted.

"Demented chaos god power surges!" John yelled back over the radio.  "Or the son of one!"

"If this was your brother's doing, I'm killing him," Evan yelled back.

Clay shot the dick and winced when it changed to a longer dick.  "How do we kill this!"

"I say we let the women do it," Evan called.  "Or else I'm going to need to be *very* drunk."

"I'll have Roque go get something," Clay complained, firing on them.  It got Pooch and Cougar free.  Jensen was in dragon form breathing fire at them.  They were mostly trying to get his tail and wings.  "Jensen, get smaller and go above them," he snapped.  Jensen tried that and was nearly netted by a few dildo tentacles working together.  "Never mind." 

Jensen changed back and stomped them.  "Damn I want me some magic," he complained.  He stomped a few more.  "And a lot of liquor."

"Amen," Cougar said, his back to a wall because a few of them were trying to pull him down.  He nearly got tripped once but Pooch saved him and Jensen burned that one on him.  Cougar shuddered but it was better that the demonic dicks didn't win this round.  Dicks already won too many arguments in a man's life, this was one time to ignore them but never turn your back on them.

***

Up by Botany, John was fighting to get the scientists free of the labs.  "Guys!" he yelled.  "Come on!"  The majority ran for it.  A few.... not real fast.  John shot the tentacles, getting them off the scientists.  Though a few didn't seem to mind too much....  He was going to block that thought out of his head.  He did not want to know!  Thankfully McKay was behind him devising some sort of anti-tentacle device to hand to the women to kill the monster for them.

"I thought frat boys were pushy," one of the female scientists complained.

"If I had magic, I'd banish it at the demented bastard that created it," John said at her scowl in his direction.  "That's my brother, not me."

"Can't you call your mom?"

"My mother would enjoy this!" he complained.  "She's pregnant!"

"Never mind," she decided, stomping on one tentacle trying to climb her leg.  "I'm never touching another dick again!  They even bleed white stuff!"

McKay glanced back at her.  "Then pick up a sword or something," he said dryly.  "All the men are presently going through psychological damage."  She called on the other women to see what they were doing.  "Be more useful," he complained, having to stab a few that wanted him.

John mentally called for one of Xander's cousins and his own aunt.  She loved him and would save him.  Artemis really would.

The Valkyries looked around.  "Xander ate Mexican food," one complained.  They fired on the tentacle monster.  "There's more," the one in the lead reported.  "Go get them."  She spotted John.  "Both Odin and Zeus had sudden bathtime helpers too.  We gave him something for the pain and locked him in Sunnydale for a few days.  Though he said Roque gave him the idea."

"Roque heard Cupid say something about needing a holy dildo spring earlier then," John shot back, shooting the nearest tentacle to free Radek.  "Radek, move unless you *really* feel like an anime girl."  He jumped and got out of the way.  That unfortunately left Calvin Kavanagh open.  He couldn't really fight.  He had a nice handhold to grab him with the ponytail.  He...unfortunately went down with a shriek like a virgin at a gang bang.  They wouldn't speculate if he was one or not.  The valkyries eventually got all the monsters.  Artemis had shown up to help and even she was out of arrows.

Artemis looked around then at her favorite nephew.  "Your brother is no longer allowed to get ideas from Roque, eat Mexican food, or eliminate gas."

"His every decade 'my father's son' urge?" John asked blandly.

"Combined with Mexican food, yes."  She gave him a hug.  "It'll be all right, Jonathan.  Go drink yourself to sleep so you can imagine them as little, toothy creatures instead."

"That might help, yes," he said, shaking his head.  "Is Xander all right?"

"Hera locked him in Sunnydale after administering medicine.  The tentacle monsters there are having a lot of fun with all the vampires."  The godly women all left.

Clay stomped out to where John was leaning against a wall.  "I'm going to kill whoever did that."

"Xander ate Mexican food during his 'my father's son' urges.  He gets them about once a decade like all the other children of chaos gods.  Though, last decade we all had to relive Disco.  All of Valhalla, all of Olympus, a few other places, all went Disco for a week."  He looked at him.  "Only Ares and Cupid looked any good.  I killed the ever-recharging disco ball that followed me around for *days* so many times the people joking about it lost count."

"Xander's never getting gas pains again," Clay growled.  "Even if I have to let Roque open his ass up so far it'll whistle when he farts forever."

"It might not help since that does regrow to virgin levels if they weren't broken in before their final growth spurt," John said dryly.  "And I believe Xander was older."

Clay groaned.  "Still!"  John nodded.  "Radek, where's the hooch locker?" he called.

Radek looked over from helping a female scientist up off the floor.  "Is nearly empty unfortunately."

"Roque!" Clay bellowed, bringing him.  Roque blinked sleepily at him.  "We need hooch.  A shitload of hooch."

"Why?" he complained.  John showed him by touching him on the head.  "I didn't think it'd be more than sudden dildos in Odin's tub."  He went to get the needed hooch.  Having seen it from John's memories, he needed some too.  Before they decided to reanimate and attack him.  He got plenty of dick now, thank you very much.  Everyone got a bottle and then he took Clay to help him drink his.  Jensen was still clinging to the ceiling.  Cougar was perched on top of a plinth in the common area.  Pooch was as high up as he could go too.  "We good?" he demanded.

"I'm never getting dick again," Clay complained.  "And I'm thanking God I didn't fall."

Roque patted him.  "They can't compare to me anyway."

"You're not getting my ass ever again either!" he assured him.  "You're going to stay the wife!"

"We'll see.  Right now I just need sleep.  I was off killing drug makers earlier."  Clay nodded, taking him to get drunk and sleep.

Jensen hopped down and then helped Cougar and Pooch down.  "I say we get our own bottles."  They grabbed them from where Roque had dropped them and went to their own rooms.  Jensen had to go hide with Cougar because there was still one tentacle in his rooms wiggling around.  "Maybe being a girl wouldn't be so bad," he decided as he drank.  "At least I wouldn't get ambushed by dicks anymore."

Cougar kissed him to shut him up.  "You're never going to get laid again anyway.  I'll make sure of it."

"That's really nice of you.  Thank you!"  He gave him a hug.  He got up and went to tell Pooch that.  Pooch agreed that was a good idea too.  Though Jolene would probably giggle herself sick over that.

***

Strife decided to be nice and calm down the mob that wanted to kill his favorite 'nephew'.  He appeared in front of the mob, holding up a hand.  "Every kid of a chaos god gets that urge to break out," he noted.  "That's how they power themselves for the next decade."  They all groaned.  "Xander is Loki's son."  He grinned.  "And he got all of us too, people.  He couldn't help it but it was Mexican food and that urge that powers all us chaos sorts together.  He's real sorry."  He disappeared to talk to John, who was furious but still drunk.  Though, Zeus and Odin, still drunk too because not only were they molested by their tubs, but now they were women and pregnant.  Big breasted women with long hair, just like they'd usually hunt down.  Hera was having to hide her cackling each time she saw Zeusette.  Then again, Strife was just hiding before he got blamed and killed, again, for it.

***

Xander got screamed at by Faith and went to check on her.  "What?" he asked, looking sheepish.

She pointed at the smudge of dead tentacle.  "Was that your idea?" she demanded.

"Not fully?"  He shifted and grimaced.  "I did not know I sent one here."

"Uh-huh.  And it was anywhere why?" she demanded.

"Because it was by Godly, multi-pantheon decree that all chaos god offspring have a once a decade surge to power their needs so they would mostly leave humanity alone."  He stared at her.  "My father's still Loki."  She groaned.  "That was my once a decade surge and Mexican food combining.  I'm sorry!  I only meant to create the holy dildo spring that Cupid said my brother's people needed."

"Well, it went beyond that, boytoy," she said.  She smacked him on the cheek.  "Even Gunn got in on the 'oh dear' tweedy response and if he had glasses he'd have been cleaning them."

"I didn't send one anywhere near here!  I've been locked in Sunnydale for three days because I farted and those were created."

"If you're farting dicks, I don't wanna know," she complained.

"Making a holy dildo spring for military guys and farting combines to create a dick tentacle monster."

"I still don't wanna know," she said firmly.  "Are there others?"

"I think they've all been killed.  The Valkyries had to go save John's people.  So did Aunt Artemis."  He shook his head quickly.  "As far as I know there's no more.  I can check."

"Fury said you'd better check!" she ordered.  "Before they start attacking others!  They had a two-headed one in the Avenger's headquarters and he was *not* a happy camper."

"Sorry!"  He disappeared.  Even though he hoped it had lightened Angel's mood up some.  He went to check on Fury.  "I did not make them on purpose."

"I heard from Strife," he said bluntly, glaring at him.  "Especially about what your brother's people went through."

"I only meant to make the holy dildo spring that Cupid said they needed.  It's still up there too."

"Is it going to come out and attack?" he asked blandly.

"If so they can probably send it at their enemies?"

Fury looked at him.  "Not even Stark's mind goes such weird places."

"Mexican gas farts along with power surges."

"You're not allowed to eat beans ever again," Fury said bluntly.  "If I have to, I'll ask Thor and Hercules to ask their people to make it a mandatory rule."  Xander gave him a sheepish look.  "Go hide!"  Xander went to hide with his dog.  "And I thought Rosenburg was weird," he complained as he finished his report.  The president was not going to be amused.  Well, he might be amused but not in a good way.

***

"I put forth a decree to be decided upon," Ares said to the Olympus Council of Twelve.

"Why?" Zeus asked, trying to ignore the fact that he was now a very busty, very ugly woman with a beard and a growing stomach.

"So that the God Alexander is never allowed to eat any form of bean that might give him gas attacks ever again."

"Granted," Zeus said firmly, pounding his staff on the ground.

Artemis nodded.  "Seconded.  The tentacle monsters even gave me nightmares."

Athena gave her an odd look.  "What are you talking about?"  Artemis shared the vision of the battle against them with the rest of the Council.  Zeus shuddered and shrank in on himself.  He had only gotten the one from his tub that had impregnated him.  That was horrible and the men had to cut them off to kill it.  Which was causing more mental harm.  Athena cleared her throat once the battle was done with.  "Seconded."

"Anyone against?" Hera asked.  No one said anything.  "Ares, pass our new decree onto his people and have them reciprocate it."

"Yes, Hera."  He took the formally written version from Hermes and went to visit.  He walked into Valhalla and walked up to their Council, who were bickering with Odin, who was just as ugly of a woman as Zeus was.  He cleared his throat.  "Olympus has decreed that the God Alexander may no longer have any bean product that could give him gas.  We ask that you reciprocate."

Frigg stared at him.  "Was it really that bad of a power surge, Ares?"  He showed them Artemis' memories of the battle.  The women were giggling.  Odin and wincing and curling around his middle.

Tyr shook his head.  "I would have lost that battle right after losing my lunch and breakfast."  He looked at Thor, who was cackling.  "I know not how you can stand to watch that."

"Every time Loki says something displeasing about his son or daughters, cocks suddenly start to appear out of his verbal and other bodily orifices.  It takes a good ten or twenty minutes of power using to get even one cleared."

Frigg snickered, shaking her head.  "That sounds like Alexander."  She looked at Odin.  "You were in on the chaos son and daughter mandate."

"Alexander is never allowed to eat any bean product that could give him gas," Odin decreed, sending it out.  "Was Zeus bothered by this overly much?" he asked.

"Zeus is in the same state you are," Ares said dryly then disappeared to talk to Krishna's people.  They agreed as soon as he appeared. They were very happy that very little of the power surge had hit them.

Odin looked at his wife.  "Not one word."

"Of course not.  Though we'll have to get Healer Peter here to help you later on."  She called for him.  He and Apollo both came.  Apollo got an interested look.  "Are they each other's?"

Apollo shook his head.  "Both look to belong to a spirit instead of a physical parent."  He disappeared again, leaving it in Peter's tactful hands.  Apollo was about to giggle himself into a hernia over all that.

Peter looked at Odin.  "Let me check you over so I know when to come back," he said respectfully.  He laid a hand on his arm and felt along his power lines.  A twitch here and there and suddenly Odin was ready to bear his new daughter.  They got him hidden and her out of him within minutes.  Then the blessings started to rain in.  Including one from Xander that was for her to be a beautiful as all the other Goddesses combined, to have brains like Athena but the ego and attitude of Freya, and to be as humble as a maiden should be. 

From Roque they got one for her to be as strong as any son and as emotionally steady as any grandmother.  Peter's own mother goddess gave her the fertility blessing for when she was old enough. That way she could bear healthy, godly twins.  With Athena's 'may she always bear strong daughters' she might even start a new line of Valkyrie.  The other pantheons sent their own well wishes and blessings for her health, beauty, and brains

Thor showed up and smiled down at his baby sister.  "It's good she'll be smart and wise.  She'll make a fine queen before Alexander has to take over."

"Women do not rule in Valhalla," Odin said firmly.  At least he was back in male form.

Thor, who had learned much from the scary goddess incident, looked at his father.  "They already do or else you wouldn't listen to your wife's wisdom about things and neither would the others.  Though not all are on the same levels of wisdom."  Freya rolled her eyes and Frigg was smiling at him.  He cooed at the baby.  "You will be a strong warrior, sister.  We will make sure your weapons are glorious in your hands when needed and peaceful thoughts fill your mind when they're not."  She burped and he laughed.  "I'm told babies do that."  He patted her on the head.  Abigail and the other women Freya had as temporary handmaidens while she was finding them spouses showed up to help with the baby.  "Abigail."

"Stepfather," she said, smiling slightly at him.  "She is beautiful."

"She is and blessed to be very wise and strong."  The women smiled and took her to take care of.

"She's to learn to be a normal woman," Odin reminded them.

Frigg snorted.  "Normal women know more than you think, Odin.  Including how to use weapons or else we'd never be able to defend our homes and families with our menfolk gone at wars."  She patted Thor on the arm.  "We will make sure she will not end up like that one on that show I saw."  She walked off with Freya.

Odin glared at Thor.  "Do not give your sisters ideas."  He snatched his hammer and walked off.

Thor felt himself depowered but then his hammer got grabbed.  "I want not to take over your goddess damned seat, All Father," Xander shouted.  "Quit giving my father opportunity to take over so I'd have to kill him!  And then the rest of you for making me do so!"  He walked past Thor and handed it over.  "Keep a better grip on it, Uncle.  I'm tired of this shit already."  He walked back there and aged her to a suitably safe age.  "There, now my father may not harm you." 

He kissed her on the head.  She was about eight.  He looked down at her.  "Do not ever let my father talk you into things.  And if he tries, you call me and I'll come yell at him."  She beamed and nodded.  "Good, Aunt."  He patted her on the head.  "I have dwarves making her daggers suitable for a female warrior and later weapons.  Light and appropriate for her.  Until then," he said, handing over his old training sickles.  "Train on those."  She beamed and nodded, taking them to look over. 

"Heimdall does an excellent job because sometimes Tyr is too busy."  He patted her again and walked off.  Odin was throwing a fit.  Xander stopped in front of him.  "You were the one that wanted us offspring to power the chaos gods for their necessary duties instead of letting them suck off the power of all other beings like you do.  You, Zeus, and the others throw a fit each time that curse you laid on us kicks in.  Get over it and act like a man!  You created the issue, deal with it!"

"I'll kill all the sons of our chaos sorts!" Odin yelled back.

"Have fun hanging yourself then, since you're one!"  Odin flinched and moved back.  Xander stared at him. "You didn't feel like sharing.  I see now where my father gets it from."  Odin growled.  Xander stared him down.  "Do you now need furry ears and a tail like a hunting hound?"  He glared at his father, who backed down.  Then at his grandfather.  He made the scroll appear and read it, including the signatures.  "That's who you can blame for having had her.  And by the way, she is now under *my* protection.  Any who harm my new aunt will face me."  He added power to that vow and most of the room flinched as it took hold.

"Aye, I will help you protect my new sister, nephew," Thor offered, walking over.  "Though your temper is quite high tonight."

"I'm tired of getting shit from things that were created into problems by others."  He glared at Odin, who stepped back.  "Next time, share better than a room full of children and it might not happen, but I can guarantee if that sort of power surge happens again you'll have another wonderful daughter.  Or become one permanently."  Odin walked off shuddering.  He looked at his father, who was already sprouting dicks.  "Leave.  Her.  Be."

"Fine," he mumbled, walking off.

Xander looked at Heimdall.  "I gave her my training sickles and she's got weapons being forged by the dwarves, suitable for a woman when she's of age."

He smiled and nodded.  "That will be very helpful and I will make sure the child is safe."  Xander stared at him.  "Not all of us care about the powerful seating."

"Good point.  Which is why I've always liked you, Uncle."  He walked off.

"You had to give my future power to your sister?" Loki demanded out at the doorway.

Xander looked at him then smacked him on the head.  "Each time you try to grab power, I'm all but ordered to kill your stupid ass, Father.  I don't particularly feel like killing relatives.  It's not like it's a battlefield.  Should you make me to protect her or others, then so be it."  Loki flinched.  "Quit being so selfish and look at it from other standpoints.  I don't want the damn seat, you shouldn't have it and if you try for it again they'll try to order me to kill you to protect them all.  I've had enough.  Maybe that's why she was born."  He disappeared.

Loki got a brainstorm of an idea and went to see who had been upsetting his son.  There was no way that all of Valhalla wanted him killed by his own son.  His brother perhaps but not his son.

Thor looked at him.  "If I'm not here, who would they turn to?" he asked, seeing the devious look.

Loki paused then looked at the others.  "You leave my son and daughters be.  They are not part of any of my plans and are not part of anything going on up here."

"I'm about to banish your son," Odin sneered.

"He's about to kill everyone for them demanding he kill me," Loki shot back.  "Including you probably."  Odin winced.  "You were a wiser ruler in your youth.  What ate your brain?"  He walked off scheming against his brothers and sisters.  His son was correct, it was not Alexander's duty to stop his father.   It was Thor and his other sibling's jobs to stop Loki's plans.

***

Xander appeared in Olympus and looked at the baby girl, laying a protection on her and blessing her at the same time.  "I feel like a fairy godmother, dear, but you need the protection."  He patted her on the foot, earning a coo.  He grinned.  "Like my own sister, you need protected.  You have bitchy relatives too."

"Yes but hers isn't her brother usually," Hera said from the doorway.

Xander looked at her.  "Prove it."

She snorted.  "They have vowed to let her grow up."

"Do you remember Tiberia?" he asked.  She thought back, shaking her head slowly.  He smiled.  "Hades?"  He appeared and added his own blessing to his newest niece.  "She doesn't remember Tiberia?"

"That's odd.  She had to judge it."  He showed her.  She growled.  Xander looked at her.  "Are they better now?"

"Some," she decided.  "You are right to protect her, Alexander.  I thank you."  He grinned.  "Your new aunt?"

"I grew her to eight and protected her, then had another shouting match with my grandfather and all those who wanted me to kill Loki when he grabbed power again.  I'm about to ask to be adopted by someone else.  Odin already turned her over to Frigg and Freya, plus their handmaidens.  I've put one in their presence to help her be trained for the time that Father goes near her."

"Good."  She patted him on the arm.  "We nearly asked to adopt you when you were younger and learning to get along with Jonathan."

He grinned.  "I might've taken you up on it."  She smiled.  "Anyway, I reminded Odin that he was one of the ones that put out the powering curse because he did not want to share.  And that's where my father got it from.  I also stated the next time it happened, he'd be having another daughter just like this one."  He grinned.  "I also laid a protection so she can't be killed by any of our relatives or their minions."

"Good job."  She patted him on the arm.  "They would only try to talk her to their sides."

"Ares would protect her, she's not a threat to him, but make sure she's trained?"

"Gladly," Hades agreed.  "She's a darling child but we have no idea what to name her over."

Xander ran a hand over her head and smiled.  "She's got quite the mind by the blessings.  She could be our librarian or our historian, or she could be our engineer."

"Hermes, Hephaestus, and Apollo all are over that," Hera admitted.  She called them and they came in to see if it would suit her.  It appeared it would so they called the full Council and others to dedicate her.  Hades and Alexander carried her out.  "We have talked about her placement."  The Council, including Zeus back in his original form, stared at her.  "With her blessings and her mind, we have decided to name her over Engineers and those who create machines."

"I agree to split mine," Apollo said.

"I agree to split mine," Hermes agreed, smiling and waving at her.

"I agree to split mine, and welcome the help as sometimes they confuse me," Hephaestus agreed, smiling and picking her up to hand to Hera.  "May you enrich humanity and your family, sister."

Hera laid the blessings and stared at Zeus.  "Is she going to have the mind for it?" he asked.

"Yes," Xander said with a grin.  "She's got a great mind for it.  You can ask Jonathan, he works with many of them."  He was summoned and smiled, cooing at the baby.  "They're making her over Engineers."

He tested her and nodded.  "She's got the right sort of twisting, complex thinking that most engineers I know use."  He took her to hold.  "Welcome to the family and when you're old enough I'll bring you to Atlantis to meet your head geeks, sweetness.   Rodney hates children but he'll adore you."  He kissed her on the temple.  "You only need to ask me for my protection and it is yours."  She glowed and beamed at him.  He smiled back.  "Good girl."  He handed her to Hera.  "She needs changed."

"I'll do so in a moment," she promised.  Alexander went and grabbed his new sister, bringing her to them.  "Alana."

"Alana, this is the Goddess Hera.  She holds Diama, who is now over Engineers."

"She's adorable, Goddess Hera."  She smiled.  "I'm sure she'll be very wise and strong."  She patted the baby on the foot.  "When you're older we can play."  The baby cooed and they all smiled at the forging of a new friendship.

Zeus took her to look at.  "While we did not plan on you, you are clearly a good addition to our family, Diama.  I name you over Engineers."  He anointed her and fed her the first dose of ambrosia, as is traditional.  She glowed and squealed, kicking and flailing happily.  He handed her back.  "She is a bit squishy."

Hera rolled her eyes and changed her.  "There.  Now, let's dress you properly.  You should always be properly clothed in front of the Council."  She did that and Xander changed the color and decoration.  She smiled.  "Leopard print?"

"It goes well with her hair and eyes."

"It does," Athena admitted.  "Though not very traditional."  Xander gave her a pointed look.  "She does suit it though."  She took her to hold.  "You will be most wise, like I am."  She kissed her and passed her to Ares to give his own blessing.

"You'll be protected and protective, Diama.  It's been a while since we had a baby up here but we'll handle it and I'll teach you how to protect yourself."  He kissed her and handed her on.  John had already blessed her so he handed her to Apollo, who blessed her and handed her on.

Frigg appeared and smiled, waving at the baby.  "Our blessings upon your birth as well, Diama.  May you live a long, happy, complex life that leads to much joy and little boredom."  Hera beamed at her.  "Alexander, are you done with your sister?"

"No."

"Fine."  She stared at him.  He stared back.  "We will protect her from the menfolk."

"It's not them I'm worried about."

"Good point and she'll go to fostering with the dwarf queen for a few months.  That way they can fit her new weapons and teach her much."

Xander gathered some of his people, and added in a few others to their own surprise, and took his new sister out of time.  When they got back, she was a radiant eighteen-year-old Goddess.  Alana looked at him.  "I thank you for protecting me, nephew, and I know why it was for the best."

He kissed her on the cheek.  "Go pick flowers."

She swatted him.  "After I present myself."  She winked and walked over to her stepmother.  "Stepmother."

"Alana."  She tested her and found her strong minded, strong willed, and strong bodied with the knowledge to protect herself and others.  "Your father would probably want you on a horse," she muttered.

"No, I think not.   I may be pure of deed but not thought."  Frigg gaped then stared at Xander, who grinned and wiggled his fingers.  "That protects me from those who think I am innocent and wish to play that way or push me into an indelicate situation."

"It would," she agreed, looking at the young woman.  "You are over female warriors."

"Thank you."  They moved the party to Valhalla for her naming.  She walked in and Odin stared at her in horror.  "Father."

"Daughter," he said.  He stood up and looked at her.  He came down to touch her forehead and test her mind.  "Your nephew has a hind end kicking coming."

"He protected me so that none can use me," she said quietly.  "Including those who would wish for power through my loins."

He considered it.  "Your nephew has many plans."

"Including naming her over the female warriors we all have," Frigg agreed.  She sat down.  "It is a fitting one, she is one of them, and strong enough to help those who need it."  Odin stared at her.  "Modern women can be warriors.  As were some of ours."  She pointed at the Valkyries.

Odin considered it.  It was a position of low power but immense potential.  "I can agree to that.  Once she passes her tests."  She turned and bowed to Tyr then attacked him.  He fought back and she was good.  Odin watched, blinking a few times.  "Who trained her in combat?"  Xander raised his hand with John.  "I see.  She shows much of your style, grandson."

"I brought some of the best in what she would need to learn out of time to train her, Grandfather.  To suit her position she needed it."

"She does."  He glared at his grandson.  "We will be talking."

"No we won't."  He stared at him.  Then at his own father, who nodded he was going to leave her alone.  He smiled back at his grandfather.  "Finally I have someone I can work with on the protection of all the villages."

Odin gaped, staring at him.  "Yes, she would be helping you," he realized.  "Enough."  Alana stepped back.  "Fine, you are now our Goddess over Female Warriors."  He anointed her and she glowed then bowed and smiled at him.  "Work with your nephew and others to protect our villages and the women you watch over."

"I shall."  She backed up.

"We will talk about your future marriage some other time," Odin said.

She looked at him.  "I have no need of a husband yet, Father.  I need more training first."  Odin gaped.  "I know enough of that art to not be innocent when someone tries me like they have tried my aunts in the past, but I do not need to bed a man to rid myself of the last of my purity for a long time.  There is much to do before then and frankly, there are ways to handle that."  She walked off to talk to her Valkyries.  They were all happy with her ascending and it took them out of a lot of power plays as well.

Xander grinned.  "That way no one could trap her as they have others," he said, nodding at Freya, who beamed and nodded back.  He looked at Odin.  "Women don't have to wed upon their adult birthday.  It's not really mandatory."

"Good women wed."

"Then you'd let the Valkyries have their warriors."

Odin gaped then cleared his throat.  "That is a point."

"She would be over them as well."

"Fine.  She may come to me within two years with an idea of who she would like to court and I will approve or not."

"That's fine," she agreed.  "Tyr, may I have more training time?"

"Yes," he agreed.  "And we'll go to the dwarves together to make sure your weapons will suit you."  She beamed and nodded, bouncing over to hug him then back to her warriors.  He looked at Alexander.  "She is a suitable co-worker for your duties."  Xander beamed at that compliment.  "Who is this one then?" he asked, spotting the new Goddess.

"Diama, who is over Engineers."  Xander and John took her to present her.  "Council, this is the newest daughter of Olympus, Diama."

"She is absolutely adorable," the others cooed and welcomed her.  Hera smiled.

"When she is old enough, we will bring her to the dwarves so they may share their own ideas," Thor said with a smile and a wave at her.  "So very cute."

Hera took her back.  "She would probably like that.  That and Alana promised they would be good friends."

"I like the forging of new, strong ties between our families," Frigg agreed.  The others in the room nodded.

Loki walked over and looked at her.  "You will be as strong as my new sister is, both of will and of body," he praised, patting her on the foot.  "And hopefully have less temper than Alexander but more patience and his understanding of how the Councils work."  They smiled at him.  He looked at his son.  "We shall talk."

"We have talked, Father."  He smiled at her, taking her to hold.  "You're adorable.  Even if your butt does smell you're adorable.  You might even make me want to have one some day."  She cooed at him and smiled.  He grinned back.  He handed her back.  Hera and the others went home now that the official stuff happened.  He looked at his father.  "Someone has to protect the innocents."  He walked off, taking John and the pictures he had taken home.

John went home for a minute and stole Diama, taking her to his city.  He stood on a balcony, letting her absorb the knowledge around her.  "This is my city, Atlantis, cousin," he said quietly.  "Some day, all of your geeks will know of her and love her as I do and they do."  He let her touch a nearby wall and it glowed.  She smiled at him.  He grinned back.  "You're adorable and wonderful.  You'll make a fine engineer who will drive us all nuts with your inventions."

Someone cleared their throat and came out to join him.  Mari looked over his arm.  "Greetings, Diama.  Welcome to this insane family group."  The baby smiled.  "I'd hold you but if I do then an old curse will pop up and I'll want to get married."  John patted her on the head.  "Showing her off to her new people?"

"Showing the city to her.  She can wait until she's older to stare at Rodney in awe."

She grinned.  "She might, yeah."  Peter came out and cooed at her, taking her to check over.  "She's fine, Doc."

"She is," he agreed, handing her back.  "I felt the city acknowledge her."

Clay walked out and handed John something.  "Roque dropped that off and went to rescue Xander from a pissing match with his father."

"Xander protected his new sister from everything."  He put the necklace on her, making her giggle.  "He's a strong protector and he'll do that as long as you never double-cross him, cousin.  Roque is a very strong protector."  Rodney walked out with Jensen.  "Hey.  I was going to give you a few years for her to grow up before introducing you."

Jensen smiled.  "Greetings from my people, Goddess...."

"Diama."

"Diama.  Blessings upon your birth from us as well.  We look forward to your future wisdom," he said in his native language.

Rodney stared at the baby staring at him.  "Why is she staring?"

"She got named over Engineers, Rodney. You're about her high priest on this city," John said dryly.  He made him hold her and she bathed Rodney in a glow.  He moaned and handed her back.  "Schematics?"

"Of the whole city," he muttered, taking Jensen's computer to start drawing them out.  She giggled and John took her home.  Rodney wandered off to finish drawing those out.  They'd only help.

Clay looked at Jensen.  "Does that make you a dweeby, incompetent ambassador?"

"No, on the city Radek would be."

"Good.  I hated rescuing ambassadors."  They walked off together, Jensen chatting about that stuff.  Clay had to get used how councils worked.  He was Roque's mate and he'd have to deal with it some year far in the future.  Since they were bored right now, he could learn that.

***

Odin heard the renewal of vows and looked across his various relatives and Gods.  "It is the decree of Valhalla that we will have to prepare for another generation.  Those who are sons of Valhalla but not married will be by the end of a year.  Unless I have given dispensation."

Xander snickered.  "Or what, you'll kick us out?  Take our jobs from us?"

"Yes, I will."  He smirked.

"You do realize that I have fathered two different energy pregnancies in the last month."  Odin gaped in horror.  He grinned.  "Isn't that what you asked Hera to do?"  Odin moaned.  "As for marriage, I can take a consort and never produce an heir.  After all, I'm not a son, I'm a grandson."

Odin stared at him.  "You will and I will have to be presented with your heir by then."

"I have an heir.  Her name is Alana.  Should I fall, my duties, all of my duties, will go to her."

"You still have to marry, Grandson."

"That's fine.  I will choose wisely to help me."  He walked off humming.  That was probably a bad sign.

Roque and John, who had technical titles within Valhalla, both winced.  That was going to be bad.

TBC...

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