CODA: Insanity.
Xander listened. "Hold on." He got out and waved at a guard. "Someone please do a bomb check?" he called. "The engine definitely didn't sound like this earlier." He listened to Giles splutter. "Calm down, Giles. It's cool. So anyway, have the girls pick her up some cotton fabrics in useable lengths so they can make clothes, blankets, all sorts of stuff from it. If you need help, ask Mercy. She'd know what small villages need since she's from one in India." He backed up when the guards found the bomb. "Shit, I don't even know how to deactivate those," he complained. The guards moved him back further. "Timer?" he guessed.
"Yes, sir, about ten more minutes."
"Then let me strip the car of some stuff. Giles, talk to the guard." He handed over the cellphone and got into the specialty areas of the car to take stuff out, and the glove box, and the trunk. And got his jacket as an afterthought. He put everything into his bag and looked, rushing back for his hunting kit and coming back. They all ducked when it exploded. The bomb squad team at the shipyards hadn't gotten there in time. Xander took his cellphone back.
"Okay, I'm back. Got the car stripped of the important things, like the insurance paperwork. Guys, my twin's with Abby." They called down there. "Anyway," he sighed. Giles complained. "What?" He listened to him rant. "Giles, chill. For all I know it's a love note by the next evil girlfriend. No, we're good. Remember, the company has security. The house has security. It's okay. No, don't send the girls down to mother us. Please god no. Because they think we're helpless, Willow, that's why. Willow, last week I built two different pieces of artillery. I'm not exactly helpless and whoever did this is so getting my foot up their asses. So chill. Let us handle it. After all, we're interning at a federal agency and they blew up the sports car in their parking lot."
He sighed at her snort. "Because we liked the sports car, Willow. It's cool and it's nice, and it goes really fast. We're guys, we're like that. Now, I can see people being pissed off so I'm going to hang up now. Bye." He hung up and put the phone back in his pocket. The guard next to him stared. "Lesbians. Wicca lesbians."
"Yeah, they're a bit motherish," he agreed.
Two guards came rushing over with agents following. "What the hell happened!" Gibbs demanded.
"I turned on the engine and it sputtered a bit, which it's never done, and it was running a bit rough so I got out while talking to Mr. Giles about the girl we trained in Africa giving birth, and called for a bomb check. They found the bomb, the timer, and I stripped the car to make sure I had the important stuff out of it." He looked at the wreck. "It took us *weeks* to decide on that model," he pouted.
"What's all that?" Gibbs asked with a point.
Xander looked at then at him. "Stuff that was in the car."
"You said they checked it the other day," he said dryly.
"And they did, but they didn't find the specially shielded area in the area behind the front seats or the one in the trunk." He shrugged and put everything together. "Then again, they were kinda fingerprint locked in a special way." His twin came jogging over, pushing people out of his way. "So, less evil clone, what're we going to do?"
"Me? I'm going to try not to take over the world tonight while I figure out who the fuck just pissed us off. You?"
"Sounds like a plan. I'll order pizza and you tell Giles we're still all right so we don't get help from Cleveland? I had to discourage it."
"Yeah, not a good idea," he decided. He called up there. "We're fine, Wills. I promise we are. No, we took down a contact that was selling to normal people, we let our new XO... second in command," he sighed. "Have the files on all our spies, and that could've been it. Peter had some stuff from a classified military project. Or it was our next girlfriend proving to us that she wants us, take your pick. No, totally mundane," he sighed. The guards were staring at him. "Lesbian Wicca. We've known her since kindergarten." He went back to listening to her complain. "I don't think they'll help. No, we're going to prove our displeasure on someone when we figure it out and then make them miserable by letting others arrest them. Sure, if you hear anything, let us know. We're fine. We're going to have pizza tonight." He looked. "Laptop?" Xander 1 pointed. "Thanks. Hunting kit?"
"Of course."
"Thanks. No, Sivan said the three cows were excessive but welcomed. I'd ask Mercy, she comes from about the same sort of background but I'd think maybe some rolls of cloth for clothes and blankets? They don't acquire much, they travel with their herds. Exactly. Yeah, that might work too. Remember, no electricity. Thanks, Wills." He hung up. "They won't show up unless they think it came from their spectrum."
"Eeeh, probably not," Xander 1 said dryly. "We can go to the bar and ask."
"That's a good thing to do, yeah." He called the company. "Len, 2. Our car blew up. NCIS. Thanks." He hung up. "He'll come pick us up in the corporate mobile."
"We've got to find another car," 1 complained.
"Yeah, we'll figure it out later." His twin shrugged at that. He sighed. "That's going to be a bitch to file for insurance on though."
"I saved the insurance papers."
"That was great thinking that I would've forgotten," 2 said with a grin.
"Boys!" Gibbs shouted. They stared at him, looking like kicked puppies. "Let's focus. Who wants you two dead?"
"Asshole spies in the company, someone we wouldn't let bid on something, your director, someone in the Mossad because if we bust the spies one of theirs is in for treason charges because we stopped him last week from going after a Senator, and turned him into the Secret Service but they did nothing," 1 babbled.
"Could be the next girlfriend making a point," 2 added. "Or could be from our past lives. Which would involve Cleveland and I don't want to see an army of girls so we'll figure that out tonight on the way home." A sedan rolled up. "That's not our corporate mobile."
1 stared. "Duck!" he shouted when he slowed down and a window came down. Gunfire rattled the cars around them. The agents and 1 fired back. He was pissed off. He pulled out something from the bag and tagged the car then fired the other thing he had pulled out. The flare gun was so pretty. The driver managed to run. The agents chased. He stopped a guard. "Everything in the car now has a radioactive tag. It will last for three days." The guard beamed and called that in. "The dude now reads like the bomb." He checked his twin over, running his hands over his arms, chest, then legs. "No injuries?" he demanded, staring at him.
"No, not yet. Have I mentioned you getting the Rambo tendencies is odd?"
"Yeah, well, someone had to get it," he said dryly. Abby grabbed them both to hug. "We're fine," he promised.
"What is he radiating?" Xander 2 handed over another tagging bullet. "Thank you." She went to analyze it and find the sucker. She wanted them begging for more than treats.
2 spotted their car and grabbed the stuff, heading that way. "Go home?"
"Bar then home," he corrected. He got in. "Thanks, Len."
"Not a problem, boys. Home, yes?"
"Bar then home," 1 ordered. "You do your thing," he ordered his twin.
"Gotcha." He watched them go, staring out over the damage. Oh he was so pissed. He was going to make someone pay and pay and pay before they turned themselves in if he could manage it. He walked inside with the laptop he had taken back, going to plug in. "Ziva, was that your people's sort of bomb since we have a Mossad spy in the company who we caught trying to assassinate someone?" he asked when she walked in. She gasped. He looked up. "We turned him in but they haven't done anything to him yet. I don't know why since he was found with the gun in hand and we stopped him from taking a shot." She looked pissed so he switched to Hebrew and chewed her a new one about him. She flinched back and huffed off. He went back to hacking. He loved destroying people. "Awww, it's none of the above!" he said sweetly, sending that to his twin. He got all the information they needed to deal with those assholes. The director stomped up to him so he pulled up the report they had filed and showed it to her.
"They should have stopped him by now."
"He showed up for work again this morning," he said dryly. "Fix it so I don't have to kick his ass." He took his laptop back, getting back into it. "This is so fucking amusing. A conspiracy." He walked off, taking it down to Gibbs. "I need a secure face-to-face with the SecNav," he said quietly.
"Why," Gibbs asked impatiently.
"Because I just found a conspiracy." He let him see it. "We're in the way because we gave them back their shit."
"Damn it," he muttered. "NID are all freaks."
"We know," he assured him dryly. "But we have better information that probably only he can see since that project is above even his classification rating."
He called. "I need to speak to the SecNav. Gibbs. Harris said so." She put him through immediately. "Sir, I'm here with one of the Harris's. Their car just got blown up, it looks like there's a conspiracy going on, and it involves NID and that project they handed stuff back to. Yes he would. Here. Parking lot, sir. No, the other went home."
"He's talking to some former poker buddies," 2 admitted. He took the phone. "May I?" he asked Gibbs. Who grunted but nodded. "Sir. 2." He grinned. "Yes. He's at the bar being his Rambo self. Trust. Rogue NID and others. Yup, them. I have no idea. I don't really care. And I'm about to lose my temper. You can have them if you want." He beamed. "I'm here at NCIS, sir. Thanks." He hung up and handed it back. "He'll come get the information since it's not quite something we can stop." He found Tony staring at him and let him see.
"Crap," he muttered. "I looked up that project earlier."
"Yup. Against them, doesn't like us..... Probably hates Cleveland like hell."
"Save all that down."
"Did." He pointed at the stick drive.
"Twice?"
"Yup. Or so." He beamed. "I was going to send it to that general too if he didn't."
"He hopefully will." He patted him on the back. "Calm down. Where's your nicer half?"
"Bar."
"Why?" Tony demanded calmly.
"Being his Rambo self to find out if it related to our past lives."
"Where? We'll need to get a statement from him."
He thought at him. "Oh, he's heading home now. He said he'll be at the apartment in twenty minutes and he has some more information on this pitiful party."
"Can you two do the telepathy thing?" Gibbs asked quietly.
"Mostly. We're a lot like one person in two bodies really," he admitted with a grin. "1, the other one, is the more shy side, the more artistic side, and he's also the Rambo, temperish side. I'm the more tough, confident, macho side. Which is why it's great when he goes Rambo and loses his temper. Cleveland's not going to have shit going on for weeks because of this." He sighed at the end. "Anyway," he decided. Someone was stomping their way. "Who in the fuck are you?"
"Mr. Harris, I'm here to take you into protective custody."
Xander snorted. "The nice one is already at home, dude. I don't hide from anyone and I don't know you or trust you. If I need that protected, I have a company with some pretty good safety measures and I can go camp in my damn office." The agent looked horrified. He beamed. "Yeah, we're the head of SI Corp." The agent moaned. "So, no, I don't need protective custody, thanks anyway."
"My bosses...."
"I just found a conspiracy group that probably wants our weapons. What makes you think I'd trust a conveniently placed agent who shows up after an issue?" The agent gave him a horrified look. "For that matter, I don't give a damn what you want. Someone comes at me and I'll make them miserable then hand them to one of these two," he said with a point. "Since I'm interning in my ballistics program here at the moment. Now, anything else?" he asked more genteelly.
"Sir, it's not really an option."
"I'm pretty sure we can handle it," Gibbs said firmly. "We are agents as well."
"You're not the right sort of agent, sir," he said.
"Really? And yet the president trusts Gibbs here to guard his ass." The agent went pale. The Secretary of the Navy's car pulled up. "You know what, you can argue with him," he said with a point. "I sometimes listen to him." He handed over the computer to the SecNav when he came over. "Them?"
He looked, and groaned. "I had hints of something like this." He looked at the agent hovering behind the boy. "Who's that?"
"He never produced ID, just said I was going into protective custody."
"No, not with anyone you don't trust, Xander." He looked it over again, pointing at the stick drive, getting a nod. "I'll share it with that general too so you don't have to, son."
"If it's not them, let me know. Oh, our Mossad guy?"
"No idea why he's still free," he admitted. "I'll ask about that too." He looked at them. "Gibbs, he's yours, treasure him for now. Don't let him drive you nuts." He looked at the boy. "Your other half?"
"Home now. He went to the bar, he has some info too I think."
"Good. Let them handle this."
"We can help. Or maybe Giles and the girls who want to help can help."
"I might ask them," he admitted. "I want you two safe. You're too damn important sometimes with what you build."
"I gave Abby a tracer round," he said with a grin.
"I'll make sure others know it's in play." He got back in.
Xander looked at the agent. "See, he said no." He tried to walk around him but the guy grabbed him and that was a huge ass mistake. Xander proved it by kicking his ass. When the guy was moaning loudly on the ground, holding his right side's collarbone, arm, and ribs, he leaned down. "What was that?" he asked with a feral smile. "You wanted what?"
"You'll be ours," he hissed.
Xander kicked him in the left side, just about where his liver is. "Sure I will be. Sir?" The SecNav got out. "He just said I'll be his in the plural sense."
"Good! Get him into the car, boys. Let's see if he's related to this stupidity he found." The man moaned and struggled but Xander got him by the throat and stared him down. He looked away and went limp, getting into the car. "Rest, Xander." He stared at him. "For now."
"They're getting me up their nose."
"Good." He smirked as he got in to handle this idiot. Jack should help him.
Xander stared at the damage. "Damn it, now we'll have to argue over another car." He pouted, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping a foot. Gibbs stopped right in front of him so he scowled. "There's a group of rogue NID idiots who have started a conspiracy against a highly classified, president's knowledge only, project," he said quietly, staring at him. "They were the same people that we gave those weapons back to."
Gibbs nodded once. "So they came after you two because of that hand-back?"
"That and we're doing some pretty fantastic shit." He sighed. "People like that may not like our past. I doubt they'd like the Council." He walked off. "Let me head home to calm us both down."
"Freeze," Tony ordered. "I'm going too. Boss?"
"McGee, go with them." He jogged to catch up and Tony got them into his Mustang after checking it over for more explosives. He stomped back and the Director was glaring at him. "Rogue NID programs?"
"Who?" she demanded.
"NID are idiot scientists that like to torture," a female voice said off to their right. They turned to look at her. "They've attacked us in the group before because we stopped some of their plans. If they're part of this, X is going to make them bloody."
"Who're you?" Gibbs asked calmly.
"Faith. I got the go-ahead to come down from Cleveland to watch over them. From afar." She smirked. "I've been in town now for months. They all think the guys are helpless but some of us know that they're just pissy sometimes." She shrugged. "If they're at home, they're five-by-five for right now. If their tempers come out? There's gonna be carnage." She looked at Gibbs. "I've been told I can tell *you* about the last time they've run into us and why. It may help. Not real sure."
"They found a conspiracy of former NID people," Gibbs said.
"They're all fucking morons who like to torture and maim in the name of science." She shrugged. "Former or present. They should all be put down like the rabid things they are." She stared at him. "You wanna clue or not?"
"Definitely." He walked her off to hear that report. She had forms and tape to back it up.
***
Gibbs showed up at the boys' apartment a few hours later, finding them with pizza, a few car magazines, and McGee being nervous. "I ran into Faith," he said when he was let in.
"We saw her," the twins said, looking up at him.
"Kinda hard not to when she's in our gym class," 1 agreed. "How is she?"
"You guys trust Miller after that?"
"Slightly," 2 admitted. "He did stick up for Finn going against them. He's not related to the group like Finn was but we know he won't turn on us unless we're dangers to everyone. It lets his people be less worried about us and us know what they're doing too. That way Cleveland knows what they're doing."
Gibbs stood in front of them. "What the hell is up with Cleveland?"
"International Council of Watchers," 1 said quietly, staring at him.
"I've heard mentions of them in the last few hours."
"They're not the original group out of England. Those guys got blown up and Giles reformed them."
"Uh-huh. What are they over?"
"One mystically chosen female warrior at a time, though we've had a lot of them called in the last few years due to a problem that required all of them to be there."
Gibbs stared. "What the hell do you two deal with?"
"Tony?" 2 asked.
"Boss, you'll be horrified," he admitted.
"Are they killing people?" he demanded.
"No. C'mon, let's go to the bar where he went earlier." 2 nodded, getting up and grabbing a jacket so they could go together. Gibbs noticed he grabbed a stake and a knife and handed Tony one. They headed down and Gibbs was about ready to explode. So when they brought him into the bar, he wasn't ready for the staring demons. Tony waved. "This is my boss, Gibbs, people. He just got introduced to this life because some rogue NID idiots are going after the Harris's." Most of the bar shuddered at that. "We'd like any information you find out by the way."
"What about that special program?" one asked. "They're really after their toys."
"We heard," Tony admitted. "So when we handed some back, they went after the boys." That got a few nods. "We'll hand it on if it's not pertinent to us."
"Sure," that one said. "He's growly. They might like that."
"Faith did," Tony said dryly. "Boss, welcome to the world of demons. Over half the ones in here are peaceful. Some of them want to take over the world. A few aren't nice species. Some of them eat flesh and don't want to really harm people to get it so they eat out of hospital refuse. Most of them just want to hide and live. Girls like Faith are watched and trained by Watchers to take out the ones who aren't peaceful." Gibbs looked at him. "It's their duty. They're given special gifts of faster healing, more stamina, that stuff."
"The duty sucks ass but the old Council is no more and we're a lot more hands on with the girls and protective of them," Xander told him simply. "Before they were a tool. Now, they're soldiers. They get support, training, back up, all that. Our former job was backing up girls like Faith in Sunnydale. Specifically Buffy, though when Kendra was there we backed her up, when Faith was there we backed her up...." He waved a hand. "We spent time in Africa training a few girls when they were called so they wouldn't get dead. That is the prime rule of the council, do not get dead. There is no dying without permission and we don't give permission."
"All this has been going on for years without people noticing?"
"Gibbs, girls like Faith started back when we were in caves painting stick buffaloes," Xander said gently. "The first one was back that far and the Council was about there then. Then the old line got blown up during an apocalypse attempt. The same one that ended up sinking Sunnydale. We moved to the next open spot with all the girls. Which is in Cleveland." A few hooted at that. "They're handling it there and wherever problems occur."
Gibbs swallowed, walking over to one to poke at his horns and head ridges. The demon let him and Xander gave him a twinkie from his pocket when Gibbs moved on. Gibbs finally looked at him. "Those beings on the tapes Faith had?"
"Different species found around Sunnydale. Some harmless, some not. What they did was wrong so we fucking shut them down as a team," Xander said simply. "Especially after they got one of our own." Gibbs nodded once at that. "Which is why we don't really *like* Miller and we don't fully trust him, but we trust him enough to be the plant that we know is there. Better than Finn since we still want to kick his ass after he cheated on Buffy then ran away and got married suddenly."
"To who he was cheating with?" Gibbs asked.
"Nope. He was letting vamps feed on him for the adrenaline rush." He snapped a finger and a vampire sighed but went to game face. "Vampires. What the girls like Faith mostly deal with outside of apocalypse attempts."
Gibbs stared at him, poking the ridges and checking the teeth. "Not like Abby's?"
"She knows," Tony admitted. "A few of the higher Masters know her and would adore having her but she's kept it to herself over the years. It was watching these two save her six from a demon on a base that led to me knowing these two."
Gibbs stared at the boy. "How many?"
"Vampires? Ummmmmm....." He considered it. "Patrolling was at least four nights a week for seven years, plus Africa...."
"He's officially credited with about 800 vampire kills and about seventy-five demon kills on his own," the bartender told him. "All of them dangerous. There was one that was only annoying but it was trying to marry him." Xander glared. "Not Anya. Sweet."
"Buffy made him go."
"You summoned him." Xander smirked. "Oh, shit." He nodded. "Well......"
"Shoplifting phase too," he sighed. "That does not get back."
"Of course not. We like her." He looked at Gibbs. "Harris has always done what's necessary, Gibbs. That's why his title is the White Knight." Xander bowed and smirked. "And Tony's is usually 'call the knights to come save the dumbass'." He looked at Gibbs again after Tony smirked at that name and Xander bopped him on the arm. "Most of us just want to live, work, and be free. Honestly. That's why I run a bar. I couldn't stand being in the IRS. It was driving me to blood lust some days."
Gibbs let out a small cough to not laugh. "You're a tax guy?"
"No, I'm an accountant." He smirked. "I do a lot of taxes for demons."
"Does the government know?"
"If they didn't before, they did after the Initiative." Xander nodded at that, leaning against an empty chair. "Then Sunnydale imploded with an apocalypse that they stopped. Things moved to Cleveland and a lot of offices in that city got moved or got beefed up with stronger agents. The FBI office there and the Homeland office there are both a lot tighter and full of 'we'll kill it for you' types."
"Please tell me they thought ahead about how to evacuate?" Tony asked.
"From what we heard, they did," Xander agreed. "If something like the First Evil shows up again, they've got it covered." That got a nod from Tony. "So, Gibbs. Welcome to one of the things the rogue NID idiots are trying to take out and get tech and other things from. They have a council that wants to take any future tech, any higher tech, and own it all."
"And you have access to some?" Gibbs guessed.
"Some demons are very advanced and we're really good at what we do," Xander assured him, moving closer. "Tony hasn't even seen the slayer weapons we cooked up or all the artillery that we haven't put out yet. What started out as fixing weapons for the slayers and Giles turned into a company that's going to be buying us a new sports car soon. And I'm doing it legitimately so no pesky agents can get on my case about slayer weapons or hunting. Because they *so* do sometimes."
"Do the slayers get your other designs?"
"If they need them, that's why we keep the testing prototypes," he admitted calmly. "We'll be there to handle it and take it back. It's our duty to back them up during any apocalypse. No matter when or where."
Gibbs nodded. "I can see that that's important. Especially after that third tape that showed the town being sucked in."
"That was closing the First Evil into her hole in the hellmouth," Xander agreed. "That was the falling in of Sunnydale."
Gibbs shuddered. "I get that," he decided, looking around then at him. "This is insane."
"There's only about ten or twelve guys in here that I might ever have to hunt if they become a problem and start attacking people. We don't hurt anything that doesn't hurt someone else first. We're reactive, not proactive. The old council liked to be proactive and banded everyone a bad demon, no matter what. If the peaceful ones want to run bars, play kitten poker, whatever, we're good as long as no one's hurt. You start hunting and it's going to get our attention. Or Cleveland's attention."
"That's better than just indiscriminate hunting," he decided.
Xander smirked. "I won't say I don't come in here and vent my temper now and then on some of the less than peaceful because I have. Usually they deserve it or they wanted to beat my ass for something first."
Gibbs nodded. "I get that."
"Then let's go back to the apartment. 1's getting antsy about us being gone so long. McGee's driving him nuts being nervous." He looked around. "Remember, we want to hear about the Trust." They all nodded patiently. "Thanks for the show and tell, guys."
They all waved and relaxed again. They knew 1 had the temper but 2 had the devious and mean nature. 2 was definitely more dangerous.
Gibbs thought all the way back to the apartment, putting this new information into the right slots in his mind. Supernatural soldiers led by young girls. That had to be the worst duty ever. "The girls?" he asked once they were back and he had switched out with McGee. "Do they get a choice?"
"We do not know how they ones that get chosen do," Xander 1 told him. "All we know is that they're born marked and now called when they reach a certain age. It used to go all the way down to the age of eight. Now the bottom age is about 14 and we spend the first few years training them. The old council were jackasses that took the girls as soon as they were identified and raised them, one girl one watcher, until she died."
"So what happens if one chosen is psycho anyway?" Tony asked.
"The old council had a way of removing girls from the line. We don't know what it was. It got blown up with their building by the First's minions," 2 told them. "Right now, all girls are identified, trained, given mentors, they go out in packs of hunters usually. If they're that bad, well...."
1 sighed, looking at them. "A few we've had committed since we can't take it from them," he said softly. "A few decided they were now queen of the world and going to create an army to take over. Then someone handles it." Gibbs flinched. "We don't like that and I'd rather commit them. Because there's a chance they might straighten out and all that, or we might need them for another mass apocalypse like Sunnydale or LA's last one. The few who decided they were going to go on the old Xena plan, Finn's people handled all but two. They lost a team going at those two. A set of twins." Gibbs flinched.
"Buffy and them couldn't get any closer. The slayers can tell another now thanks to Willow. Finn wanted to go in himself but he was injured. His wife wouldn't let him take his new twenty stitches and gashed arm into the fight." Gibbs moaned. "If a slayer kills a human, it tips her balance over so much that she goes dark basically. Can't fight the urge to kill again, all that. Because hunting is killing problem beings," 1 finished.
2 nodded. "Yes it is. We came back from Africa to deal with those two, Gibbs. It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. It had to be done though before they created their own apocalypse and killed more than the three villages that had already been sacrificed to give them higher allies."
"Then we went back to our hotel, made a report, found the tequila, and lost it for about a month because we had just helped our slayer trainee protect her village from the civil war going on nearby."
"We spanked her for using a wish demon to get both sides attacked by demon warriors," 2 said dryly. "Because that's not the slayer code. Protect humanity, even the assholes who hurt others. It's not our job to see to them. The world has guys like you and Tony for that."
"So you won't branch out," Gibbs decided.
"We've had seventeen major problems in the two and a half years we've been here, Gibbs," Xander 2 told him. "We learned early on telling the girls that there's a major demon in town to warn them brought half the girls down to treat us like we're invalids and coo about us normal people, and all that, which pisses us off. So we handle things and make a report."
"The bitching is much less usually," 1 agreed. "Faith we don't mind. She's cool. She won't nag us, push us, treat us like him missing an eye makes us both incapable of doing things, doesn't go on the 'normal people can't do it' kick that the others can."
"If she needs us, she'd call," 2 added.
"Exactly," 1 agreed. "We respect all the ladies for their duty and their sacrifice. But damn some of them I want to paddle some days."
2 nodded quickly. "All too often. 'You can't do that, you're missing an eye, why don't you go research or something'," he said in a high falsetto. Tony snorted and shook his head. "You heard that."
"In person. Then you killed the demon and she huffed because you didn't let her do it," Tony agreed.
"What happens if the higher ups find out?" Gibbs asked.
"They know," Tony assured him. "After the Initiative, things got worse out there. Not to mention the full inquest that Kate helped with into their shitty program." He got up to look out a window. Something was bothering him. "Guys, I think your next girlfriend's across the street with a camera."
2 stood up and took off his shirt, staring over there. A flash clearly went off in that apartment. He smirked as he lowered the blinds. "Maybe that'll discourage her." He went to get them some more soda. "Guys, anything?"
"Start some coffee," Tony said. He shrugged and did that for him.
"Why is it their next girlfriend?" Gibbs asked Tony.
"Because those two only date evil things, boss. Serial killers, shape changers who want to kill them and others, that sort."
1 shrugged. "That's why I'm a profiler. They seem more attracted to 2 and this way I can find him easier when the next one takes him." 2 bopped him on the arm. "I can! The last one took you out to a swamp to marry you so she could torture you to death."
"Not like you date fluffy little Miss Sunshines," he shot back.
"Boys," Gibbs ordered.
"Abby and I have both jumped onto the 'go gay, boys' bandwagon, boss," Tony told him.
"Why? They're just as bad," 1 said dryly. "My last one wanted to own me. He was going to pay Giles a quarter of a mil for me, pierce me in front of him, and then take me away to his fabulous home. We gladly sicced Buffy on him," he finished with an evil smirk.
"American?" Gibbs asked.
"Yes and the FBI said he can't own people anymore when he turned himself in at Buffy's urging," 2 said, giving his twin a dirty look. "We sat there drinking floats while she nagged and yelled. Totally turned him off women ever again so his three female slaves got free."
Gibbs shook his head. "Can you two not date while you're in your internships?"
"Sure, I'll date him," 1 said with a nod at 2. "We are twins." Gibbs blushed, shaking his head, muttering to himself. He smirked at his twin. "Does that mean you're stripping tonight for my pleasure?"
"We have company. Willow's mother's manners lessons said that would mean we'd have to offer to share. I like you, really, but I doubt they want to watch."
"BOYS!" Gibbs complained.
Tony snickered. "Yup, they're like that, boss. That's why Abby loves them so much." He brought them out coffee and went back to watching outside. Their new stalker was apparently going to be insistent. She was coming across the street. "Hey, boss, found out who's taking pictures." He took a sip. "She'll be knocking in a few."
"We have building security," 1 said, calling down there. "Hey, it's Xander. We have a new wannabe girlfriend. Thanks." He hung up. "That'll stop that hopefully. Or at least frustrate her a bit." He sipped his soda, looking at his twin. "Diet? Am I getting chunky again?"
"All our regular soda had magically been changed and the twinkies magically turned into vegetables."
1 looked up at the ceiling. "PUT IT BACK, WILLOW, BEFORE I PADDLE YOUR WITCHY ASS!" he yelled, making Gibbs jump. The kitchen twinkled. Suddenly, the dishes were done, the stove was spotless, the food was back in the cabinets, and the trash was gone. "Thank you!" A plate of cookies appeared on the table with a note.
Tony read it. "Stopped Willow and made these for you two anyway," he read. "Dawn."
"Ah," they said in unison, grinning. "Dawn."
"You're insane," Gibbs said.
"Not really."
"We're just fun," they said.
"Uh-huh." Someone knocked and he went to shoo them off. "Ziva?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Did you like the shirtless piccie?" 2 asked with a grin.
"You two are not normal. Even the bugs won't work around you and that suggests radiation." She stomped in. "You're dangerous to others."
1 switched to Hebrew to introduce them properly, including city of origin. She went pale and backed up. He grinned.
2 smirked. "Yeah, we're like that. You thought adjunct personnel were just researchers?"
"There had to be a reason we liked guns so much," 1 added.She fled. They cackled and high-fived.
Gibbs looked at them. "Don't date her. I don't need to break in another probie anytime soon."
"I'm still filing down on McGee," Tony complained.
"Leave him alone," Gibbs ordered patiently. He sipped his coffee. At least the kids stocked decent coffee. "Go to bed." They fled for their bedroom. "They share?" he asked quietly.
Tony shrugged. "Not usually. They probably need some brotherly comfort tonight."
"Maybe. Who really understands twins anyway," he complained quietly. "They're not normal twins are they?" Tony shrugged. "Fine. Keep watch to make sure she doesn't come back. Do they have a bug sweeper?" Tony got it for him from the 'gear' closet. It was the least he could do since Ziva was on his team and screwing up so badly.
***
2 looked up as Miller was let into the NCIS lab. "Did you get to miss the death threats?"
"We were still there when Summers and the girls sent Sivan the tons of fabric in cute patterns with puppies, kittens, fluffy sheep, cows, and pigs, plus some more practical single color cotton yards. Yards and yards of the stuff appeared in a stack about up to my chest. She squealed in joy and the whole tribe loved her having babies and baby presents." He looked around and Xander handed him a stool to sit on. "As for the other death threats? No, we didn't miss them. We have no idea what they're after?"
"That program's stuff."
"You saw it so you're dangerous?"
"They don't really like us anyway since most of them appear to be former NID."
"Gotcha." He nodded. "Well, we'll figure that out, you know we will. I'll alert the others that NID is coming again."
"Faith shared with Gibbs."
"Charming." He stood up, staring at him. "Any other news I should hear?"
"There's new fussing over the next auction."
"Anything go wrong?"
"No. Not in the least. The tests have been wonderful. We suggested we might put in one of the apocalypse weapons. We're not sure yet."
"I'll leak the list to my contacts at the DOD to see if they're going to freak, like usual. Did DiNozzo help you two pick out a new car? We heard it blew up."
"The Trust fuckers blew it up," he corrected. "In the parking lot." Graham winced. "Which is why Faith spilled."
"That's probably a safer idea and could protect you two." He shifted. "New car?"
"Tony decided we should quit sharing one."
"Uh-huh. I've said that a few times because one of you usually has to wait."
"So he talked us into using a bit more than the pitiful insurance check to get two Saturn Sky's."
"Another sports car?" he said, thinking about it.
"Yeah, cheaper and more reasonable so we only had to put a bit of money into it. Convertible. Almost no behind seat storage area so we'll have to fudge it again." He glanced over. "The trunk is of course bigger without the roof in it." Graham smirked and nodded. "We'll have to fight over the ruby red, which is a darker, more subtle than flashy color, or the evening blue, which is a medium sky blue. Black leather seats for easy clean up."
"Those aren't ones you see with a mid-life crisis so it'll probably look good with you two." Xander beamed at him. "Remember to give the security office a copy of each set of keys."
"We are," he promised. "Anything else we need to hear right now? Xander's avoiding the blatant come-on of one of his teachers."
"I thought you drew the bad girls."
"Usually. So maybe she's psycho. Those are more his level now."
"Which teacher?"
"His humanities one." He waved a hand. "Anything else I need to hear?"
"Not yet. Let me have the list whenever you've decided." He went up to check in with Tony, who was throwing paper balls at someone else's trash can. He caught one and made a prettier shot with a smirk. "1's being hit on by one of his teachers."
"Shit," he muttered. "Which one?"
"Humanities, whichever class he's taking for that." Tony muttered something in another language. "Is the auction list done?"
"Down to three possibles." He handed it over. "I suggested that those three would more than let them buy bigger, flashier cars and make sure their insurance company paid them the full replacement cost when they switched to better coverage."
"He had to make due with cheap before," he reminded him. "Has he talked about Anya?"
"No."
"You should hear some of those stories." He looked and winced. "They wanted two of those to go away permanently. No one liked them. They decided they're too bulky and powerful."
"They were thinking about putting the main weapon onto something. They suggested a robot K-9. I suggested a UAV. Who knows."
"That might be better liked. I know the girls said they were heavy." Tony smirked. "I can see them being team mounted though. They might like that in some areas." He nodded. "Thanks. Good job on getting them to get a less carjacking car this time."
"They look hot in them and that's all that really matters."
"True." He smiled and left, heading for his office. Someone had probably screwed up paperwork on him again. They always did it to him. He came back from the elevator. "Our spies?"
"The State Department was very interested in three of them," Gibbs said, looking at him. "They wanted to deport them and ICE agreed." Graham smiled. "Including your Mossad spy. One of the corporate spies is not who you think they are. I think they lead back to another classified project but I'm not sure."
"Why?"
"I think it leads back to the one that got the handed over materials."
Graham sighed. "Kavanagh?"
"Yup. They fired him."
"I hate that dweeb. Xander wants to tie him up in a corner most of the time and use him as a target, but we need his skills with a few things."
"Hire someone better," Tony said dryly. "He's doing private experiments. He nearly blew up the secondary lab he broke into."
"Charming! He fired?"
"Tied up in a closet the last time I heard," Tony admitted.
"I'll go yell at him myself until they can get back there. Anything new from Cleveland?"
"The NID weenies, as they call them, are not happy that they're attacking back," Gibbs said. "The SecNav is pissed as hell."
"Yay. NID is a bad idea anyway, Special Agent Gibbs. The whole agency." He got onto the elevator when it came the next time and headed for the lab. Maybe he could find those classified people and make them take back their own idiot? Or treat him like a space chimp? That could work. He got there and the guard hugged him. "I saw the boys. Kavanagh?"
"Closet three, Miller." He grinned. "Waiting on you."
"Yay," he said flatly. "He touch any of the special weapons or prototypes?"
"No. His math is flawed too. Even I can see that."
"Wonderful!" He walked that way humming a catchy tune he had heard on the way there, pausing to pull the putz out of the closet. The guy looked horrible. Apparently everyone had forgotten him. He took him to the bathroom to clean up then gave him the lecture from hell and the dressing down too. The guy only pouted. "What?" he finally asked. "Are you deaf?"
"My last boss did it so much better," he sneered.
"Apparently he needed to bend you over a table and beat your ass too." He called someone. "Sir, Miller. Come get your whiny ass science plant. Kavanagh. Now please." He hung up and glared at him. "The boys will see you skinned if you hurt their lab."
"They don't have any business," he started.
Graham burst out laughing. "It's their company. Yes they do." Someone stomped in and he waved a hand. "I know he's yours. He's a fucking idiot. He's been in a closet for the last few days since he tried to blow up the boy's special lab."
The SecNav looked at the idiot. "Where did he come from?"
"He's the Area 51 plant as far as we can tell." Kavanagh huffed and glared. "He told me I couldn't yell nearly as well as his last boss either."
"If he's who I think he is, it's possible. That man's a super genius and majored in berating minions." He walked him off. "Thank you, Miller."
"Welcome." He waved and closed out the guy's file. They were going to have to hire a lot of people sometime soon. Especially when they moved the company.
***
1 lost the coin toss so he had to go meet the people security said were coming in. "What's up?" he asked them.
"Is that how you greet guests?" the military guy said.
"Yeah, it is. Because it's nearly the middle of the night and you took me from making more drool worthy artillery. So? What did you guys want?"
"The idiot you fired earlier's research," the doctor with the glasses from a few nights before said as he walked around the overprotective people. "Dealing with him was not how I wanted to spend my vacation either," he admitted with a smile.
Xander grinned. "At least we're scenic." He nodded. "I can show you his area. He's supposedly not allowed to bring shit home." He walked him that way. "So, did it work once you got it back?"
"It did. What are you two doing now?" he asked, smiling some. He did like the twins.
"We're taking some of our former anti-apocalypse stuff and putting it on UAV and things." He pointed. "Second desk." They went to look. "Though I know he's been doing stupid shit on his walls at home. We had to cart him home when he decided to get drunk on the anniversary of being kicked off his last job."
"We saw," the doctor said with a smile. "He's in trouble for that too." Xander nodded, hopping up onto a work table.
"Should you be doing that?" the military guy in the lead asked.
"Dude, it's half my company. I can sit anywhere I damn well please as long as someone's not there and doesn't want me in their lap," he said, talking down to him. The other military guys laughed. "Why did you guys bring the suit? We're not that mean. We're actually pretty nice guys if you ask."
"I know, he insisted," the last time's military guy said. "Anything, Doc?"
"Many things he carted off his last job."
Xander snickered. "He was babbling when he was drunk too." He pointed at the safe. "Pop it if you want. It's not open right now and it's his. We put the tape he was making of his notes while drunk in there." The nicer military guy got that. "So, why did we earn a plant from Area 51 anyway?" The suit military guy stiffened. "Dude, I already know. Both of us do because the NID was really pissed when our former group took down one of their projects that those bozos out there were sponsoring."
The doctor looked at him. "Which program?"
"Initiative."
"They were fired and all got snatched by NID," he admitted. "The people at Area 51 were not pleased."
"We weren't pleased when they were harming harmless beings that way. Especially when one kept ending up on my couch."
"That would bother us too." He finished his search, putting everything into a paper bag for his military guy. "Let me see this new design?"
He thought at his twin, who kicked the apocalypse vault shut. "Sure. He's got the apocalypse vault of test models shut." He hopped down and walked him that way. "You, sit, stay," Xander ordered the suit. "I know where you came from." The man gasped and he pulled out his earpiece. "Our security did figure out who you were, dude. So sit and stay. There. Right there." He activated the defense system to freeze him and walked him and the other military guy off. "You're so much nicer, Colonel."
"You guys scanned us and looked up our ID's?" he asked casually.
Xander smirked. "Do you think we let just anyone walk in here and see things?"
"No," he admitted but he was smiling. "Nice system by the way."
"Thank you. A bit star trek but oh well. We are geeks." He let them into the back lab. "How's it going?"
"The wiring's not wanting to merge but I think I can use a connector system for easy install and replacement."
"If we could figure that out it'd be easier."
The doctor walked over, pushing his glasses up his nose. "What does this one do?"
Xander 2 reconnected three things as they walked to the firing range, getting the last one in there. He put on the outside panel and handed it over after flipping off the security setting and the safety, then putting the power source back in. "There you go, try it." He grinned and got out of the way. "Colonel, away from the exhaust end."
He moved too and watched the doctor look it over before firing it. The compact missile looked pretty coming out and created a hell of a mess on the back, brick wall. It had very tiny pieces. "How big is the payload?"
"That's just our tester rocket. If they wanted to up the payload they could," 1 told him, looking and finding another rocket. "These are the bigger version of that tester rocket. The people who looked it over didn't like the original size. They said they couldn't get enough power out of it or this one. I told them they were thinking with the wrong sort of explosive."
They looked them over. "It's a bit bulky to be hand-held," he said, looking it over. "Why all the wiring?"
"It also comes with a drop and remote send feature," 2 told him with a grin. "Which is why we were going to attach it to a UAV if we can get the wiring to mesh."
He nodded. "That's not a bad idea," he admitted. "How would it do in a sub-atmosphere environment?"
"We haven't tested this UAV that high up. None of us can get access to do that. It is a neater UAV then some others. It's a bit lighter, a bit more compact." 1 answered the phone in there when it rang.
2 took them back to look at it. "It's got the standard filming capabilities, though that probably could be updated some, and it's a lot lighter to fly. Which might put it at the mercy of wind sheers, but with the weapon on it it'd be easier. It's going to be harder to spot on radar since it's the size of a big bird."
Doctor Zalenka looked it over. "That is compact. All the standard things one consider's necessary for UAV's."
1 walked in. "Sorry, I've got to take some samples to NCIS for a few minutes. They're arguing over who should have what plans from one of our buyers that got someone arrested." He opened the vault and walked in.
Radek glanced in there. "Oh, my."
Xander grinned. "It's our tester vault, Doctor Zalenka. It's usually more sealed than it is now. We had it partially open while working."
"It is very heavy with weapons. May I?"
1 shrugged. "I don't care if my less evil clone doesn't." He came out with two cases and went to get a third, carrying them all to the corporate car. They wouldn't fit in his new sports car. He came back to get a few power packs and walked off shaking his head. "Len, taking the corporate mobile," he reported as he walked past him.
"Hunting, Xander?"
"Yup." They hadn't been able to hide that from him when he had followed them one night. "Huge ass thing just appeared by GWU." He waved and walked out to get in and go handle it. Faith had called this time, it was a bad sign. He got there and found police having a hissy. He rolled down his window and produced his NCIS ID. "The young woman called." He got pushed through and got out. "Faith, come help carry." She got free of the Feds and came over. "What is it?"
She pointed. "I have no clue. You hang out with more demons."
Xander called the bar. "Did any of you guys want Godzilla's purple brother? Yeah, like a kid between Godzilla and Barney purple. Thanks, dude." He sighed. "See the head?"
"It's damn small," she admitted.
"Yeah it is." He looked. "Can we lure it?"
"So far it likes cute girls."
"Good, go get some of the wastes of air in a sorority to lead it somewhere we won't do any building damage by accident," he said. He gave her two cases and carried the other with him. "Gibbs!" he shouted, spotting him. "Come help. We need to lure the fucker somewhere safer."
"We're luring it this way, kid. What the hell?"
"You think we didn't keep tester models for apocalypses?" he asked dryly. They flipped open cases. "Since you're here," he said, handing him one after checking it over and putting in a power cell. "Fires multiple times. It's an energy weapon, has a small kick," he warned.
"I feel like I'm MIB," Faith joked.
"I can buy you a black suit," he offered dryly. "I hate suits." He got hers then his checked and powered. "Faith, single shot, powerful. Missile." She nodded. He walked off with his over his shoulder, going to stare at the thing. "Yo, come here!" he shouted, thinking 'tasty hellmouth kid' vibes. The demon sniffed and lumbered their way. "Gee, just like home." He waited until there wasn't a building behind him to fire. "Head, Gibbs." They all fired on the head. It went sploosh and had to get out of the way when the demon fell. Xander stared. "Anyone got some lighter fluid?" he asked. The agents all stared at him. "Hi, from Sunnydale." Most of them took a few steps back. "Intern now." He beamed. He patted himself down. "Gibbs." He switched weapons with him by force and used it at a broader setting to burn the corpse. "There, now all they need is a shovel," he decided, walking back to the cases. He put them all away, taking the one Faith was petting. "We're testing more stuff next week, Faith. Ask."
"Thanks, X." She helped him get it back to the car. "Thanks for that," she said quietly.
"It would've come for me sometime," he quipped, making her laugh. "Don't forget, test in the class with the psycho teacher."
"How do you know?" Gibbs asked a bit too calmly.
"Because 2 got all the bad girl magnet skills. I get the psycho chicks who think they're going to be a goddess." He shrugged and slid behind the wheel, heading back to the company. He sighed as he walked in with the cases, putting them in the office so they could be cleaned and rearmed. He put the power cells back on the charger in case then went to clean up. "It's fixed," he called as he walked past the lab. The general was still frozen in the middle of the other work area so they were still there.
"Good to know," 2 called back. "Should we hide?"
"Gibbs was there."
"Yay," he said without enthusiasm. "Sorry, my Daria moment for the day," he said dryly, cracking the colonel up.
1 shook his head. "You'd make a better girl anyway."
"Shut up! Asshole!"
1 leaned in with an evil smirk. "You are the less evil one. The bad boys all hit on you anyway." He walked off before his other half could throw something at him.
"Sometimes I think the bad mental image trait stayed with him," he sighed. He turned and shut the vault completely and covered it back up too. Gibbs was let in and he waved. "Hey, boss. Just showing this nice scientist a few things."
"Apocalypse vault?" he demanded.
Xander stared at him. "Tester models," he said dryly. Gibbs growled. "Has to happen sometimes. Or didn't you get into that file from LA?"
"I did."
"So yeah, tester models. Safely sealed."
"I want to know."
"Gibbs, we're a privately owned weapons design company," he pointed out dryly. "You have no right to know." Gibbs glared. He stared back. "I've seen worse." Gibbs huffed off. "We like you but that only goes to someone we're hitting on," he called after him. "And you two because we like you guys and your project." He called Abby from the lab phone. "You might tell him if he pisses us off that way, we'll be moving and won't let him in the lab plus we'll steal Tony. Remember, 1's the nice one." He hung up. "Sorry, we're interning at NCIS and suddenly they think we owe them." He smirked. "Sealed files and all."
"I've had that happen," the Colonel admitted. "What happens if someone breaks in?"
"All hell breaks loose and a lot of shit they don't want to deal with starts." He sighed. "Let me answer that." He walked out to the entry. "Yes, Agents Taking My Time From Work?" he demanded.
"Sir, your twin showed up with artillery at something. You can't have that in the city."
Xander pointed at the company title. "We design artillery, idiot. Duh! Do you think we don't have to build a tester model?" The agent backed up. "Len, just get someone to come eat them or something. If I wanted to deal with a stupid bitch, I'd go date." He walked off. One of the agents tried to stop him but he got frozen too. Xander looked at their horrified janitor. "If you want to eat them, go for it."
"My kind don't eat flesh."
"Pity. Maybe Willow can turn them into what you guys do eat?"
"She may if she gets upset."
"True. Is that a bad thing?"
The janitor stared at him. "You had more morals before you were split."
"I know." He smirked. "I hate stupid people." He glared back at the agents then at his guard. "Freeze them if more idiots show up."
"Yes, sir."
"Call whoever over there and tell them that their agents were stupid so they can come collect them too." He went back to the tester lab. "Fucking morons."
The doctor pushed his glasses back up his nose again. "Sometimes they have to be nosy for everyone's own good."
Xander looked at him. "They protested that we can't have artillery."
"You guys design artillery," the colonel pointed out.
"Yes and they looked confused when I said that. They have a union of little, squishy amoeba for brains and apparently half went on strike." Doctor Zalenka burst out laughing at that. "It seems like it."
"I have not heard it put that way. I'll have to remember that insult." Xander grinned at that compliment.
1 came out. "I think they're all up there walking a picket line anyway." He sighed as he walked out to deal with the higher ups of the idiots. "These fine, stupid, non-moral agents just told us that we can't design artillery?" he asked the head agent.
"From what I searched on the way over, that's your company's job, sir."
"Yes, it is. They told us we can't have those."
"You can't bring them out into the open," he corrected.
"Sure, next time you guys deal with the creature." He stared at him, hands on his hips.
"Sir, where are you from?"
"Sunnydale," he said with a bright, smartass grin.
"Ah!" He nodded quickly. "Shouldn't you be in Cleveland?"
"They're having another 'no normal people' moment. So we're going to college and doing this. We're interning at NCIS right now."
"Oh! I heard rumors about you two." He smirked. "Can we have them?"
"If I release them it'll release the idiot general too," Len told them.
"He'll be disoriented. They can drop him off too," Xander promised.
"Bad customer?" the higher up guessed.
"No. He came with two people from a special operations project that we like to look at something someone else did. He's got the same strike going on in his head from the brain cells."
"Ah. Sure, we can take him for a bit, but he might come back."
"Live action target," he said dryly. "Go ahead, Len." They got unfrozen. Xander got the general and handed him over. "Here you go." He'd ignore the old guy's confused look. "Take them, please."
"Of course. Though we would like to know what models you haven't sold off."
"We have an ultra-secure vault, really," he said dryly. "Everything in there is so secure only the two of us can get into it."
"Someone can't break in?"
"No. And the minions don't know where it is. They only know what room it's in."
"That's reasonable I suppose." He walked his people out and got them going. Then he came back to ask more questions about their security system. He wanted to make sure no one else could steal anything. That would be dangerous and then they'd have to arrest those two. With the way their files read 'do not touch' he wasn't sure he wanted that risk. The vault they had might even stand up to bombing. It was nice of them to protect the city that way.
***
1 walked into his internship the next morning and sighed when the Director met him in the lobby. "Yes, Director?"
"You pulled out artillery," she said bluntly. "To handle something."
He stared at her. "We do design artillery, Director. It's not like I have to go buy it." He walked around her and went to the lab. "Abby."
"You look tired."
"I was up until three this morning explaining to a head agent about how great our security system was." He put on his lab coat, finding the lifesavers his twin had left him. "I'm about at the point where if people keep bothering us about designing artillery I'm taking our company to another country." The director backed out and left with a huff. "So, work?" he asked.
She patted him on the arm. "Calm down."
"Hell no," he snorted. "I'm fine, they're overreacting."
"It was a very big godzilla knockoff," she offered.
He grinned and nodded. "It was. Yeah." He bounced over to the work area. "So, no work?"
"I'm running it. It's pretty quiet after last night."
"I don't know why they didn't bring their own toys."
"They probably wanted to capture it and examine it."
"That way leads back down the dark path," Xander said dryly. "No way in hell while one of us that remembers is alive."
"Good point." She patted him on the arm. Gibbs walked in. "See, he's here."
"He's late."
"He got stopped and the car searched, yet again, by the gate," Xander said dryly. "Because, ya know, I bring the tester vault with me to work." He yawned. "Anyway." Abby grinned. "What's up, boss?"
Gibbs stared at him. "People are very upset that a civilian brought artillery."
"Faith called."
"That's not a good excuse, kid."
Xander pulled out his wallet and held up an ID. "It's my job to handle that shit, Gibbs, and you can tell them that."
Gibbs looked at it, then sighed. "I'll pass along that you're in town to handle that."
"No, we're here because all the girls got on another 'no normal people allowed to help' kick," he said dryly. "So Giles sent us to college."
"People are wondering how two young guys of your age, who aren't supposed to know too much about artillery without any military experience, work history in another design company, or even classes in it, do," Gibbs said, staring him down.
"Then say Sunnydale and that I was the weapons master out there." He put his Council ID back. "Though the answer of 'council' should satisfy most of that. If they get really pushy, snark back that I sucked up someone's memories," he said dryly. "That should satisfy most of them."
"How many tester models do you have?"
"We keep the original model on everything we make in case we want to refer back to it, redesign something we didn't like, or are asked to put something onto a UAV or make it so it can be vehicle mounted. We have been asked a few times."
"That's not a bad answer. How many?"
"Every single one, Gibbs."
"You've sold twelve designs with the last set," he said calmly. "None of the ones last night came from those."
Xander smirked. "We do design and decide it's not a good idea. For every design that goes out, we probably build and test another four and decided not to build at least two more because we didn't like them."
"Huh." He stared at him. "The power systems?"
"Power cells. Rechargeable."
"I see." He stared the boy down, watching him sit on a stool. "You look very unconcerned for someone who pulled out artillery in DC. There should be agents jumping down your throat."
"We've already talked to a senior FBI guy, a senior ATF guy, and now you. Frankly, all but the ATF guy knew the Council and decided that was enough of an answer, because who else handles things like that. The ATF guy got into the files and realized what me being from Sunnydale meant and decided we were insane but right to have handled it."
"Faith nearly got arrested for handling it."
"Then Giles would've been on someone's ass later on," Xander pointed out. "Heavily. With the Council's army of lawyers." Gibbs nodded at that. "Every single government in the world knows what the Council is and does, Gibbs. Even if they won't admit it. It's what let the old council sneak in and get the girls for training. Or set up points to handle future emergencies. The US government doesn't want to admit it but they know. Especially after the Initiative and then Sunnydale falling in due to an apocalypse that we stopped, and then the invasion in LA."
"There's no invasion in LA," Abby said.
"They blocked it out," Gibbs said. "He wasn't there."
"We were in Africa and no one called," Xander said bluntly. "Or I would've been there with weapons." Abby frowned at him. "They cut off all news sources, Abby. The moment it started, LA went to a loop and got shut down for about two days. No one outside of LA knew anything. Then normal people syndrome kicked in and it became 'oh, that was a bad movie scene, look how much damage it did'."
"Of course it did. Normal people don't want to deal with that," she agreed. "What happened to Sunnydale?"
"To finish closing her portal, Spike went back into the hellmouth and it closed when he died the first time."
She sighed. "Then the hellmouth sucked." He nodded. "What if it hadn't stopped?"
"We would've still been fighting the First," he said quietly. "Same as we were then."
She looked around. "She has bugs everywhere."
"I naturally jam most bugs and I brought in a jammer a few days back," he said with a point at it. "I hate nosy people who don't know what they're getting into."
"What if that fails? Because I know she has one that does work around here somewhere."
Xander grinned. "Then she can follow me to the club some night and find out what's going on the same way you did," he said simply. Gibbs winced and hissed, shaking his head. "Exactly. Or she can call Giles in Cleveland." He shrugged. "It's nice he hasn't chewed on us yet. Faith either as far as we know."
"That is a good thing," Gibbs agreed. "Does that mean he's going to be showing up?"
"Maybe. Not real sure." He spun around to get back to work. "Beyond that, I'm more the soldier one of us two and 2's more the lover. That's how the split worked," he said with a wink at Abby. She swatted him but handed him some files they had to track down. He got into that.
Gibbs went to report. Having the boy here meant he was monitored and the other one was being followed to classes. Only agents and military people should have artillery in DC. Or anywhere really. He went up to talk to the head of the ATF, who was cooperating for a change. "Well?"
He cleared his throat. "He's right, we do know the Council. It's one of the things every single federal director gets told upon taking their seat. In the file are videos from prior heads of their department focusing more on their areas." He grimaced. "He is a member?"
"Adjunct as he puts it. The girls don't want anyone non-gifted."
"I'd say those two were gifted," he said dryly.
"We know they make them weapons."
"Oh, we know," he said dryly. "We caught one being sent up to them. We personally made sure it got to them." Gibbs nodded at that. "Do they have any agents in their staff? Usually the people like this get at least one."
"They have a Graham Miller, who I don't personally like," he admitted. "And they now have an XO in my senior agent, DiNozzo, to handle all of Miller's paperwork."
The head of the ATF stood up. "Good. How did they know artillery? The old council was mostly anti-gun."
"I don't know," he admitted. "He said..."
"I heard. The one bug does work as long as it's not in close proximity to him. I'd like to know why."
"I'd like to have the boys' history," he said dryly. "Something's fishy."
Faith snickered from her seat. "According to B, that's not that far off." She smirked. "You can tell them that Tweedy already called to bitch me a new one. They're off the hook for dealing to me."
"I will. One's in the lab."
She smirked. "That's a much longer story as I heard it, Gibbs. Only the ones there know. Miller figured it out I think but not fully."
Tony leaned in. "I know. I heard through the grapevine after I ran into them on a hunt and they saved my butt. Boss, Director's going down to bother him again."
The head of the ATF went down with Gibbs. He walked in. "ID?" he asked the boy. The boy pulled out his Council ID. He looked at it and nodded. "Adjunct?"
"Normal people shouldn't help," he mimicked. "They're fragile and we have to keep saving you. Leave the slaying to the slayers, Xander."
"Ah." He handed it back. "Sometimes people like that are a pain in the ass."
"Yeah, I call them that too sometimes." He put his ID back and looked at him. "It was Council business. I was shocked that you didn't have any already."
"We were going to capture it."
"After the Initiative, none of us would ever let any, even the worst things, into experimental hands."
"I get that," he assured him, staring him down. "We would like to know how you know weapons so well."
"I sucked up a few memories here and there," he said dryly.
"Director, give us a minute," he ordered.
"No."
He waved and two of his agents dragged her out. He looked at the boy. "Really?"
"Really. Chaos sorcerer had us possessed by our costumes one Halloween."
He winced. "That's bad."
"He was a PFC and on his way up." He nodded at that. "Then I had to get some and I went looking online. I'm really shocked no one caught that."
"They probably did but it was erased by a plant of the old Council."
"Probably. I know the present head watcher for Africa was a computer tech in the FBI."
"Then yes, it was probably him, Mr. Harris. How are there two of you?"
"Toth's hammer."
"Is that a weapon?"
"To split really strong beings so they can be killed easier."
"Oh."
"Fortunately that clause was negated," he said dryly.
"Even better." He stared at him. "Can we put one of our people on your staff?"
"Isn't Miller enough? Really?"
"Who is he with?"
"Whoever in the DOD he answers to since he was former Initiative. He at least helped turn on them."
He considered it. "I'll see if I can move him from there to Homeland. That may be the only director that doesn't realize what the council does."
"He did when the LA invasion happened," he pointed out.
"Good point." He nodded. "I'll see if I can get one of mine with some sense."
"Dawn's threatened to come be our secretary," he said when Faith came in.
"Little D would freak at the freedom from her sister."
Xander shrugged. "I'm still a strict big brother."
"Good point. She going to school?"
"Yup, and they consider her normal too, even though all of the witchy stuff is in her."
"Fuck," Faith sighed. "Yeah, we can cushion that."
"Thanks." He looked at the head of the ATF. "If you do, make it someone I can hit on?" he asked dryly.
"Want to move to Denver?"
"We're thinking about moving the company based on where we end up after our after-school residencies. Why Denver?"
"We have a team that won't blink at anything, are just as hardasses, and do just as many stupidly brave things as you do, Harris."
"Any gay?"
"Don't know. I know you'd drive them insane."
"It'll be about two years before we're done with our after-school thing."
"So maybe?"
"We'll consider it. Tony can telecommute."
"We'll keep tabs on things through DiNozzo for now. That way we know if you have problems with someone trying something."
"Miller had been tracking our other spies but Tony got them arrested and mostly deported with Gibbs."
"Good! We like that. I'll gather those two and talk to them about what sort of monitoring we'd like. We know the Defense Department's is strict on who you can and can't sell to but we hate some of the companies on their safe list. Would that work?"
"We want to stay within the legal limits unless something happens, sir."
"Excellent." He held out a hand and Xander shook it. "Tell your other half all that and we'll meet tomorrow?"
"He's got internship hours tomorrow. I'll be at the lab all day. Oh, we do have a special operations project that we like."
"I don't care, son. They're government and we know you won't be giving anything to some assholes. That bomb?"
"Some conspiracy group called The Trust. They seem to be techno raiders and wanting to hold a grip on it. Fanatics with super guns and delusions of being Bill Gates basically."
"Hmm. I'll talk to someone about them."
"Tony has the list of who we found was theirs. A lot are former NID."
"That's bad. We'll see what we can do." He left with a smile for Faith.
Faith shrugged. "Got me out of bed."
"I was up until three talking to agents," he admitted. He yawned again. "So when we move are you going with us?"
"Gotta finish the degree. Tweedy said so. By the way, he chewed me a new one already so you two probably won't get it."
"I can't believe they think Dawn is normal."
"Not with the way she gets kidnaped," she agreed. "Let me go back to bed."
"Happy sleeps, Faith." She walked out, going home. 2 was conveniently there to give her a ride. She liked that about them. 1 looked at Abby. "I won't nap."
"You can make it up since we don't have anything right now." He grinned and took her farting hippo into the office to nap in her chair. She grinned at the cute picture, taking one of him once he was asleep. He was such an adorable warrior. No wonder girls used to get gushy over sword-wielding heros.
***
"Doctor Kavanagh, I believe you were fired," the security guard said firmly when he walked in.
"I'm here to pick up my things."
"The nice former bosses packed it all up for you while they were looking for the work you stole off them." He paged that lab and the colonel came out. "Him, sir."
"Mitchell," he said, swallowing hard.
"Yup, it is us. We packed up everything for you, Doctor Kavanagh. Even your mother's picture." He blanched. "We'll be seeing you tomorrow." He stomped off. Mitchell smirked. "Asshole." He went back to the lab to tell his coworker that and to try to get him to take a nap again. He had been poring over weapons for the last few days. His base's geeks weren't usually this bad. Well, maybe Jackson sometimes, but not usually in marathons like this. Though he would have to scare the crap out of Kavanagh soon. That was a plus in this whole situation.
***
2 looked up from his web surfing a few days later. "Grades are out," he reported. Abby came over to look over his shoulder, giving him a hug. 1's were just as good so she was still happy. He shut that down. "Will I get in trouble for hacking a few people in that stupid conspiracy from here?"
"Probably so erase it."
"I did it under my log-in."
"That might not help. Though they did blow up your car in our parking lot so we might be able to make it stretch." She patted him on the back. "I see samples?"
"All DNA, which a humble gun tech like me cannot do."
"Ah!" She got to work, handing him one. "Spatter?"
He looked then at her report stack. "Done." She checked and found his initials then the report. She beamed and got back to her DNA work.
Gibbs stomped in. "Kids, hacking is wrong unless it's a case."
"It's the Trust bastards," Xander told him. "Totally my fault."
"They did blow your car up in our parking lot."
"The program they're trying to ruin is Air Force and Marines mostly," he offered with a grin.
"That might make it stick. Do you still have that colonel in your lab?"
"Yes, but our internet is out at the lab right now because *someone* decided to drunkenly run into a pole, supposedly. Considering the car's registration leads back to a spook, not so much drunken I'm thinking. That's why I left 1 polishing artillery at the lab."
"Grades are out and they did *very* good," Abby told him. "Even if a few grades were B's."
Xander looked at her. "Not like I like those classes and considering how bad I was in high school? Feel damn lucky."
"Fine." She got back to work. "It couldn't have been *that* bad, Xander."
"I had well under a 2.0," he said dryly. "They accepted us into the ballistics program because we could use it in the company and we give them copies of anything that gets sold. Correct ones of bullets and new guns, but not total ones of artillery."
"That's not a bad deal," she decided. She got back to work. "Why am I comparing these to a dog hair?"
He grinned. "Because we can't be sure which of those was human, which we need to then run for DNA, and dog, and the sample's too old for the pad test."
"Crap." She got back to it, getting out the little egg carton looking tray to do it that way. That would be simpler than breaking down dog DNA.
Xander smiles when she growls because the test is inconclusive. He had warned her. She swatted him but ran the DNA anyway. He got back to his own work. Being an intern was fun at times. Watching the bosses be frustrated was extremely fun. Especially the director because no one would tell her what was going on. Pity but yay. It was in his internship contract.
The director walked in. "Abby, where are you on the Peterson case?"
She looked at her. "I handed back the reports over a week ago. We aren't that busy that I take forever to do things, Director. Usually, unless the tests take that long, I have everything out within a few days at the most."
"The Peterson case was the robbery or the hold-ups?" Xander asked, getting into the system. The director glared but ignored the question. He pulled up the reports anyway. "They've been back since the fifth. They got delivered to the team leader on three, quad 10; I delivered them and he said they were his." He looked back at her. "So go ask him."
"You mark down where they went?" Abby asked.
"Yeah, after one Gibbs swears up and down I gave to another team leader that was his. When it was on McGee's desk because Gibbs had been peeing out all that coffee he drinks and hadn't asked if they had gotten it for him."
"He never asks," Abby agreed. The director huffed off. She stared. "She's wearing the bad girl heels again."
Xander glanced out there then shrugged. "She's former CIA, she probably had to sleep her way into a few assignments," Xander said dryly. "Doesn't do a thing for me."
She smirked. "That's bad."
"Yup, though think we can get Tony into the heels and short skirt?"
"I think he'd complain," she promised.
"Huh, well, it'd be the best of both worlds since I'm bi."
She pinched him but shook her head, going back to waiting on samples to come out. The machine telling her it wasn't human would take less time than the full test. Xander was so bad sometimes.
TBC....